I’m crushed. I lost Thomas Jan 2024 and his wife took her life this week. She couldn’t handle life without him, was sectioned 3 times but wouldn’t stay on her medication. She got herself out this last time with the sole intention of taking her life. She lived in California so I couldn’t keep an eye on her from here but I knew when she didn’t answer my messages that she’d had another episode. She promised me she would call me if she had these feelings again but obviously she didn’t feel she could get in touch. I loved her so much, she made Thomas so very happy for the 5 years they were together. She had lost custody of her son to his biological father, this is going to break his little heart. We had hoped she was going to pull through, she had a new job and was working to get joint custody. It breaks my heart that she felt so alone and that she had no other option. It’s brought me down so much, all I keep thinking about is how she was feeling as she did it. I wish we could’ve saved her but at least she’s with Thomas now 
This is so truly truly heartbreaking im so sorry to hear such devastating news .i wish there was something i could do or say to ease your pain but im always here to talk to to scream too if you want to. Xxxxxx
Lcc, I’m so sorry, a tragedy, losing two loved ones. I hope you have some kind people around you to support and hug you. Losing a son just breaks you, the pain is so hard to bear. Thinking of you…xxxxx
Thank you both for your kind words. It’s been so hard losing Thomas, I know Gwen loved him so much but I thought she would pull through eventually for her son. She seemed to be at a good point, with a great new job, her anxiety seemed better but something just changed all of a sudden. We’ll never know exactly what she was thinking but she was determined to leave us and I’m 6000 miles away wishing I could’ve saved her. A happy little family gone. I will probably never see the little boy who called Thomas dad and me grandma ever again, his biological father won’t allow it.
Just realised I put that Thomas left us Jan 2024 it was 2023.
Lcc59
Im so, so sorry you are going through this. The reality is that it’s too hard which is why that poor girl took her life.
Im ashamed to say I tried to commit suicide when my boy died. I just want to be with him but somehow now I seem to get through an hour or a day at a time.
Please dont feel alone, we all know how you feel.
I don’t sleep much so post on here any time.
Sending love, strength and courage to everyone.
Penny xx
Yes being honest myself i didnt want to wake up a d i asked Aaron several times to come and get me as i just didbt want to feel any more pain i just couldnt cope with it!! I just wanted to go to sleep a nd asked for me to never wake up and come and get me. Then i felt so guilty that i had them thoughts when that pain inside is so intense so crushing a d ot feels like complete torture every single day you just want that pain to stop. I have to keep going for my other 2 children xxxxx
Yes I felt the same, if I hadn’t got 2 other sons I would’ve joined Thomas straight away but I couldn’t do that to them. My sons went through such a hard time when we lost Thomas. I broke it to my eldest son but have not told my youngest yet as he’s in away at university and I want to be there when I tell him. I’ve spent half the day in bed because it’s hit me so hard. I’m upset that my thoughts when she disappeared from social media this last time is that I was angry that she had ruined all the hard work she had put in and the guilt of those feelings will stay with me even though I never said anything to her. I had been sending photos to her and I know she saw them but she didn’t reply just in case it would perk her up. It’s so painful, she will be forever 32 like Thomas is forever 35, what an awful thing to happen.
Oh and when I broke it to my ex husband he was upset but today he has stated he wants the car that he bought them back! I think her family have enough on their plate without worrying about his car.
It is hard, trying to survive the pain, I’ve thought about not being here too; James was our only son, but I think, knowing how hard it would be for my friends and family if I died, has stopped me.
I think we’re really brave, keeping going in spite of how hard it is without our beautiful boys.
I’m so sorry we’re all in this awful situation, but being on here at least reminds me that there are other mums who understand.
Much love xxxx
I went to my meduim cheryl the other day and i had a,reading and what she said to me only me and aaron knew about it and that was to come and get me. He said ive heard you asking me to come and get you mother and your not coming. You have far too much to do and when its your time ill come for you now stop it!!! I I actually felt quite embarrassed as cheryl knew what and how i was,feeling at that time. Aaron was full of wit and his personality a d the tbings he came out with had everyone laughing!! He also said which is so typical of him that i look a mess and need to sort myself out but laughing while he was saying it. So i bought a new moisturizer!!! Noone understands aoart from everyone of us on here what its like to feel that crushing pain and that broken bleeding heart a d the emptiness that you feel inside xxxx
Wow that must’ve felt good to get that. I want to try a medium but I’ve no idea how you tell the real ones from the rip offs. I did try dressing up a bit when I went to the bereavement group this month and it was commented on how good I looked but after this latest news I’m back in my leggings and T-shirt mode, life has turned very black for me again.
It’s very hard to keep going but we do, sometimes we think we can’t take another minute of the pain but we struggle through. One thing that scares me is that I will forget what his voice sounds like, that would be awful. He was always so upbeat, could make me laugh so well.
Sue, how lovely to have a meaningful message from your medium. I will look around locally for someone in a few more months, after I’ve gone to the spiritualist church.
I think I would feel comforted if I had some kind of contact from James, ( and Nicole), but I guess I’m also scared that I won’t.
Hoping that you’re managing ok today xxxx
The things that he said like people putting things on his Facebook page are hypocrites and some people crying at his funeral are hyppercrires too!!! People have been putting things on his Facebook page but there is so much to tell especially things that only me and him know. Hes on a farm with animal’s and mending farm machinery which was actually his dream!!! Since aaron died i pray all the tine and keep my faith .i sense him around me all the time xxxxx
I watch things lije the afterlife and warch near death experiences every person says exactly the same how beautiful wonderful and amazing heaven is xxxxxx
I think my belief that there is something else after we pass is the only thing that really has kept me going, I need to know that this wasn’t Thomas’s only life. He deserves to live a life without constant illness and worry, he deserves a full life with never ending love. His wife is with him now, I daydream that he came and got her when she passed as he adored her and was very protective of her. Things are being said on Facebook about her passing, I do hope people respect her family’s privacy and don’t ask questions. I was asked by her friend yesterday how she ended her life, Wtaf! How disrespectful is that?
What a terrible thing to ask; some things are never ok, I don’t know what’s the matter with some people. I’m so sorry, incredibly insensitive.
I haven’t watched many programmes on near death experiences etc, but I think I remember there was one on Netflix that people said was really interesting… I’m not sure I’m in the right headspace to watch it yet, but will look it up to watch later in the year. ( I can only cope with repeats of the original series of All Creatures Great and Small at the moment)
My best friend is staying here this week, her children were good friends with James and she’s been brilliant since he died.
Please take care of yourselves xxx
Thats absolutely disgusting!!! Thats one of the reasons i came off Facebook when aaron died all sorts of rumours went round burton.upon trent that he had been mudered. Burnt alive .shot in the head it was everywhere all these rumouts that i heard and what was on Facebook. It caused me so much trauma and when i walked out ny street somebody i knew said sorry that your son was murdered!!! And that was on Facebook!!! I wish peoole would show sone compassion and respect xxxxxxx
Social media seems to make people forget they are talking about real people with real feelings. And again, unless someone has been through what we have, they don’t understand the trauma and pain involved. I’m so sorry you’ve both had these unfeeling comments to deal with xxxx
Oh that is awful Sue, people these days think it’s okay to write such terrible things on social media. I am so sorry you have had to deal with that, what happened to respecting people’s privacy? You did right by getting off those sites. I couldn’t bring myself to put anything on Facebook until Thomas’s birthday 9 months later, it was too raw for me.
My daughter in laws poor parents, I do hope that people are giving them privacy and love. I don’t think there’s going to be a funeral so I won’t get to say goodbye so I’ll find some way of honouring her over here.