Struggling to cope

Losing a partner
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Continuing the discussion from About the Losing a partner category:

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Hi @Anne12,

Welcome to the community and thanks so much for starting a new thread and posting here. I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Looking at the title you have given this thread, it sounds as though you are finding things very tough at the moment and I wondered if there was anything in particular you’d like to talk about?

Thank you again for reaching out - please know that we are here for you and that you don’t have to struggle alone.

Take care,
Megan

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Thankyou Megan, I am finding things very hard that’s why I joined the group to see if others were feeling the same, and the ones that have messaged me are, which in a way I find quite helpful. You sometimes think you are the only one with these feelings but your not. Thankyou once again for your support

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your not alone i thought the same sending lots of love x

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Hi @Anne12

You are definitely not on your own in struggling to cope, it will be 7 weeks tomorrow since my husband passed away of a heart attack at 50, some days i’m just numb and can’t cry and some days i’m in floods of tears but something just sets me off like a song, something he used to do, food he likes, it can be anything. If one more person asks me how i’m doing “now” i’m going to hit them! How do they think i’m feeling after only a matter of weeks, has it all gone away because everyone is is going back to normal??

Sorry just having a bit of a rant, think i’m still a bit in the denial/shock phase. I think at the minute it is just putting one foot in front of the other, but i find that coming on here, you can speak to people who are in exactly the same situation as you more or less and you don’t feel like you have to hide things away and not speak about things in case you upset someone. But you are definitely not alone xx

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rant all you want to i have been there more times than i care to remember xxx

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i try not to cry in front of my kids as they are trying to deal with there grief they go mad but i think its a mother thing you protect your kids as much as you can

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Thankyou I feel you are on my wave length . Like you I can be ok one minute then I completely lose it . It’s like with the shopping I look at what I used to get for him (he loved scones) and I could just burst into tears, it’s just so hard. I cant even listen to music yet I Hope we in time find some kind of peace because its tiring carrying sadness and trying to get through the days.
Hope to hear from you again xx

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Dear Sja2804

No need to say sorry. We have to let off steam and this is the best place for it. I feel exactly the same as yourself. There are particular phrases people use where I have to walk away. I spoke frankly with our GP about things the other day, the way people ask am I feeling better as if it is an illness or comments about my low moods. What the hell do they expect. I have to be honest it is 9 months for me now and I still feel the same way as I did the day I was told my husband had not survived a motorbike crash. He had only just turned 60.

I can’t remember the first weeks/months after he died. I do remember thinking it had to be some bad dream and I would wake from it and I would tell him all about it so I understand your feelings of denial/shock. I still stumble from one day to the other.

I am so sorry that you and everyone else finds themselves on this dreadful journey.

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I lost my husband 22/11/22 very suddenly we don’t even know of what he was only 40 (I’m 39) I’m just over a week into it and the loneliness is the hardest part we have 2 kids (15 Yr old girl and 13 Yr old boy) and my son has been sleeping in my double bed with me as I can’t bear to alone at night. My LH best friend came over last night and I felt weirdly at peace after he left, I just feel the loneliness when my kids are school. I need things to do as my husband was on a 0 hr contract so was home alot of the time and I just miss his company. I just want him back I know I can do this I’m just terrified of never finding love again, especially when my kids grow up.

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I lost my husband suddenly in bed only 2 weeks ago aged 51. . He had a heart defect we didn’t know about. I tried to save him but I couldn’t. I have no idea how I will get through this. The void is suffocating. Everything and everywhere reminds me of him. We were childhood sweetheart.:broken_heart:

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About same time as me … its awful isnt it ! Im do lonely too qithout my husband cos he was at home a lot too :frowning: my grown up kids hsve been horrendous :cry: they been so mean to me ! Im fed up with it all ! I wish id gone with my husband ! Trying to rebuild my life but its not easy is it - theres a massive void inside :frowning: xx

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I know the emptiness you feel ! Its overwhelming isnt it :frowning: xx :pensive:

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It really is. We had so many plans and now…. Nothing. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time with your children. I am fortunate that I can take comfort from mine. Maybe they just don’t know how to deal with what has happened? Either way I am happy to listen and so sorry this has happened to you too.xx

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I dunno what’s wrong with them ? They all gone into hiding ! Ive tried to communicate with them but its impossible :pensive: they were ok until the funeral and then since then been very difficult:( they not comforting me at all :frowning: im hsving a bad day today … need to chase up my counselling … i just don’t cope very well with him not being here ! Its so hard :tired_face: xx

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I’m so sorry. Keep talking I think it will help. Sending love x

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Thank you, I am also struggling, I feel lost and broken and wonder why he didn’t take me with him. I am outwardly strong and coping. Like others here I hurt physically and mentally to be —- fine — but not when alone. I have 2 wee dogs that are also lost and need me and a lovely caring son and his partner. They are why I’m still here. My heart goes ou to all of you and send hugs.

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Hello I lost my husband 8 weeks ago and I just cant cope with being in the house that we shared together. People dont understand why I cant and some say that I am running away from my grieve. My head is just so confused. Should I be pushing myself to stay in the house.