It’s hard to allow ourselves to do what we know we need, when there are other demands on us. I think we’re so good at making ourselves feel guilty for not doing things, but we’ve been knocked over by a tsunami and our whole way of being has been overturned - no wonder we’re exhausted. I think James’s death will leave me in tears for the rest of my life, but he is worth any amount of tears.
xxxx
Woke up 10.40 back in bed again. Have a nightshift as,well tonight. I think im definitely going to walk away from people that say them things to me as all ive done so far is,cry at their comments. I realky dont know what i would do without you all abd then to top it off hmrc want money off me as aaron didnt keep up to date with self assessments. I had that sorted out for me last year with a bereavement woman in hmrc who told me not to worry abour anything and then another comes today!!! I will as well have a look at compassionate friends but at this moment in time i just wsnt to sleep before its tine to get ready for work sending love to each and every one of you xxxxx
Hope you get some rest Sue. HMRC are really insensitive contacting you again, that’s horrible for you. I hope you manage to get them sorted without having to pay anything else.
Rest up, and I hope the night shift goes smoothly xxxx
Thankyou so much i will try my best. Always,here for every single one of you i just wish we all lived closer so we,can hug each other as thats,what i think all of us need xxxxxx
I agree, hugs and being able to talk about our boys, our grief face to face would be so good xxxxx
Hope you all have the best weekend you can xx
You too Cherish 
I dont know about any of you all but i feel absolutely terrible. I feel like ive gone back to day 1. This woman at work on Thursday night who i havnt seen fir years said you used to be so happy and friendly and such a laugh knowing full well that aaron had died. I said sorry that im not coco the clown but as you know my son has died i was that upset and cried i just wanted to go hone!!! Ive not felt the same since .i was in bed at 8 last night felt so low and so depressed thats the 3rd person now that had made a comment of how i should be.i have aarons daughter over night tonight shes nearly 5 minths old now i could easily just stop in bed all day and just cry xxxxxxx
I just don’t understand how thoughtless people can be. I’m so sorry you’ve had to listen to it, and how on earth do they expect you to be sunshine and smile, when you’ve lost your beautiful son.
Hard looking after a baby when you’re so so exhausted, hopefully she’ll have a long nap so you can have some rest during the day.
It’s 11 weeks today that James died. We went to a live music event last night, the two friends of James were playing, and they dedicated the song they played at his funeral service to him, which was lovely but so sad too.
My best friend has been staying this week, and just gone home to Stoke, she’s moved up there to be closer to her daughter…. She’s been amazing since James died, and Im really going to miss her… so we can cry together Sue, I think we’re entitled as we’ve both lost such special young men.
Thinking of you and sending you a massive hug xxxx
A tsunami is a good description of it. We’ve lost our child which has ripped our hearts out and we’ve also lost what we expected our futures to be like. It also feels wrong that our children died before us and we are still here. It is a life changing thing and I know I can’t go back and be the person I was before. I felt like a jigsaw someone upturned all over the floor and some of the pieces are missing and lost forever. From what so many people say on here and my own experience, there’s also more minor but still painful losses like friends who disappear, family issues. For me there’s a lot of guilt that I couldn’t stop her dying. My rational mind knows that no one can control such things, but feelings and grief just isn’t always rational, it’s emotional. I keep on because it’s not my time to die. It’s over two years and the pain doesn’t go away but I am learning to kind of multi task the feelings and able to function as well. It was a big relief once I gave over trying to ‘get over it’ now I just try to learn to ‘live with it’ as best I can. It’s a lifetime journey and it takes its own time. When it’s a bad day I just keep on keeping on till I get a better day. Hand on heart to anyone in the early times it really doesn’t stay forever as bad as when you are in the stage of shock and grief and utter 24/7 pain. Slowly, slowly it is possible to pick yourself up. It never goes away and it often feels selfish to think of something else or even have some fun. In any case it takes time to even want to have any pleasure or think of anything else. One of the thoughts that someone on here said is ‘we keep them in our hearts pocket’. I remind myself that though my daughter died, I’m still her mum and that’s forever. When I’m asked if I have any kids I just say that yes I do have a daughter but she died. Xxxx
Yes, always a mum. I think I’m so sad that I can’t support James and his girlfriend Nicole going forward, as they move into their own home. I always thought of me being a safety net for James, someone who would always be there for him, not judging and offering help if he needed it.
