On a 12 5 hour nightshift extremely busy with 12 patients. Thinking about aaron all the time and keep asking is this real? Or is it a nightmare im going to wake up from. Thats brill news with going back to work just see how it goes qe are all here to support you!!! Thankyou penny for your message to all of us ot makes me feel that i can share everything of how i feel and be so open with it and not being judged xxxxx
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Noone judges,we all are battling our own grief.Have a good day everyone.Stay positive.We all got each others back which is so comforting 
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Thank you. You are all so lovely.
I went to a drop in for a bereavement service that our funeral director runs today. Met a couple of really kind ladies who help facilitate it, and having a look a the different options they offer, which includes 1:1 counselling.
( all funded by the funeral director, which is such a kind thing to do).
Having one of those empty hopeless days today, missing James and wishing I could turn back the clock.
Thinking of all 
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Yes i feel a breakdown coming on and im going diwn to see Aaron and to sit and talk with him for a while. Im the only one doen there so i can talk away cry and scream if i want to .ive prayed so much as well to turn thst ckock back to the Thursday night when i saw him and wished so much that i could have changed absolutely everything just like every single one of us xxxxx
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I had one of those days yesterday, sobbing and crying out I’m sorry , like I could have changed anything but I can’t even reason with myself when I get like that , I must have sobbed continuously for two hours . I get myself in such a state . Today I’m feeling a bit stronger . I think having a meltdown and letting it all out helps . I’m full of what ifs and wanting to turn back time , but even if I could I’m sure Neil would have still gone on holiday . He was just enjoying his life . Sending hugs to each one of you , I think coming in here I’ve finally found people who fully understand how I feel xxx
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I think it’s impossible not to think “what if” … I’m always playing out alternate scenarios, where I’d been into James’s room in the early hours and spotted something was wrong.
You’re right, letting all the tears and screams out helps, it must be better than squishing it all down, but this is a hard path to travel.
Thinking of you both xxxx
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I really liked seeing your photos, so thought I’d post one of James and Nicole, taken when he stayed with her in the States this time last year. Two beautiful souls who are so terribly missed
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I think everyone says what “if”.Fridays are my worst day as Kials accident was on Friday @3.49pm,12 weeks today,ive kept myself busy all day,my house is gleaming all washing done bedroom tidied,bedding changed now im shattered.Hope you all have the best weekend you can,take care 
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Aw, how beautiful are they! The tremendous love we feel for our darlings will go with them wherever they are. Im sure my boy still feels my love, I truly hope so. We all just want to put our arms round them one more time and protect them. Sending much love and courage to you all xxxxxx
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To Broken67
Im thinking of you, I think we all relive the 'moment ’ over and over. I bet your house is gleaming! Have a rest now, you deserve it. Sending love xxxxx
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What a beautiful photo !!! Sending so much love .strength and hugs to every single one of you. Im so grateful and thankful to every singke one of you for listening and understanding. Im aitting with Aaron and all his solar lights have come on. I feel so sad because i shoulfnt be here i should be making him chili con carne and a glass of wine! 
xxxxxx
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This is me last july with my husband so you know what i look like even though im full of eyebags now with constantly crying and look like crap xxxxx
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Beautiful lights.I feel like ive aged 20 years in 12 weeks,all the crying and stress of losing my beautiful boy.Its bound to take a toll on us all.Happy weekend to you all
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Sue, I love the lights, they look beautiful, as do you… I think grief has aged me, and I’ve virtually stopped looking after my skin and hair, it’s gone feral … thanks for sharing your photo… I’ll try and find one of me to post, xxxx
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You look absolutely amazing!! Feel like i ive aged tons .my hair has gone willd and i suppose let nyself go because i cannot be arsed!! Xxxx
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I look back and i cannot believe how its all come to this!! I never ever thought as you all do as well that i hugged aaron on the Thursday night before he died on the Sunday not ever thinking that i woukd never see him again! Waved to my neighbour’s as he left in his van bot ever thinking that one of ny neighbour’s would be doing his funeral flowers. 7 months this Sunday and it feels like it only happened yesterday .i just think finding the strength to just to even get through each day is such a task and i can never remember what the date is as its like groundhog day. Different day but the same torture and feeling so incredibly low and lost without our sons. I know myself that i will never ever get over losing aaron and i don’t even know where my path will lead me now but all i do know that its a going to be such a long path a long journey of grieving .my whole life has changed the person that i was last year has gone and trying to accept the new me is going to take such a long time xxxxx
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You both look lovely and I’m sure that’s how our boys would want us to be . I know Neil hated emotions so I try to be the person. He knew and I want to make him proud . I would not have wanted Neil to be sad forever had it been the other way round . The solar lights look beautiful. I light my candles each night for Neil , and I’ll be forever grateful I was chosen to be his mum .xx
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That was my son, although he had learning disability. He was dying of a rapid cancer , he said to me I don’t want people crying over me. He was so kind and Brave and he loved life . People just loved him . This cancer is so horrible ,so fast and it has no mercy.They think 1in 2 people are affected by cancer in some form now as it is on the increase.
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