Struggling to move on

Lost my husband over three years ago, he died in a car crash (I refuse to call it an accident ) he went to work and didn’t come home. It has taken until last December to get closure on all the formalities. We had to wait for over a year for the court case which was horrendous but the other driver eventually admitted causing death by dangerous driving, he was given a 2 year prison sentence but only served 1 year. I was also carer to my elderly Mother but she had a fall on New Year’s eve ,she wasn’t badly hurt but they took her into hospital where she apparently caught flu…she never got home again she died in April but by then we were not allowed to visit. Everything just feels surreal at the moment and I’m struggling to get some normality back in my life. I have grown up children and grandchildren but there is a big void in my life and I just want to feel like me again. Our family dog even died who is also a huge loss.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your husband and your mother within a few years of each other, as well as the family dog. It is terrible that your husband’s death was caused by a dangerous driver - it sounds as though knowing someone is to blame and going through a court case have added an extra element to your grief. It is understandable that you are struggling and find it difficult to find any normality.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as many of our users do find that it helps a little to have somewhere to let their emotions out and talk to others who understand.

While you wait for more replies to your post here, I just wanted to point you in the direction of this recent conversation: I've lost me - many of the people posting there have lost both a spouse and a parent, including @sue3, @jobar and @Johnswife, and the conversation title “I’ve lost me” also seems to relate to what you wrote about wanting to feel like yourself again.

Please feel free to post a reply on that conversation if you’d like to talk to the people there

Thinking of you so difficult.l understand

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So sorry about your loss, Lou. It’s such a sad way to die, so meaningless, just because some idiot was driving dangerously your husband has died and you have got a life sentence, and now your poor mum has died too. Please keep posting here if you think it will help you to talk. All the best.

Thankyou, I have read through the posts on the ‘I’ve lost me’ conversation, it’s heart breaking to read because I can relate to them all. I am having councilling but its not improving the way I am feeling, The first session I was told it was anxiety, then she got me to off load about the crash and what happened and now she thinks it’s depression. I will carry on but I’m not sure it’s helping. I struggle to go out so with the virus it’s made it easy to stay at home. I make myself go out once a week for shopping so therefore I have to get in the car and drive which makes me anxious, but I know I need to do it. I used to go to my mother’s most days but that routine has gone.I am dreading the dark nights because that makes me feel worse, thanks again for taking the time to reply.

Thankyou, I feel very differently about the idiot now than I did when it happened, I felt a bit sorry for him, but he put us through 18 months of hell by not owning up to what he had done and now he is able to get on with his life. Yes your right, we got the life sentence.

@Lou001 Lou, there are no words. I’m sure you’ve heard that plenty already but the statement will remain true forever. I’m so so sorry for your loss’. I honestly couldn’t imagine having to deal with other profound loss’ like your Mum and family dog after losing a person so close and precious to you.
I feel like in the beginning we try so desperately to gain a sense of ‘normal’ but the reality is that your normal has gone. Losing your two biggest supporters, being your mum and family pet, at a time so painful is truly inconceivable. I’m glad to read you have children and grandchildren to be there for you but I understand their support may not be what you crave.
What do you find helps you? I found going back to basics helped me after losing my Dad. He was my best friend, hero, and the only one who loved me unconditionally. It helped being in nature - going for walks, going for long drives with the music drowning out my tears, eating heaps (or hardly anything).
If you ever want to reminisce about any of your fallen loved ones, please know you are safe to do it here. You aren’t alone and although we are only strangers on a site, you will find nothing but compassion, empathy and understanding. If you feel the waves coming in high and scary, hold out your hand, and we will pull you to shore.

Thoughts are with you. Much love.

Hey I don’t really know where to start, my boyfriend died suddenly 3 months ago he was 34 and normally fit and well. He said he didn’t feel to well then had a massive seizure I had to do cpr on him for 25 minutes before help arrived. He died in my arms and I just feel stuck but I have two little ones to look after. Is it to soon for councelling could I have ptsd I don’t know.

Hi Cheryl, I am so sorry about your tragic loss. You may well be suffering from PTSD, have you seen your doctor? As for counselling, it depends on the individual, if you think you need it, then you should go for it. Please remember that there is a waiting list, so if you think you might need counselling within a month or two, now might be a good time to apply.