Hi all,
John died four months ago and I feel it’s getting worse- everyone said it would get easier and I hoped that was true. We were together all my adult life and I’ve never been without him.
I’m back at work as a teacher and pretend I’m okay every day but I go home sit with my dogs and cry.
I joined this group last night and have read many of your stories which makes my heart ache for you all 
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Hi Tina just keep talking, don’t let things build up in your head. Big hugs xx
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Hi Tina, people who haven’t experienced the loss of someone as close to them cannot fully understand that there is not a cycle of grief. There is no clear pattern to it. Somedays you will have good days and then suddenly completely unexpectedly your whole world will come crashing down around you again. I lost my husband 7 months ago and thought that I was doing ok at around the 5 month mark, then it got to 6 months and it hit me so hard that I had been without my soul mate for half a year 
. Tuesday this week marked the 7 months and I couldn’t stop crying all day. My sleep is almost non existent again as well.
Finding this group has been a godsend and a lifeline, especially in the darkest hours of the night. Sending 🫂
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Hi Tina, I’d like to say it gets easier but I lost my wife Lynne eighteen months ago and still break down most days. Like Valerie has said there are some lovely people in this group who fully understand what we are all having to live with.
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Allenmob
I second that. We are all wishing each other acceptance and peace.
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So yesterday had some more EMDR counselling about the guilt & self hatred at Phoebes dying after I had to rehome her. Today I’m full of cold, lonely & upset & restless & panicky. Job wise I’ve got through to 2nd interview stage which is next week. Steve & I were supposed to be going on holiday with our dog, Phoebs this weekend. I look at last year’s photos & think how the hell has this happened? It’s been a real battle this week…I had to phone Crisis team at midnight on Monday as my head just wouldn’t rest.
I just don’t know how to carry on. The feelings I have are horrible, I’m tired, nauseous & am having bad dreams. 10 months in…not doing so good.
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Thinking about you Anne. My Smudge got fleas. It just seemed overwhelming. Took him to groomer for his appointment and she bathed him in flea shampoo. I have scrubbed and sprayed the house. Hopefully I have got them all in time. Feeling pretty low today. Sending you a big hug x
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Hi Nel, flinging a big hug back at you xx
Hi Nel & everybody. Well I got the job & was in the last 3 for another. Now of course I’m doubting myself & convinced I’m not going to pass the pre employment checks.
What I’ve noticed on here is that although we’ve all experienced the worse thing to happen, we are still, day by day or hour by hour here.
And not only that through the despair we still want to help people we’ve never met before.
I think that’s beautiful.
Right, off to apply 10 tubs of olay to my neck as I’m turning into a turkey!!!
Love to you all
Xxxxxxxx
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What makes you think you won’t pass the preemployment checks. You are enough. I’m not brave enough to think about a job. I’m more of a turkey than you. It is still hour by hour. I can’t do it any other way. Xx
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I dunno just being a muppet! I have to start to try to get out everyday else I’m gonna become too scared. You are v v v brave & will do stuff when YOU are ready.
I’m having a hour by hour day today while I’m olaying my neck. Gobble gobble lol. Look after yourself Nel. Am here if you need me xx
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I’m already to scared. I walk the dog on the park and feel like I am using avoidance for everything else. X
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You are looking after your dog & managing to get out. More than I have managed to do. Had terrible day today. Am hoping tomoz is better. Hour at a time. You’re trying hard & you’re still going. X
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I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to be upbeat but I feel my heart is dragging on the floor behind me. That is all.
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I’ll try the alphabet too. Good idea. Thankyou.