Struggling today

Don’t know why but today i feel really low, thought i was doing ok its been 16months since my hubby died. I dont cry so much now but today anything can set me off. Just been up cemetery as i have done everyday and told him I’m not coping very good today and i miss him so much. When i first lost him i never dreamed of him now hes in all my dreams ,us on holiday, us going for a meal, it getting so bad i try not to go sleep because i have to wake up and hes not here.


I feel for you i really .it shows how much you really loved your husband.i am the same and only been 3 weeks for me and i know i will breakdown and miss my wife for a long time to come.they say times a healer but long does it take to heal…you keep talking to your husband he will be will have these days earlier today i fell asleep for a short time when i woke up i thought my wife would be coming home then realised she as passed…life is so cruel to us at times


Sending hugs @Misprint
There seems no rhyme or reason with this grief journey so all we can do is live each day as it presents itself. Some better than others, some best not to dwell on.
I do hope brighter days will be along soon but until then we are here for you.
Karen xxx


Sending you a hug it’s a very hard journey we are in feel your pain xx


I would recommend the Megan Devine book. She’s a counsellor and supported people grieving but freely admits it wasn’t until her partner died that the enormity of loss became horribly real for her.
I wake up every morning feeling hot and anxious. I’m finding large supermarkets upset me. It’s as if everyone is buying for couples and families and lots of things on the shelves bring back all sorts of powerful memories, Today my legs felt thick and awkward as if I was wading through treacle in an unreal world. I could have sat down and cried but just about managed to get back to the car before the tears came. And it feels so sad eating on your own which seems to be making it difficult to swallow. Does anyone get these scary physical effects?


I agree with all you have felt I definitely get the same feelings I avoid going shopping as much as I can as I feel like you do it’s horrible on your own seems ni point and it’s so hard seeing couples out together I missing my husband so much every thing is so hard and an effort now
Hope you get a restful sleep all xx


I hate supermarkets, hardly buying anything for one. It brought it home to me last Saturday how alone i was. I was on a bus, coming home from voluntary work at the local theatre. Four friends got on, two couples. They had all been out for a meal, all very merry. Four years ago I would have been part of that group.


l struggle every day. l wake up with a lump in my throat, l try not to cry but its too overwhelming. my best place is my bed, l try to sleep through my anxiety, hope to dream of him, then when l wake lm sad again as it was only a dream. l have his ashes with me with a photo, l talk to him about all and sundry, but it just doesn’t help.


Hi i understand how you feel i have my Husbands ashes and talk to him all the time its not the same i miss him so much


Oh @Montague, how hard that must have been to see.
Sending love xxx

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Sending hugs xx

It took me 2 years 2 come 2 terms with my husband dying & what got me through the first 3 years was by going up the cemetery, his been gone over 5 years & i still up go up the cemetery Christmas his birthday etc. But it is so hard 2 accept the lose of yr loved 1.
U never get over it, u learn 2 live with it.
But it takes time.


Hi it’s been 17 month since my husband pass. I still break down most day. It’s ok not to be ok. Grief has its own journey. Just take every day as it come. It’s coming to spring and you think what you would be up to with your hubby. Life is so unfair You take of you.


Hi Misprint

I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. My hubby passed away 29th June 2021. I miss him so much and cry every day. It still does not seem possible that he has gone after over 50 years of marriage. Some days I can busy myself with jobs etc other days I just want to sit and cry. Life is so lonely without Peter and I know that I will never stop grieving for him. I have even been told that I should be moving on and to stop wallowing in my grief. It is the most painful experience that I have ever gone through. A good nights sleep never happens and consequently I feel worn out. We have to ride this storm together, so all of us on here must continue to talk to each other. I will think about you and hope we can soon find some peace. Sending good wishes Moira xx


I don’t think words like ‘wallowing’ are at all helpful. It implies that you are intentionally making yourself feel bad and I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do that.

Life is full of ups and downs and I think we just make the best of what we have so that our terrible loss doesn’t steal what we still have as well. I will not let grief win - I’m stubborn like that, just ask my Mum and brother! :wink:

Sending love to all who are struggling - not wallowing. xxx


I’m like you as I’d known my husband for 50 years which is a lifetime if you meet each other young.

Here’s what Julia Samuel (psychotherapist and grief counsellor) says about grief:

“Our modern society has removed the process of grieving. We are taught that ‘just getting on’ with things means we’re doing well. The sooner the waves of emotion stop the sooner we’re viewed as ‘healed.’

The problem is suppressing emotions can contribute to conditions like depression, anxiety, autoimmune disease and others – all on the rise today.

So you do need to properly take the time to work through what you’re feeling.”

I guess we all know that but it’s a pity others around us don’t make allowances as there seems to be such a pressure to get a grip and get in with it.


Hi I so agree. Until this happens to them they will not realise the pain.


Hi Karen. I agree, we have to work through our grief in our own way and our own speed. Like you at the moment I am in no rush. It is still too early for me to move on. We must take our time. Sending love and hugs xx


Totally agree, they have to walk in your shoes to understand what it’s like to go on this journey. Some days you can cope some days you can’t and you just have to go with it and give In. grief is love but it’s got nowhere to go. I miss my husband every day. 17 months since he died my love is eternal. You need to take care of you


Nearly 20 months for me and it is still so raw. Peter was my absolute world and I will love and grieve for him as long as I live. And I know one day we will meet again and that will put everything right. Hanging on to this belief is the only way I can get through this awful pain :broken_heart: love to all who are struggling