Losing him has definitely made me appreciate my friends and family; they have been so supportive, but also surprised me as to who kept us at arms length…. I know some people feel uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, but remaining completely absent has made me reevaluate some friendships.
Thank you for sharing how you are feeling, a little further along this pathway non of ever thought we’d have to travel.
Much love xxx
Trying to find that strength to get through each day is a massive struggle i still find myself struggling to believe thst all this has happened and hoped that it was a horrific nightmare that i would wake up from. Peoples opinions have hurt me so much that ive becone so super sensitive now and my confidence what ever bit i havr had has been shattered. Yes i am a,completely different person now but i should imagine each and every single one of us feel exactly the same. Just want to say thankyou to every one of you so much and where everyone else has disappeared and left and im so happy i have all of you xxxx:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I’ve definitely lost my permanent optimism and my “ sparkle”, I try to act ok but tears break through very easily.
At the gig last night I spoke to Jimmy, the singer and songwriter, as her oldest son, Jimmy’s brother, took his own life 5 years ago. We’re going to meet for a cuppa and a chat later on. She’d written a poem for her son, Sean, which Jimmy had expanded into a song. It was really moving. If I can get the lyrics, I’ll post on here ( or a recording from last night), it resonated with me so much.
All the mum’s on here give me comfort, and I think it helps to write how we feel on here, it gets it out of my head and stops my thoughts going round and round.
xxxx
Sue3p
So sorry you are having such a bad time. Try and stay strong. I know that is hard. I just listened to Pearl Jam ‘Come back’. I broke my heart, listen to it, the words are so,so poignant.
It is true that our future has changed for us. Try and take life an hour at a time, its as much as we can do.
Much love to you all, hoping your heartbreak will ease xxxxx
Hi,
I right on this community page several times and I never have a response.
I’m just wondering if I’m doing something wrong or my messages are just not interesting enough.
It seems to me that only certain people are connecting with each other and that makes me not only feel lonely but unheard.
I thought this would be a life line and helpful in my continuing grief.
I’m confused and feel like I am not getting any support from this.
Once again,and for the last time, I’m reaching out about the devastating loss of my son on the 1st of November 2022 at the age of 31 years.
He passed unexpectedly and suddenly at home with me and my daughter and I couldn’t save him.
I have nightmares,flashbacks and I try to support my daughter through this extremely painful and difficult time.
Can anyone reach out to me?
I have tried to reach out to so many and have had no support or response.
Jayne x
Hi Jayne
I’m sorry for the devastating loss of your son , no words can take away the pain and it’s a very lonely road . I only lost my son in September 2023 it was very sudden , someone cruelly took his life and processing it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t think anyone would be particularly ignoring your messages , we all just try to be as supportive as possible whilst dealing with the greatest of loss .words of support are not easy but we muddle through and try our best . If you reply to a particular poster I’m sure you will be responded to and we can all support each other .
Weekends seem to be a particularly hard time , I lost my son on a Sunday so it’s never easy .
Don’t stop talking. Someone is always reading and listening even if they are not strong enough to reply
Hopefully we can just all be there for each other .
Sending you hugs - Linda
Jayne
Please, don’t feel like that darling. It certainly was not intentional. Im so sorry for the loss of your son.
I honestly dont know why you did not get a response. We are all here to help each other and im sorry you feel let down.
Please continue your journey on this forum. I am always here and will respond to you xxxxx
We all need to be aware of Jaynes comments. I feel we are such a caring group, I hate to think of someone feeling like she did. Xxxxx
Just been checking your posts Jayne
Some have had as many as 80 replies so I’m not sure why you are not able to see them . Its a shame as you’ve had a lot of very supportive replies , perhaps you could email an admin to see if it’s a setting you have on
Linda xx
Jayne
Have you seen these responses? Xx