Penny11,
I totally understand and share everything you have said.
It’s truly heartbreaking and I agree that it seems to get worse as time goes by but I try so hard to convince myself that my son is at last at peace and that no one can hurt him or take advantage of him anymore.
We need that for our beloved child.
Their struggles and ours are now rested and calm,we have to find solace in that.
All my love always,
Jayne xxx
I’ll message tomorrow . Thank you for your kind reply. Sending love X
Hello everybody reading all your texts.You dont want peòple to go through this loss but knowing that you all understand and get it somehow does help.Every day is bad but this week has been particularly bad.I lost my hubby 12 years ago it was his birthday New Years Eve.Our beautiful only child passed March 22 .He had addiction problems for many years that went along side what a wonderful loving caring man he was.My birthday was 2nd Jan felt very sad but rough too COVID so not been out.Prior to that 19th Dec my lovely wonderful friend died been friends since we were 11years old.Devastating.
I have wonderful siblings but they dont live around the corner.I do think now whats the point whats next.Give me my boy back even now my body goes into a bit of a shock when the thought of never seeing or hearing him again comes to mind.What we are all going through just isnt fair.My love hugs to you all. X xx
My thoughts are with you. My son died on the 17th July 2023, through metastasis bone cancer.He was 47 ,he was born with mild cerebral palsy, moderate learning disability. But he was so independent ,and the most kindest person you could meet. He died within 3 months,such a shock. He tried to fight it but it went from the bone into the bone marrow. The world is so cruel , but I have to get through this for my daughter who is handicapped as well,also for my husband. Just hope they start doing more research into the less survival cancers .like lung,pancreatic,Gastric.
I think it’s easier to share in here how things happened to our beloved children than to the outside world. My son the same, passed away through drugs.
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I have messaged you privately as we live locally I think.
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I’m sat here on my own, can’t stop crying. I feel pathetic, I’m not sure if there is any point going on. Sorry for the self pity , think im losing the plot!
You are not pathetic at all you are a Mum who is grieving for there son. I was terrible on New Years Eve morning, full of panic, crying until I was physically sick. The feeling did pass after a few hours. Deep breath, have you got anyone you can ring so they can come round to you, keep messaging on here x
Gosh Penny MJG is so right do not feel pathetic.The loss of a child is the worst thing that can ever happen to a parent.My boy will be passed 2 years in March.I have cried every day since whilst trying to carry on and live my life.It is far from easy and I know and never will be the same person again. Dont beat yourself up we totally understand.Love Marg 1
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Aw, thanks so much, your messages mean a lot. Not got anyone who can come round unfortunately. I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. My boy lived with me, just me and him against the world xxxxx
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@Penny11 It’s not self pity it’s grief. Don’t ever apologise for grieving the loss of someone you love, we are all in the same boat. We all have ups and downs, to be honest many more downs for me. I don’t think the pain will ever go and I’ve made my peace with that, I can spend whatever time I have left lost in the grief.
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Lcc59
Thank you for reaching out to me. I dont know how how to carry on to be honest.
I’m not sure how to come to peace with the grief, it’s early days though. Thanks again, look after yourself xx
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@Penny11 When I said I was at peace maybe I used the wrong word. I’ve spent 11 months waiting for the pain to ‘get better’ as everyone keeps telling me it would do when I realised it won’t get better for me. Thomas should be here with his family living his best life. I will miss my darling son forever and it will hurt like **** and I am okay with that. I can stay in this pain for my boy because a world without him is so wrong. I am aware I’m the biggest hypocrite as I urge my two other sons to move on but they are young men with many years left to live, I’ve not many years left. Take care of yourself x
Penny11 how are you feeling today, stupid thing to say I guess. I write a private journal every day which helps, makes me feel I am writing to my son, worth a try if you haven’t done that. I also never look to tomorrow, some days I have to break the day into sections, whether it’s hour by hour or minute by minute. I had massive meltdown on New Years Eve morning, but since that episode I have felt ok again, well I will never be the same since that Friday as I call it, but trying to set more targets to do. Take care and just remember you are not pathetic at all you are a Mum grieving and we all cope in different ways, my one main escape is exercise. X
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I do the same, nearly every night since Jamie died I write him a letter, it helps me as I’m still communicating with him in some way.
It’s just so hard, we’ve all lost someone so precious, the grief is all consuming. I keep trying to remember that grief is love with nowhere to go, and it hurts so much because I loved my son so much, but I feel like he’s been stolen from us.
Thinking of you all, I’m glad I found this group. xxxxx
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This site is my life line if I was honest, it’s one place where people actually understand and not judgemental
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Totally agree. I don’t think any of my friends have experienced anything like this, and it’s so hard to explain such a terrible emotion xx
MJG
Hi, still sad and tearful. I just miss him, we spent so much time together.
I wish i could sleep tonight and not wake up.
I will try the journal thing. Also, I’m going to start jogging again.
It just doesn’t seem possible that I have to spend the rest of my life without my lovely boy.
Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot xx
Hi everybody I echo all your thouĝhts.I did go out today as I have had covid not been out .Fresh air I find doesnt take my constant feeling of loss for my boy but helps me breathe a bit better.If I cry when I am out I really dont care.Marks love and knowledge of birds encourages me too to spot as many as I can when I am out.God my heart aches to see him and my hubby again.Love and hugs to you all xxxx
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Penny11, definitely worth a try doing the journal. I miss my son so much it’s crazy but I try to think he wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time. Exercise is my escape, walking, swimming most day, and just bought a treadmill. Just try a walk or jog and it will really help x
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