This is only the second time I have posted on here and I’m not sure what I’m “looking” for really, maybe just somewhere to vent. I lost my beloved dad to Dementia in December 2021, nursed him at home with my brother and mum and it was a very traumatic experience, my poor mum never got over it and her Dementia suddenly became worse, probably with the shock of the death of my dad as they had been together for 70 years. Again we as a family looked after mum at her home (we all lived apart), it was very difficult as I work full time and lived a good 30 minutes from mum but we managed it, with the help of her brother and my daughter and mum never had a day without one of us visiting, we did all her cooking, cleaning and personal care and I know she really appreciated what we did for her as she never stopped telling us how much she loved us all. Mum just kind of gave up though as the winter months set in, she stopped eating, no matter what wonderful foods we put in front of her she would just take a few mouthfuls and say she was full, she never wanted to go out but stilled loved her family visits. The guilt I felt as she started to waste away was profound. We got some carers to start coming in a couple of times a week, in between family visits, just for chats and company and she really enjoyed that. After Christmas though she started to just want to stay in bed for large parts of the day and was not well at all, we had to call out the doctor who sent her to hospital straight away as she was quite dehydrated and had low blood pressure, when we got there she tested positive for covid and despite treatment she was just way to frail to fight it off and sadly passed away seven days later on the 29th January 2023, ten days before her Birthday. So that’s both my parents gone in what seems like a blink of an eye., and I honestly don’t know how I feel, It feels so different from when Dad died, we had the funeral yesterday and that’s when I finally broke down and cried my heart out. Not an hour goes by at the moment without having a thought about mum and dad, is this normal to be thinking about them so much, my stomach sometimes churns when I realise I’m not going to see them any more. I’m a 57 year old women and I sometimes feel like a child that wants to just go to my room and mope but I know life has to go on, work, shopping, cooking, cleaning, pretending everything is “normal” when it isn’t. My friends keep saying they’re here when I need to talk but to be honest I don’t want to talk about this to anyone at the moment, It’s too much effort and the words don’t always come out how I want them too and I feel it’s easier to vent on here because we’re all in the same boat and we’re all dealing with grief in our own way and I know I won’t be judged for being self indulgent.
Just a brief reply as my friend is phoning me back in a few mins… But huge, huge thoughts your way. So sorry for your loss. It’s important that you were able to put so much into words. I’m in major grief myself, total shock but with anger inside and just wanting to be a little girl and have my mum and dad back - I’m 55 ! I lost my dad at xmas and my mum just 6 days ago. I’m in agonising grief. I was a full time support carer for both but now my life purpose has gone. My apologies such a quick reply but my phone is ringing again… Best wishes
No apologies required. Thankyou for taking the time, I know that at a time like this not only are you trying to understand your feelings but life is so busy too “organizing” everything. Try to take care of yourself and my heart also goes out to you at this horrible time. Sending lots of Love and hugs your way. Take care xx
My heart goes out to you. My mum passed on Dec 30th and I too am heartbroken…it certainly is normal to feel like you are feeling So many people on here are feeling the same.Itviscthechardestvthingvi have ever gone through Like you I did everything for my mum and I also love half an hour drive from her house so I was back and fore many times every week.I stayed with her overnight a lot also. This is so hard to get through
Like you I have people who say they are there for me but I have found they soon get fed up of me talking and talking about her and continually crying .I have found this site so helpful as I can write away to my hearts content whatever time of the day or night it is. people on her totally understand and my experience has been amazing
Keep posting because you will gain so much support
Thinking of you
I’m sorry your feeling like this too, I’m going over to my mums house today to sort through some things with my daughter, so I know there will be some tears but also some smiles when we get to the old photographs. You’re so right about posting on here, it is such a good way to express how your feeling, Sometimes I just scroll through other peoples posts, to read about what people are feeling and it’s a comfort to know we are not alone. Like you my heart hurts every day when I think of mum but I do know it will get better as I still miss my dad so much but it doesn’t hurt as much now.
I think I now have to go through the process of finding “me” again, as, like you a lot of my life was taken up looking after mum. I wish you well for the future, keep posting and as people keep telling me, look after yourself too. sending hugs your way
I understand your feelings. We lost dad on 2nd December 2022, he had parkinsons with lewy body dementia and we had largely anticipated his death…5 weeks later my mum died very unexpectedly. They had been together 71 years and 2 months when my dad died. Mums grief was all consuming, she couldn’t imagaine a life without my dad in it. He had been her one love since she as 16 years old. Despite what her death certificate says, i beleive she died of a broken heart.
Somedays i cope well, but other days (like today) the pain from losing them both is just overwhelming. I miss my mum so badly it physically hurts.
Please know you arent alone.
We all here trying to navigate these stormy seas
What a beautiful photo
Hello everyone, thank you to us all for sharing on here. I’ll respond more soon. Just to say , I’m sure a lot of us feel this way, but I feel so gutted at this moment, and distraught still, well that won’t go away, I have sunk into a depression state again. I have just ordered some more St John’s Wort herbal tablet because it did help to take the edge off my hopelessness and depression and anger too, I’ve got so much pent up anger inside about the things that went wrong out of my control. I talk into my voice recorder to record my feelings as if that will solve anything! I had let myself go this past week, but managed a proper hair wash etc today. I’m just going to find out how to start my own podcast because I am feeling so alone with all that is going on in my head, and I think sharing stories might help. But of course anonymous. I’ve been listening to other podcasts about grieving etc there’s one called the grieving couch I think. But today I just feel totally hopeless. I did a little ritual in my mum’s room yesterday evening at the time a week before when she passed away, and stupid me was a few feet away in the living room talking to my best friend who had popped round. So you can imagine I’m kicking myself how did I miss that important time by a matter of minutes. I’d been beside her constantly. I videod my mum the hour before. I knew something seemed more different. I said I love you mum, I love you mum in as cheerful s voice as I could do, and all she could do was slightly move her lips a bit almost as an acknowledgement. You see I can just go on and on and on torturing myself. As ever apologies, and thank you everyone’s shared comments and precious photos are so appreciated. I’ll try to upload a photo myself as I didn’t know you could do that here xxx
Apologies I type so much absolutely no pressure to read my long rant. Best wishes everyone
Loves young dream. Mum adored my dad…
Actually her first words she said when she saw him was ‘I’ll have a bit of that’
Maybe we should have a wallboard post where you upload photos of those we’ve loved and lost. Happy memories for us to share and look through.
Admin is this allowed?
As heartbreaking and devastating I have found reading all your comments I also take some sort of comfort in knowing I’m not the only person who has experienced losing my precious Mum and Dad within weeks. Sending you all my love and let’s continue to help each other xx
Sending you much love Fifi. Its been a real struggle xx
Hi all, I can relate to a lot of what has been said here already (my mum died in 2022, my dad in 2016.) I helped to care for my mum for almost 5 years before she died, and in that time she was in & out of hospital about 12 times. In the end she agreed with the GP no more going back to the hospital and was put on palliative care at home, and she died peacefully around 2 months later aged 88. As well as grieving my mum I think the loss of being a carer hit me much harder than I was expecting. I have a job but it mainly serves as a distraction from grief, in no way is it as important to me as helping to care for my mum was. Take care all, Mike.
What a lovely photo
Oh Fifi, your dad looks like a bundle of mischief!
They look so happy