Struggling and wearing a smile

I lost my nan in May she was 92 so a good age but she was ok until she had cancer 2 wks before she died.

When I was 6 I lost my grandad who was my world and made him a promise to look after nan after he died of cancer to. So for the last 31 years I’ve been look after nan putting my all in to her visiting her bringing the great grandkids to her as she lived in ireland so regular trips…

When she past I was due to fly the next day so missed her. Then the funeral happened 3 days after as it happens quickly over there. Since then I’ve struggled I cnt look at pictures and the sense of guilt waves me that I didn’t do more I didn’t keep my promise to grandad. It’s getting harder and harder each day. I miss her so much I cnt speak about her and cnt bear ppl speaking about her cos it hurts. When I used to see her I used to make her promise she could never pass and she’d do it and no matter how close to death she came she’s survive and be fine until last time when I said to her it’s ok I wouldn’t make her promise and it was ok to go see grandad then she passed a week later . I feel to blame

1 Like

Hi there @Lisa1985

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nan - it sounds like you’re finding it really difficult especially that you couldn’t be there with her at the end.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through. In particular, I wanted to flag another user to you, @lakingsfan83, who also posted earlier today about losing her nan and I wondered if you might both find it useful to chat to each other perhaps.

I also want to let you know that Sue Ryder offers additional online bereavement support which you might want to take a look at:

  • An online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. If you feel some one-to-one support may be useful, you can find more information about the service here:
  • A recently launched Grief Self-Help Service which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, visit

Take good care and I hope you’re able to get some support and comfort from the community.

Best wishes,


Online Community team

Thank you yes I’d love to speak to someone about it. I just feel a massive amount of guilt not about being there but about not doing enough for her and keeping my promise to look after her to grandad

Hi Lisa
I lost my nan too so I know the pain, I lost my nan in June she was diagnosed with dementia in February & only lasted 4 months as she went downhill from the moment she went into hospital & got the diagnosis, just like you I’m struggling every time I think of her I’m on the verge of brawling my eyes out I went to the job centre the other day & the next minute I’m brawling my eyes out & couldn’t stop myself, seems it has its own mind & I can’t control it , I feel I should of done more for my nan be on the backs of the social care more got her moved closer sooner maybe she would of stay alive longer & not died alone miles from family, it just doesn’t feel real that she’s gone , I’m sure you feel similar for your nan ,