Kim your son is so beautiful. Every single one of us are on this horrific same journey .im so thankful and grateful that finally i can reach out without having to keep things to myself. This site is really helping me and i look at every single picture of all these such gorgeous boys and i pray that they are all together having the most beautiful wonderful happy lives togetherxxxxx
All these gorgeous boys gone too soon . As mums we would trade places in a heartbeat. I’m having the most horrendous day today , my friend took me on holiday and I felt able to detach a little and actually enjoyed some of the places we visited ( cruising) however now I’ve arrived back home the reality has hit me so hard . I feel guilty for even managing a smile and I’m dreading the court case . Neil’s killer has already admitted guilt to all the charges , so I know even though it’s in a foreign country justice will be done , it just won’t bring back my beautiful boy , I miss him so much . Seeing you all on here and these beautiful young men makes me realise I’m not alone and it brings me comfort to know there are other people who understand this deep grief I feel , I just wish none of us had to - so to the people in my phone , thank you for being there and for sharing thoughts , good and bad we are there for each other xx
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Handsome Angel
I understand what you mran cherish i felt guilty for laughing the other day and felt like im a really bad mum. You are going through so much and just taking that ine day at a time and not even thinking about the following day helps me alot. My last good day was tge the day before aaron died and i know im not the same person anymore. I have to try for my other 2 childten who are 28 and nearly 21 but sonetimes i feel as though im pushing them out because of my grief for Aaron. Just by writing this i could cry and now i feel that im not alone anymore by writing and expressing how i feel. Im on a nightshift tonight and my patients keep me busy but 24/7 aaron is on my mind. One day at a time cherish and just find that stre gth to get thrkugh that day xxxxx
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My tears flow daily.We all just get how each mum and dad feel at this very sad surreal time.I send love strength to each and everyone,including our beautiful angels 🩷💙
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I want to share something with you all so please dont think im a nutter as i I actually had to question myself .5 months ago i took pictutes of aarons resting place as i light candles and talk to him all the time and ive been in such terrible states that i just wanred to be with him. Ever since then i see angels spirits orbs in all my photos .they touch my hair and i wake up to find feathers on my bed and this is all the time. Ive always been quite spiritual before aarons death and aaron always used to question how i knew so many things but now its on a different level. Ive shown my nursefriends pictures of what i see and every single day as soon as i start to talk and pray things happen. Has anyone else experienced thease things?xxxxxx
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I wish I could receive a sign from my son we used to talk about it all the time I have had a reading with a medium and some of the things she said were true I have lits of pictures on my shelves in my living room and a few week ago one of them fell down I joked with my husband and said it was Luke she told me about this and said it was him and some other things she said were true. I do not know whether I believe or not I wish I did as I feel it would give me peace. I just have to hope that he is at peace and not in pain anymore and hopefully if there is something after death that he is with my mum and dad as he was very close to them and I have been told by 2 people that it was my dad that fetched him. I was there when he passed away and I kept hugging him and telling him he could go.
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I do believe they are all in a happy place and are at peace now 
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Losing my mum just 4 months before Neil was killed makes me believe she was there to guide him through on his last journey and it gives me great strength, I’ve always been very spiritual but I think for Neil the grief is just to raw for me to make sense or reason . I completely forgot ( or blanked out ) most of his childhood it was simply too painful to visit but slowly I am remembering beautifully things which happened during his short life , he was vegetarian and loved animals and nature , he would go on holiday to sit in a field a paint a cow , he lived on a riverboat and would phone me to tell me he had seen tiny baby ducks and he would have never gotten into a fight , he was in life my angel and in death he continues to be this . I can’t talk about my feelings to his siblings as they are hurting so much too . My only consolation is for the time he was on this earth he was mine and I’m so blessed to have been and continue to be his mum xx
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Thank you all for sharing your boys photos, didn’t we raise some handsome chaps! We are linked by the most awful pain and understand each others grief,
It may seem weird but it felt very cathartic to show you all my son Thomas. I send my love to you all x
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I’ve also found comfort in sharing James’s photo and a little about him on here. It’s lovely to see all your beautiful son’s, thank you all so much for posting them here.
It feels like a safe space on this forum to grieve and to talk about seeing signs, - Sue, I’m glad you see some orbs in your photos, plus feathers. I would really like to believe in these … it sounds daft, but the Alexa speaker near my bed has flashed white very briefly on three separate occasions in the early hours of the morning. I’ve never seen it do this before, and once was after I’d asked James if he would be happy for us to commemorate his girlfriend Nicole, on a plaque next to his when we plant a tree to put his ashes under. ( I write to him most nights, before I go to sleep 6.
I’ve started reading a little on people’s beliefs, and like the idea that we have soul families who we return to after death.
I’m trying to just let that sit with me for a while, because I think doing too much thinking about it has made me even worse… last week was the worst so far.
Thank you all for being here, it really does help me a lot.
xxxx
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I just feel so relieved i can share all my innermost thoughts and emotions without being judged or being left alone to struggle with my grief. I thank you all so very much and for sharing your innermost feelings of love for all your beautiful boys and their beautiful photos xxxxx
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I also write to my son every night, at the time he passed. He is also the last one I talk to before I go to sleep. I grab onto anything that has a link to him. If I didn’t have my belief there is something else when we pass I don’t think I would’ve made it through losing Thomas, I need that confirmation that he will live on somewhere. He cannot have lived just these 35 years, for me there has to be more.
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I also send my son a message everyday.I kiss his bedroom door every night and wish him sweet dreams.I say good morning to him every day.Im going away for a week next weekend and taking his photo with me
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Another thing I’ve done is I had photos of Thomas printed and when either I, or friends and family, travel we leave a photo wherever we can so Thomas is still travelling in some way. It’s just a way of us including him in our lives still. My stepdaughter took a photo of him to Greece and as she was taking a picture his photo was taken by the wind as though he was ready to go off and explore. One day I will get to New Zealand, the one place he wanted to go.
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I take a photo of aaron to work me at the hospital so hes,always with me. Light a,candle every day with his pictures in photoframes and have morning cofee with him sometimes i sleep with his photos so that hes close to my heart and kiss his pictures all the time xxxx
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Me and my lovely Kev xxxxxx
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Honesty my heart is broken, how can that kind, gorgeous boy be gone. I will never see him again. Its just too sad xx
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He will always be in your heart xx
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