Sue, I’m really sorry yesterday was difficult, I won’t be celebrating mine when the time comes. Last year James bought me a watch, so I think I’m just going to stop birthdays in 2023, when my world was good.
Sounds like your husband has booked a lovely break away for you- I did find going away for a couple of nights helped me a bit.
I’ve been thinking about guilt a lot recently- I don’t think I should be doing nice things because James can’t do anything at all…
We’ve got a severe weather warning in Southampton today, so stay safe anyone else in the storm’s path xxxx
I totally understand the guilt, if I go out and enjoy something I feel really bad. When we visit my step grandbabies I do enjoy their little chats and laughs then on the way home I cry because it distracted me.
Thinking of you all this Easter weekend. My first without James. I’ve been out in the garden today, as the sun is out, and everywhere reminds me of him as he was helping me get the garden under control all last summer and autumn.
I’m posting this quote, just because it reminds me that the terrible gut wrenching grief I feel is because I loved him so much. It makes me feel that it’s natural and normal to shed so many tears for him.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son, my beautiful girl was only 35 when I lost her last October,so I truly do know what you’re going through right now. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy
Please feel free to get in touch if you’d like to?
Warm regards and hugs, Shirley xxxc
Hi shirleyliz1 im so sorry to hear about losing your beloved daughter .each and every one of us on here feels enormous amount of excruciating pain with losing our children the pain is horrific which brings me to my knees. Every day i think about my aaron and feel so unhappy so bloody miserable and my life will bever be the same . Taking just one,day at a time i struggle alot and cant seem to accept aaron isent here anymore xxx
Hi Shirleyliz1
I’m really sorry to hear about your daughter, it is so hard to bear. This forum is such a comfort because nobody I know has gone through this and I don’t think my husband understands exactly how I feel. xxxx
I have been put in the garden today as well cause I have been missing my son Luke really badly today and I tend to go in the garden when I am sad about him he passed away in July last year after a 3 year horrendous disease which left him bedridden from August 2020 til he passed away last July. I really miss him he was 37 when he passed and I am sad for the life that he hasn’t been able to live I am a totally different person since he passed I feel that part of me died
with him. I was there with him when he passed and I just cannot get out of my head how emancipated he looked from being a very healthy young man who never smoked or drank he was so thin and looked nothing like my son. Maybe one day I will get that image out of my head I hope so as it was a horrendous image to keep seeing. Sorry for going on but I am feeling really down today and its his 1st Heavenly birthday on the 13th of April the 1st one since he passed.
Sending lots of love and hugs to all of you grieving mums out there life is so cruel.
Kim xx
Really struggling to get out of bed this morning could sleep all day just to have a respite from the pain i dont think im getting better im sure im getting alot worse!! My husband wants to drag me out for a walk but i just cant be bothered to go its 8 months and 2 weeks today .im just so unhappy i cant even mustle up a smike for my family im sure they are getting pissed off with me being in such a mess!! Just feel an absolute burden but i cant help the way that i feel xxxxx
I feel your pain,17 weeks for me.I have to push myself just that little bit more each day.Baby steps.Just getting through each day is painful but we just have to keep going somehow xx
Hi Kim, I have horrible flashbacks to James death, we had to give him CPR until the ambulance arrived and it was just so desperate. I’m going to have some trauma therapy a bit later, and I try to block the thoughts out of my mind if I can.
Sue, I’m still in bed too, it feels like there’s no point in getting up - although I know I’ll probably feel a little more human if I do. Your husband sounds like a lovely man, I’m lucky like that too, mine has been doing everything round the house as I don’t care enough to do anything.
Dont ever feel like your going on at all. This journey is bloody horrific for every single one of us. Im going to have to go back to bed as i just look and feel like absolute shit. When im like this im better off being by myself as im not company for any of my family at all!!! Sending you love and strength xxxxx
Jamies mum im going back to bed now been for a walk and didn’t bloody enjoy it one little bit!!! Going to snuggle up to aarons hoodie in bed and shut myself off for a while!!! Just cant shake off this low mood and depression no matter how hard i try!!! Xxxx
Its so bloody hard isent it broken i just wonder what i have done so badly in my life to be punished this way. Struggling and suffering every single day its like constant torture!! Sending every single one of you so much love xxxxx
Sue, I’ve finally got up, and washed my hair ( which was really manky). It’s good you tried a walk, but I honestly think we need to follow what we need to do, and being in bed works for me too.
Yesterday because it was sunny, James’s room smelled of smoke, which was a strong reminder of him ( he used to smoke out of his window), really evocative. My heart turns over in my chest when I think of him.
I’m trying to put a collage together of photos to make a heart shape, and get it framed but it’s really fiddly, so has distracted me a bit.
My heart is broken, how can I live without you?
You were my everything, all I ever needed.
You struggled through life, nothing was easy for you.
You were kindness, you were thoughtful.
How can it be that you have gone?
Maybe I will have many years without you my darling. I long for the day we can be together again.
I pray for that day, until then be at peace my son xxxx
Oh Penny, so true. I feel like I’m trying to fill each day until I meet James again. Words can’t describe how losing your child feels. All that love and nurturing we poured into them and it wasn’t enough. xxxx
