Struggling with loss of dad

I’ve just turned 26, lost my dad in February. I’m not coping very well at all, pushing people closest away, very moody. He had cancer for the second time, we wasn’t sure how long he had left but passed away after a week in hospital. I live the opposite end of the country to my family so it doesn’t feel like he’s gone, I was luckily there when he died. Although he passed away peacefully on his own in his sleep.

We didn’t speak everyday - he was 70 and not very technological! When I go home my mums the house feels empty but as I say because I’m not there all the time when I do go back I feel like he’s just out the house.

I’ve got a one and half year old daughter who I speak to her about although she doesn’t realise what’s happened. My dad adored her and again luckily he saw her two days before he passed and the nurses said it was his “goodbye day” so I’m glad he got to see her.

Sorry this is more of an offload then wanting advice. I don’t want to upset my mum by going on and on about it when she lives in the house they had together.

Thanks for reading! x

Hello Emma,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad at such a young age. I hope it helps a little to be able to offload here - you are among people who understand on this site.

You may also find it helpful to read and reply to some other conversations between people who’ve lost a parent. For example, this conversation between Justme1 and Emily90, who are both the same age as you: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/my-mummy

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Hi emma, so sorry for your loss. I understand completely your feelings of anger and pushing people away. I lost my dad in different circumstances but a massive loss all the same. I’m hoping talking to likeminded people may help in some way?

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I feel your pain, I lost my dad in December 2 days after my birthday. It was totally unexpected and had knocked me for six. I am overwhelmed by the sadness I feel. I hope you have a support network around you xxx

Thank you. Sorry for your loss too. That’s why I came here- to hopefully talk to other similar to my age with the same feelings. My inbox is always open if need a chat. It does feel better talking to someone that knows what’s going on. Hope you’re doing well and have good network of people behind you xxx

So sorry for your loss Chantelle. The unexpectedness is just awful xx

Sorry for your loss Chantelle. I hope you have come to terms with the loss of your dad so unexpectedly. I don’t live near family but always a phone call away, as said above my Inbox is always open for a chat or a vent. Xxx

I have sisters but selfishly in my grief I feel they don’t understand. They weren’t as close to him as I was and the flat he lived in literally faces my house. I’ve tried many things for comfort, a medium reading, ashes into glass ring and a necklace with his fingerprint. The pain just doesn’t lift xx

I can’t imagine what you are going through living opposite the flat knowing he’s not there anymore. I have a brother and 2 half siblings. My mum has my dads ashes so we have scattered some in a place he used to love spending time then the rest are saved. I have recently had a tattoo of his signature and dob on my arm so I can always see that. I don’t know if I’ve got to the “proper” grieving stage, I don’t often go home (army wife) so it’s like I’m ignoring the fact he’s passed away as I didn’t see him everyday. I hope that makes sense? Xxx

I do understand. Being away from it you must feel removed but you are still feeling the same emotions, must be so hard. I’ve distanced myself from my sisters and mum, I’m not sure why, just don’t feel like I want to see them. My mum and dad weren’t together but they were friends and mum moved not long after dads funeral. Maybe it’s because I have no connection with dad in her new house. I know exactly what you mean with the ‘grieving’ stage. I’ve never lost anyone so close so it’s hard to define what grief should be like? I’ve quit my job and just doing agency but even though I’m working with people I don’t know, I can’t help but mention my dad. I don’t know if this is normal but I just want people to know I’m not ok and he was so important to me. Probably sounds strange.xxx

Thank you the same to you, I think it may help talking to people. I’m so tired of the people in my life telling me they know how I feel…! They still have their parents…!!

Omg I know! And how you should be acting or feeling! Angry isn’t the word

I’m 32, my dad turned 60 on 10/12/16, he died 28/12/16 on his way to work after the Xmas period. I went to sleep on day and woke the next to be told he’s gone. My parents split when I was 12 but I lived with him. I feel like a piece of me has gone with him.

So sorry Chantelle. I’m 26, my dad died playing football on 20/1/17. He was 55. I spoke to him at 5.30pm, at 9pm I got a phone call to say he’d had a funny turn at footy. Assuming it was a bad tackle, by 10pm a doctor was telling me he’d died. I too feel a piece of me is lost. People say it takes time blah blah but the pain is unreal as I’m sure you feel the same. I know there won’t be an Day we’re over it, but surely there’ll be a day we won’t feel this bad? If you don’t mind me asking how did he die?

My lovely dad , he passed away at the wheel of his white van. I begged them not to but the coroner did a PM and found he had a very large undiagnosed aortic anerysm that had ruptured. It caused him to crash his van into a tree. Thankfully he wasn’t driving fast and he wasn’t visibly hurt by the crash. My hubby and I had to do the formal identification for the police. I close my eyes and I see him laying there each night when I go to bed.

I know the pain we feel will probably always be with us. I just can’t stop the incredible sadness I feel. I have 2 boys and a wonderful hubby. My dad had a girlfriend and 3 more kids so I have half siblings but I can’t face them.

So sorry for your loss. The way it’s happened makes it so hard. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye x

Pms are awful but the only thing you need to think is that once they’re gone, you have a lifetime of thinking so it’s better to know than not. I’m glad he wasn’t visibly injured, I can’t even imagine having to go and identify your dad must have been horrific. I went and saw my dad after he died in resus and he looked so helpless and small lay there in his hospital gown, that was bad enough.

My dad died at the scene of his accident so, he was taken straight to the mortuary. Hideous place. Hated seeing him there. The paramedics and police tried for nearly an hour to save him but with aneurysms there’s very little hope. Makes me hate being a nurse !
I’m desperately sorry you’ve had to go through this so much younger than me. Ladies we have been robbed xxx

My dad died at the scene also but I was lucky in the fact that he was taken to resus and his football friend had phoned me so I arrived at the hospital even before dad did. No matter our ages, it’s still so painful. We could be in out 80s but our daddies are our daddies and always will be. I’m glad we’ve found eachother to talk to though, I was on the edge thinking it was only me x

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