I was a bit too old for My Little Pony and Sylvanian familes, they weren’t around when I was young, but I always loved horses. My daughter had some Sylvanian families though. No I didn’t overdo it with the jobs although I do need to overdo it sometime soon as the house is getting untidy again. Might take a small amount of time off work to get some jobs done in the next few weeks. I watched the tennis final yesterday, and always miss it when the tennis is over. Mind you my mum would have been glad as she couldn’t stand tennis. She was always gentle and uncomplainibg but she would pull a bit of a face about that!
Sounds like you had a bit of a tussle with the trees!
I wish I had kept all my old toys from the 80’s. I was 10 when my sister was born and I gave them to her when she was old enough. I had a midlife crisis when I hit 30 and ended up going on eBay and buying it all again! I thought life was hard then, little did I realise what was to come. I wouldn’t wish the last five years on my worst enemy.
Mum instilled tidiness on us and I can hear her in my head shouting at how untidy the house is and how it needs redecorating. As for the garden, it is a working progress. I am hoping there is no more major jobs involving getting bits in my unmentionables! I am sat I. The canteen watching customers get in their cars and drive off, lucky people!
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Hope you’ve finished your shift now and got back home. I’ve had the response to my complaint which has upset me once again. To be fair, they are addressing some of my concerns around cleanliness and treatment and have some demonstrable actions they are putting in place. However they are saying they are sorry she deteriorated so much after leaving hospital and going to the care home. This is just not true. She didn’t deteriorate, she was already in a terrible state and it’s just that the care home noticed this and they didn’t. They say that doctors kept me updated and this isn’t true, even though I asked for information . And they say that the gap of 14 days between the discharge letter being written and her actual discharge was acceptable because her condition didnt change. All untrue. I shall compose a reply when I feel up to it. Poor mum, her dentures were broken in the hospital but no-one owned up to it and it said on her notes she didnt have any! All sorts of indignities and lack of pain relief etc that just shouldn’t have happened. I feel I should have been so much more insistent but they just look at you and don’t reply or tell you anything useful.
It is very clear from what you have told me that the hospital was negligent in the way they cared for your mum or more like the lack of it. Would you consider complaining to the Local Government Ombudsman? They might be able to help you. Like with the way my mum was treated by a bank health care support worker, it’s all very well them putting new policies in place but you can’t un see what your mum went through. And don’t beat yourself up saying that you could have been more insistent, it’s not your fault. you loved and cared for your mum with every fibre of your being. If you feel you have it in you to take it further then do so but only if you feel mentally able to, it will be extremely hard.
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You just described my life, but minus the depression and anxiety. Yes live in the flat I shared with mum. No partner, no children, got a sister but she in a relationship, I’m not. So are we a like ? or living similar lives ? maybe I got it a little worst then you health wise ?
I will get back to the hospital in the first instance and point out their inconsistencies. I’m going to think about it until at least the weekend, and we’re currently comparing the response to the medical records we asked for. They just don’t seem to appreciate that she was walking around, getting food and interacting with us, and when she’d been in the hospital she was then unrecognisable. They are talking about her eating and drinking, but each time we went, she was barely ever conscious. It’s very difficult to move past it all.
Hi Keith, sorry you are so down and anxious. I do get very anxious myself. Im fortunate in having children and a supportive husband. It’s so very hard to deal with, but easier if you can find support and care from friends or family. Wishing you well.
Very hard when you still in the property you lived with mum. There’s memories everywhere, but I won’t destroy them.
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@Keith68 welcome to the fray! Yes we are pretty much peas in a pod, no anxiety but I did have depression after losing my dad, keeping a close eye on myself after losing mum. Do you have an awful job too? We would have the full set then!
@Magsclar it seems the hospital are trying to get themselves out of hot water, they have picked on the wrong woman so to speak, you will get there and you have us to support you. Just going to get ready for work
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Thanks @Malcolm2. It’s very dispiriting. They are making some small changes around cleanliness and checking pain levels (but why on earth weren’t they already doing these!) but pretending they couldn’t have known how ill mum was, hence throwing her out to a care home who weren’t prepared but who still did their best. The care home recognised all these things, why couldn’t the hospital. My husband and I were puzzled and worried and couldn’t understand why they said she was ok but she seemed so bad. I need to say some more to them, for my mum’s sake. Hope everyone’s day is as good as can be xx
No I still live in the flat I shared with mum and I could never get rid of everything connected to her. I lived with her for 50 odd years of my life. But I yearn for the past too, I miss the 80s and today’s world, just hate it! What I would give to go back! today’s world destroys you at every opportunity.
@Magsclar wow, they expect you to be happy with them making small changes that should be part of basic healthcare. They are probably hoping that you will be happy with that and they have got away with it. Keep pushing on, I think in England you will have three years from the date of when you realised your mum had been neglected, just check anyway as things are different up here in Scotland.
I hope you’ve had a good day, I’m just on my hour at work. It’s been a pretty average day, no fires sadly!
@Keith68 since losing mum at the end of May I have started to dislike people too. Loss brings out the worst in people who aren’t directly involved. Society seems to be pretty selfish these days. I would love to go back to the 80’s too, wonder if we would feel the same way about it now or has are memories been misted by time? When did you lose your mum?
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August last year, I’m probably down. I have to visit hospital every week in the area I grew up in. So that evokes memories of my mum. I don’t know about anyone else on here but my life feels over. I’m currently living just for hospital visits.
I’m so sorry you are going through that. It seems a common thing on here that we have all cared for our parents and lived with them too. It’s so hard to go from them being there all the time to gone. Do you have hobbies or friends?
I agree people are very selfish today and generally don’t care only for themselves. Very sad how the UK has developed or gone backwards. Backwards probably being the best word to describe things. At least back in the 80s you could see a doctor, you felt a doctor cared about his patients, not the case now. Bereavement or counseling a phone call! not quite the same thing! So here we all are in a forum trying to feel better about our loss, but we don’t
I remember in the 80’s doctors knew all of their patients and they remembered everything about you. I firmly believe that the pandemic has made people uncaring and quite demanding. Have you looked to see if there are any bereavement groups in your area?
I most likely will be able to get access to counseling, through Maggie’s. Organisation that helps people with cancer, as well as losing mum. I been diagnosed with Myaloma cancer, blood cancer. So not having much luck at the moment. But it’s treatable!
Life really does have a habit of dropping bombs on us when we are already dealing with something. Get in touch with Macmillan too, my mum was diagnosed with blood cancer in 2019, they helped her get a new boiler and tumble dryer, and help with money. You have a different type of blood cancer than my mum had but I understand what you are going through, it might be from an outside perspective but an understanding non the less
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Appreciate it, I’m still learning as only a month in and only done 2 chemo sessions, injections.
My mum had azacitadine injections, it is a wonderful drug. Being diagnosed with cancer will have a huge affect on your mental health as will chemo. Make sure you look after yourself as chemo hits your body hard. Eat lots of high protein foods as chemo damages your white and red cells plus your platelets, your body needs it to grow new cells. I’m sure they’ve told you all this at the hospital. I know you feel like your life is over but like with my mum, the chemo is giving you a second chance at life. I know that Maggie’s have groups you could join to get out the flat and meet like minded people.