Hi, my Son passed away on 17th June at his home in Northern Ireland, he was only 28 and we still have no cause of death. He was in his home for 4 days before being found and I feel physically sick every time I think of this. I had to fly over to Ireland to clear his flat and it was horrific. It looks as though he was sitting up in bed watching TV and just passed away. I cannot accept this. I didn’t even get to see him because of the time he lay. My heart is in pieces, we took him home to Scotland to be laid to rest. Everyone says we gave him an amazing send off but I just want him back….
Hi @Hilz, I am so sorry to read about your son.
I’m glad you were able to join our community here as I’m sure you will find others who can relate to the way you are feeling. A long-running thread has been a source of great help and support for people in a similar situation as you. It’s very long but you can go ahead and join in at any time: Loss of our son aged 27
We also recently launched a Grief Self-Help Service which includes information, personal stories, and interactive tools designed to help you deal with your loss.
I do hope you find our community helpful and supportive. Keep reaching out and please know that we’re here for you.
Online Community team
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son…such inadequate words but there’s nothing I can say that will make it any better. It’s so devastating losing a child of any age. My son died suddenly in his sleep on 20th March this year…he was only 38. My heart goes out to you as you’re still in the very early days of your loss. You’ve come to the very best place for help and support…there are many of us ,at different stages of our grief, all understand the pain you are going through.
2 threads on here " Loss of our son aged27" and " I lost my son 5 weeks ago"
are where lots of us mothers and fathers can offer you the support you’re going to need. Please keep posting as this site is a real lifeline for many of us.
I’m still in the middle of clearing my son’s flat and it breaks my heart everytime I go round there.
I found him in his bed and had to give CPR until the paramedics arrived but I knew it was too late. We also had a wonderful send off for him but nothing can prepare you for this kind of pain…it’s not meant to happen.
My thoughts are with you
Love and hugs…Sue xxxx
Thank you so much for your kind words, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that there are no words to ease this pain. I am glad to have found a place where there are people who know the emotions I am going through…
I am just taking each moment as it comes and trying to carry on as best I can
Hilz, I am so so sorry for your loss it brings tears to my eyes. I lost my son Theo in October of 2021 he was in a car accident he was 22. You are right nothing can prepare you for this kind of pain. I totally understand the pain, the longing, the intense feeling of missing your son. Since I have joined this site it has given me support, friendship, caring, and comfort in knowing that what we are feeling is totally normal and there is no judgment. I hope you continue to post much love
Hi, thank you for getting in touch. I am so sorry to hear your story. No parent should have to go through this, it goes against nature. Xxx
Hi hilz I’m so sorry for your loss. There’s no words I can say that will make you feel any more comforted and you haven’t no closure either everyone on here is so caring and understanding we are all going through the same thing my daughter died this Jan to liver cancer she was 25 I still have trouble accepting she’s gone. It’s heartbreaking I feel so bad for you but please still come on here for support and comfort shellyanne XX
I am so sorry to hear what has happened and how you lost your boy. It is devastating. I lost my daughter tragically in January, I can honestly say this website has helped me struggle on. You will get support here. I hope you keep posting. Xxx
I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
My 20 year old son died in his sleep in April. He died from SADS.
I thought that by having an answer it would help , it hasn’t. The guilt apparently is normal as is the pain.
After Tom died I just wanted answers infact I googled everything that it could be.
There are so many parents in similar situations, it’s not until it happens to you do you realise quite how many.
You have a long way to go and it’s the worst thing to happen. I’m 16 weeks in and although I’m able to.deal with day to day stuff I’m a wreck socially. I look at other youngsters and think why are you still alive and yet my beautiful boy isn’t
I want my son back infact I’d do anything to get him back. This isnt how it’s supposed to be.
I wish you strength. People keep saying " be kind to yourself " and its “early days” . My only words of wisdom would be… talk about your son to whoever will listen, and seek professional help. I start EDMR this week to help me with the trauma of finding my son.
Hi Helen, thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear what happened to your Son, it is an awful experience that we are having to live through.
Today is my first day back to work since James passed and I am dreading it. I miss my boy every minute of the day and I love to talk about him, the worst thing are the people who avoid mentioning him.
Wishing you lots of strength.
