You certainly find out who your true friends are . I’ve had lifelong friends who haven’t been there for me yet people I’ve barely known sending me messages asking to meet up and simply being there for me , some I had drifted from over the years have been immensely supportive. I don’t think friends want to stay away they simply cannot deal with that level of grief . I’ve never felt so lonely as the time since I lost Neil , my mum had died only four months before , she was my best friend and always there for me . I’ve not even had time to grieve for her . Talking about it helps but when I talk to the people in my life I cry and it upsets them . Maybe talking on here is more therapeutic, no judgement . It feels like it’s helping me x
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Talkings good,crying is also a good release,i believe tears are love with nowhere to go.Grief is different for us all.Keep talking if only on this page,people know and feel your pain.Take care
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Im so grateful and thankul that i can open up and just be myself and talk away about Aaron. Ive got my granddaughter coming soon bit i cant see the mother as she was the one who kicked him out in the first place which led to his death. Im civil because of lily-Mae but i cant forgive her for what she did to him and the months previous where she attacked him with a knfe and tbrew plates and bowls at him. As hard as it is for me i think aaron is in such a safe place now awzy from my grandsons mum and also her. No more emotional mental and physical abuse but ir hurts me so much that i will never hig him kiss him or see him again. I do believe in karma so what will be for people will be xxxxx
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Thats a good thing that you and myself can think they in a safer happier place even though its so hard.Im sure Aaron will be with you forever and a day in your heart and your mind,his happy memories will come back to you.He will be watching over you.Take care
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I read a poem at James’s funeral which was about remembering his life and not defining him by his death. I try to do that and maybe it will get easier in time, but spend so much time thinking “if only “ and imagining different outcomes for him and Nicole.
I suppose it’s early days, but it’s so hard.
Sue, I’m glad you can see your grand daughter, it would have been another awful loss if her mother stopped you from having her 
I’m going to get up and showered now, my intention of getting up at 9 has not happened yet again. My bed seems a safe place, and I’ve been listening to a James Herriot audio book to calm my thoughts.
Take care of yourselves all of you, I hope today isn’t too hard for you xxx
I think that too about my son, safe and resting, in a better place than fighting his addiction. Just wish I could hug and hold him, it’s his birthday today, the first without him. The sun is shining in his resting place, bulbs all in flower, peaceful.
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Thinking of you MJG, a difficult day, but as you say, he is at peace: my son had his struggles too, and I try to think of him with his girlfriend, together forever at last xxxx
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Yes i agree i think aaron is definitely happier now with most probably your boys. Sending evesry single one of you all so muchove and strength and i truly believe its much happier up there for every single one od them even though my heart is,so totally broken xxx
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I feel like absolute shit! Ive just spent 3 hours down at the cemetery with aaron and crying like a baby.i cant remember if i took my tablets this morning or not and thats how i am like brain fog! I asked why they didnt take ne instead and spare aaron.sorry for moaning xxxxx
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Hey Sue, it’s not moaning, it’s grief. No apology necessary…. I think the same thing, and my poor mum torture’s herself with the same thought.
My counsellor put an interesting question to me last week, asking if I had died instead of James, would I want him to experience this dreadful grief for me.
In all honesty, I wouldn’t want that, we were really close and it would have hit him so hard…
I think I just want the clock turned back, maybe to this time last year, but knowing what I know now, so I could try to change things.
I’m really sorry you’re having such a hard time, you must have loved Aaron so much xxx
Hi to you all, I really feel for you. It’s so hard to lose a child, I don’t know how we all get up in the morning! I came home from work this evening and I thought I saw my Kevin in the window. It absolutely broke me, crying so much, its heartbreaking. I took my little dog for a walk, sobbing all the way!
Grief is a long, lonely journey. I do find solace on this forum. I think we understand each other more than anyone else can.
I wish I could take all your pain away. Im sending so much love to you all.
Remember, how proud our precious kids would be of us, just to keep going each day makes you a warrior!!!
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Thankyou so much to both of you!! My counsellor asked me the same question if i I died and aaron hadn’t. There would have been no way that he would have coped with that and his mental and emotional state i think it would have completely finished him off!! I saw someone as well that looked like aaron on the ward i had to go off and have a cry. White vans are my trigger the same with scaffolding and fire .xxx
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Aw, gorgeous! You should be proud xx
I reallly am penny love and niss him so much xxxx
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What a lovely young man Sue. xxx
James, just after he’d met Nicole when she came over to the UK for the first time. He looks so happy xxx
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Hes bloody beautiful!!!xxxx
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Your boys were both so handsome I find it’s hard to look at Neil’s photos but hard not to . Had some emails about the trial today and it’s sent me on a spiral , feel exhausted this evening and even having a glass of water is too much . I hate feeling like this like I’m trapped in a deep dark hole . I try hard not to be sad and cry as I’m worried my family will think I’m going crazy . Truth is at times I think I am !
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