Yes there has been many times ive had to excuse myself and had massive breakdowns at work so i have to go and have quiet tome to pull mysrlf together i wish it was that simpke telling lily when she gets older as it was his girlfriend tbe reason why he was in his van in the first place all over a McDonald’s xxxx
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That is so hard. I don’t know how we keep going, but somehow we do. 
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I I actually have no idea myself i cant remember what i did a few days ago never mind 6 months and 2 weeks ago. All i know its a bloody struggle to get through each day and i cant make any plans and at this moment in time i just dont want to xxxx
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I’m so sorry. I do know exactly how that feels; even though James was an adult, and had his own life, as did I, we were really close and I miss him so much. I feel like my insides have been torn apart and the pain is physical as well as emotional.
I just hope that this life is not the end and I’ll see him again… I’m not religious but am thinking about attending a spiritualist church later in the year, to try and explore what they believe.
Thinking of you xxxx
Yes i feel exactly the same way and ny breakdowns i cant breathe because im in such a mess. Ive always been quite spiritual even more so now and i pray every songle day and always talk to him. Xxxx
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Just so sad that we have to be in this unthinkable place. My dad died a week after James so I’m arranging his funeral now. I think when that’s done there’ll be a massive void of nothingness ahead of me.
Look after yourself xxx
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Omg thats absolutely devastating!! Im so sorry to hear this and im always here to talk if you ever need me. I was on a nightshift last night and nearly had a breakdown as well when people say to ne you will have good days and bad i always say my last good day was the day before Aaron died i just try and find the strength to just get through each day xxx
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Oh my goodness, how heartbreaking this all is. I’ve been so tearful today, I can’t bear the thought of never seeing him for the rest of my life. I’m sending you all love and strength, hopefully we will be strong enough to survive. Im thinking of setting up a group where we could meet face to face. Would anyone find that helpful? Perhaps meet at a central location for a meal and a chat. I think our darling kids would be pleased with us doing that!!
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Hi Penny 11,
I have longed to meet up with parents in the same situation as I am but there doesn’t seem to be anything near to me.
We are the only ones that fully understand what we are going through and can truly feel our pain.
I don’t know where you live or even if you’re close geographically.
Think it’s a great idea though.
Hope you are able to sort something out.
Much love,
Jayne x
I know, it’s a logistical nightmare! I live in Gloucestershire x
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I live in uttoxeter!! Yes the only peopke that do understand are the ones that are going through it xx
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Hi ye great idea to be with parents who totally understand.I live in Merseyside so unfortunately we are all miles apart xxx
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Hi
So sorry, been in a bit of a state over the last couple of days. Thank you for your really kind offer- it would be good to talk.
I think I need to get past tomorrow, as I’m dreading going back to the same place we held James’s funeral, something I hadn’t thought of when we arranged the services.
Take care of yourself too xxx
That’s such a good idea, although we are far flung aren’t we. But at least we can support each other on here - and I’ve definitely found this forum a safe place to express myself- I just can’t tell my closest friends and family just how totally desolate my life feels now.
Sending love xxx
I would realky have loved sonething like that as everyone that was there for me at first have all gone now and i do need to talk about my son because i love him so much xxx
Oh its so very true.This feeling we all have is so difficult to express to those who have not been through it so as time passes we keep it within ourselves
The forum is a blessing xxxx
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I think talking face to face with others who are experiencing the same grief would be really beneficial but I’m way down in Bournemouth.
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I’m in Cornwall. But would happily travel to a place we could all meet X
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Yes i think i would love that as well. Ad soon as i start talking about aaron people just change the subject and just dont want to know as its not happened to them. I dont think any single onr of us would have ever tbought that we would be in this situation. I love talking about my son hes the apple of my eye and peoole have said you need to let him go and move forward!!! I get that cross and angry and have to stop myself ftom giving them a mouthful xxxx
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This is my story of how aaron ended up in the back of his van where he died.ill make it brief so everyone can understand the amount of trauma that im experiencing. He was mentality and emotionally abused by 2 women in his life for the last 5 yearrs.it started by not having contact with his son leo who he desperately wanted to see he did see him but it always ended up in so much drama that sometimes he wasent allowed. Tbat started his mental health off. The second one who he was with for 11 months literally accused him of sleeping around controlled him and he wasent allowed to do anything and she fell pregnant straightaway with his daughter that he will nevet see.an argument broke out over a McDonald’s as he got his own son one but not hers. She kicked him out and he was sleeping in the back of his van .none of this i knew at all. Aaron smoked rollups but he obviously bought himself a packet of fags which he didnt put out properly and thats how the fire stared. The coroner accidentally sent me pictures of him in the back of his van which will traumatise me for the rest of my life xxxx
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