Hiya Hilz, I’m so sorry to hear this . I lost my son 36 on 8/3/2022 to aortic dissection. He’s left 2 babies and he was my baby of 4. I really can’t accept it, I can’t cry, I feel lost, broken and lonely. A mother’s job is to protect her child but I couldn’t save him. My heart hurts so much
Hi Suzie86 - so sorry to hear that you lost your boy. I lost my daughter in January. It’s the worst thing that can happen, to lose your own child. For the first few months I was in a state of shock and trauma. You don’t need me to tell you that the pain can be indescribable, terrible yearning and a feeling that, as a mum, I should have somehow prevented it. Guilt seems to be a part of the package of pain. There are some things that a mum or dad can’t prevent or change and it’s a hard pill to swallow. One of the best things that I’ve done since my girl died is to come on this website. It really makes a difference being able to talk to others who ‘get it’ because it’s happened to them. This is the place to get kind understanding and support. One of the things I’ve learned is that guilt and anger and despair seem to be universal for parents who lose a child of any age. Just knowing that others feel the same and that this level of pain is ‘normal’ though it feels far from normal. I send you my heartfelt best wishes and the assurance that somehow, in time, you can learn to live with what is an enormous loss. Everyone on here who has lost a child will recognise your feelings and will understand. You can pour your heart out here and you will get support. There aren’t any easy answers and the pain doesn’t disappear but somehow over time the pain will become more manageable. I would not have believed that when I first came on here. There are people on here who lost children months ago or even many years ago, I have found hope from their kindness in sharing and their insights. It’s as tough as can be but on here you aren’t alone. I hope you keep posting because it can help and others, further in down the road than me have helped prop me up when I was in despair. No one will tell you to pull yourself together or get on with it. You are grieving and it takes time to even begin to absorb what’s happened. As far as you are able, so early on, please be kind to yourself. No one is to blame. It’s an absolute tragedy for you and everyone who loved him and the biggest loss a mum or dad can have, not surprising it’s overwhelming. If you haven’t seen your GP it’s worth asking what help he can offer tho my GP said theres no resources these days. I did accept anti depressants which do seem to give me some breathing space. I also contacted Compassionate Friends who are really helpful and work only with people who have lost a child. This place and CF have helped me no end. I send you my best wishes and hope you keep posting. Even just reading other peoples posts is a reminder that agonising tho it, is over time, with kindness to yourself and kindness from others you can find a way forward. It won’t be quick but the first improvement I noticed was when I suddenly realised I has spent 5 minutes absorbed in something else. I call them chinks of light. Slowly, slowly you too will find chinks of light. It’s very early and painful days for you, I send you my best wishes and hugs. Please take care of yourself, you deserve love and understanding. Xxxx
Thank you so much for your kind words they meant so much. I tell my daughters their grief is a bit easier than mine because they have each other to say how they’re feeling losing their brother. I feel so alone and different because I’ve got no one at home who’s lost a child. I came on here and read so many mum’s and dad’s heartbreaking stories like mine. I feel my world has collapsed I try to be strong because he had 3 older sisters who are all trying to be strong and supportive for Matthew’s nieces and nephews. Life at the moment is such a vicious circle xxx
I am so sorry for everyones loss, no one wants to be on here but it helps. I lost my daughter in May she was 19 and was in a mental health unit. My daughter died alone as far as I know. I have seen a counsellor and its been recommended to see a trauma therapist and it needs to be long term. EMDR has been suggested as it seems to be effective. I can only get by if I keep meeting people for coffees and walks and trying to talk about my daughter, who loved us so much and brought so much fun and joy to our home. Unfortunately there was also a lot of distress but we loved her so very much. They say the grief is about the love and connection we have for our children, so it’s not surprising everything is so so painful. I am in so much pain and heartache every hour of each day, I do hope it gets a little easier in time, because on certain days you do feel you won’t make it through this. However I have spoken to people who are three years in and they do seem to be coping with life. So there is hope. XX
I’m so sorry for your loss. It hurts so much doesn’t it. I was taken to hospital yesterday I thought I was having a massive heart attack but after all the tests I wasn’t they put it down to grief and a broken heart
Hi Suzie. This does hurt so much. I am having around 3 panic attacks a day I have just had stents put in I think the cardiac team are concerned as its difficult to tell the difference between broken heart syndrome and a real heart attack. Stress and indigestion can also be extremely painful. Xx
6mths on and is still so unreal I do believe it but I can’t accept it xx
Oh Andy, I’m so sorry to hear about your heart issues and trauma can and does have very physical effects as well as the emotional ones. I wish I had something comforting to say and I recognise so many of the things you say in my own grief. It hurts so much. I tell myself to just keep on keeping on today……and then the next day. Hugs xxxx
My heart hurts when I read everyone’s messages and stories. It is just so so unfair. Tonight I went out with my Son and Daughter in Law who are both hurting too, we had a lovely night and even laughed and danced but now I feel so so guilty because my youngest son is gone and we should be enjoying life without him I just want to be with him….
Thanks Nell for your very kind words and understanding.
Hilz it sound like you had a good night and it’s good to hear you did. I understand what you mean, I sometimes wish I was with my daughter. The pain of this grief is so hard to bear. We have had fifteen funerals in the last couple of years including close family, but none compare or even touch the pain of my own daughters. It is so unfair and so sad to see and hear of such young people die whatever the cause or reason. Andy X