Struggling without my husband

My husband passed away 4 weeks ago, only 4 days before his 60th birthday. I knew I would lose him at some time due to his diagnosis. However I wasn’t ready for it to be so soon. He got pneumonia and just had nothing left to fight with. I am beyond devastated and completely heartbroken. He was my whole world we did everything together apart from work, and then we were always texting. So I am now completely lost. I have been to my GP this morning and he just gave me a link for CRUSE, and made a telephone appointment with the mental health nurse for tomorrow. Ive also looked for local bereavement support groups but there arent any where I live.
I do have a son who lives with his fiance about 30 miles away, but I dont want to keep bothering them they have their own lives and work. My husband that has died isnt my sons Father. I also have a few friends that were friends to both of us, but theyre all couples and also have busy lives etc. so I feel very sad and alone.

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Sorry for your loss. Its really early days for you . It takes a long time to sink in, so much to sort out. my head was all over the place. I had counselling but i had to wait months and didnt really get much out of it (dont know really what i was expecting). Hope it helps you , just take each day as it comes its so hard when you loss your soulmate . So many plans gone and our life will never be the same again.

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Mousey like yourself i have also rang cruise. I lost my husband 22 says ago, i have few friends and my daughter as a young daughter ofc3 so i am very much alone. I really dont know how much longer i can cope with this intense pain and llonilness. Xxxx

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Hi @Mousey . Welcome to the group, where we all have been where you are, and all remember the terrible first few weeks.
All we can do is hang on as best we can, often by our fingertips.
You might not believe it, but it’s true, but things do ease over the next few weeks and months and the next chapter of your life will start to evolve. Four weeks is too soon to see it, though. Try to be confident

It’s great you are already looking for help from your GP and support groups. Don’t overlook the support available from the Ryder team.

But if you just need to chat and get support from those of us on here, please just post away with your thoughts, fears and feelings. Many are in the same space as you, some of us have battled through and have rediscovered a new, good, life.

And yes, your life will never be the same (obviously) but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a worthwhile one.

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Mousey, my heart goes out to you. My husband died seven weeks ago and like you we did everything together. It was a good thing to be inside our own bubble. That loneliness is hard to handle and I understand how you are reaching out for help. I did book a bereavement counseling appointment and the day before decided to cancel. I just couldn’t imagine talking to someone I don’t know about such a loss. I wish I could say more but it’s better to give you the support of knowing you are not alone on this painful journey. Express yourself. We are here.

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I hope it will become easier in time, and know what Im feeling is all part of the grieving process. I just find it very daunting that I have to live my life alone now without him by my side :cry:

I know that feeling the fear of the future. Heres hoping they are right when they say its time. Xxxx

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I hope you can find the strength to get through your grief, as Im trying my best too. Its not easy by any means, I’m not good at being alone, but I know that my husband wouldn’t want me to be miserable and depressed and not make a new life for myself. I think its going to a long time to feel like I can, but I’m going to try my best to for him.

Aw bless you its just the worst thing to lose your soul mate isnt it? I know we all have to go at sometime, but its so difficult for those left behind especially when our loved ones were good, kind souls. Im so grateful for the 11 and a half years I got to have with Dave, I just wish it could of been longer.

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Thank you for the support, I am trying my best to seek support, be positive and continue going forward, its just so bloody hard. I’ll wait and see what the phone call tomorrow brings, hopefully they can offer something positive to help me through this.

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Likevyou say its so bloody hard i would have been married 16 years on the 2nd of August. Life is so cruel. I thought we had more time. The lonilness is a killer. I hope you do get the help you need. I have a phone call with cruise in 2 weeks time. I really dont know what they can offer but i am hoping for some help. Xxx

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Lost my husband 12 weeks ago to sudden heart attack he was 65 I am 56 , he was my 3rd husband after two previous abusive marriages he showed me the meaning of unconditional love together 24 years and only got married 17 months ago when we eloped to Gretna Green , I feel totally robbed those first 4 weeks the worse totally numb ! We didn’t need anyone else just each other now he has gone , I totally get where your coming from , I got more from chatting on this site with people who are all going through the same thing x

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Hi, I lost my partner and soulmate of 20 years 6 days ago and I can understand the utter sense of loss and quite frankly horror of losing your partner. It’s like a nightmare that you want to wake up from. I switch between numbness and floods of tears on a dime and wonder how the hell I am going to navigate this life changing loss. I do know that only time can soften the blow and am going to take just one day at a time if I can and concentrate on getting through that day; not thinking about all the others to come. Please don’t feel alone and post your feelings on here if you feel able and I will try to help you

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Oh wow you are so strong 6 days in and you sound so much stronger then me. I lost my husbsnd 22 days ago and i am realky struggling of making sense of anything. Xxxx

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Oh bless you. I had an abusive marriage to my sons Dad, wasted 26 years with him, met Dave and he was the most gentle kind soul, totally selfless just wanted everyone around him to be happy. 11 and a half years wasnt long enough and I also feel robbed of my happiness. We got married last year after his diagnosis, as again thinking of others first, he wanted to be sure I’d be ok when this time came. Life is so unfair.

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Ah I know exactly how you feel, the pain in your heart is unreal isn’t it? Your a very thoughtful person to be offering help to others when your loss is so recent. Take care and stay strong your husband wouldn’t want you to be sad all the time.

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Yep my abusive second husband is my sons Dad ! He was found dead in his flat in January ! (Let’s say it was a relief ) ! But for my son he had to organise his funeral he said he wasn’t upset then 3 months later my lovely husband dies ! And then my son was upset ! Why can life be so shitty and unfair ! X

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I cant answervthat as i feel the same. I do hope we all find peace . Xxx

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Time does make a difference ! Im 18 months into this !!! You don’t fret as much but its still crap ! I hate not having a husband :(. I miss it so much. I have a male friend which is a bliming relief but still i miss the cuddles so much … a little kiss on the cheek, holding hands :frowning: Xx

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Mousey, I lost my darling David 8 weeks ago so I am twice as far on as you, I know how you are feeling, it is indescribable the pain, the disbelief, the anger, the heartache, the utter hopelessness that feeling of despair , wishing you could go back in time, the heavy feeling in your throat, chest and stomach that hangs there all your waking hours. It is truly dreadful but we have all had to go through it. You must cry and cry whenever you need to, scream, yell, moan, it all helps to heal you and day by day, hour by hour , minute by minute we do start to feel a bit better, we start to inch our way out in to life again. You will start to understand your grief and let yourself feel it . The thing is you feel the pain of grief because you love your husband and you will never stop loving your husband, you will gradually learn to build a life around your grief and things will get easier, but for now we have to endure and accept the huge and terrible thing has happened to us and go with it, don’t hold back you are not just grieving for your wonderful husbands death you are grieving for your loss and the loss of your future which was horribly snatched away and it will take however long it takes you to get over the awful shock and then you can start to rebuild. Right now you think you truly believe it is not possible to cope with what you are going through but there are millions of widows and widowers in this world and we do survive. Please message whenever you need to someone will be around to reply. Hope this helps you, sending hugs and love to you.

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