But focus on the sadness you feel, and then ask yourself why you feel so sad.
You feel such pain and sadness purely because of the love you had for your husband. And how wonderful is that.
How amazing is it that you loved your husband so much that you hurt so much now he has passed. That is so beautiful to know.
Imagine what it would say to you and the world if you didn’t feel the pain and sadness.
Embrace the love you shared and it will help you through, when you feel the pain and sadness, remember, it’s only there because of how much you loved your husband.
You are so right in everything you say.
I feel as though I am not part of the ‘married club’ anymore and really wonder some times whether they think I am contagious. I find that younger people seem much better at communicating with me than those nearer to my own age. Maybe a fear of facing up to the fact that none of us live forever.
Some days I feel very guilty when I resent hearing friends moaning and groaning about their spouse. I would give anything for just 5 minutes with my wonderful husband. We were married 25 years ago this week, both having lost our first spouse when we were young, so I suppose we really appreciated one another having lived through the indescribable pain of loss.
Take care of yourself .
yes, that is true. we loved each other so much. My hubby kept on telling their family what amazing 22 years marriage with me and still very happy. His family thanked me for giving him such a wonderful marriage lift in the past 22 years after his passing. My feeling is up and down dring the days, sometimes I feel I must be carrying on and keep on doing what makes my hubby happy, sometimes I feel so hopeless so dark and I am not going anywhere. …
I have the same feeling as you. I even struggle to call me ‘Ms’ ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’. I want to still be ‘Mrs’, but I am alone. If I call myself ’ Ms’ or ‘Miss’, I feel I am not with my hubby anymore, but we never apart! that is unbearable. I still say ‘we’, such as ‘we live in …’, ‘Our address is …’, I cannot bear only say ‘I’… I feel I am a con…a fake… Oh, it is so difficult!
The first thing I always ask people who are struggling to deal with their grief, is, what does grief look like to you?
I get many various answers, some say it’s like the grim reaper following them with his shelf, others feel like they are at the bottom of a dark well, they can see the light at the top, they can see and hear people walking by, but they can’t reach out to them. Others say it’s like a dark cloud that follows them everywhere.
What I always say is, grief is purely love with nowhere to go. It builds up inside of us. Like a volcano it’s rumbling away.
But we can still give that love to those who have passed, we have to learn to do it in a different way. Talk to them, tell them you love them, talk to others about your love for them, when it rains, blame them for making it rain, when you miss the bus or the car won’t start, blame them and smile.
You will soon find that you have the connection with them again, just in a very different way.
Hi Marnie10
I have people say that all the time to me. How strong i am. I say the same as you. I am just trying to get through every day, and they don’t see how you often fall apart when you are on your own. It’s not strength, it’s survival.
It has been 4 months for me since i lost my lovely wife Jacquie. Today, while going through some of her things, i cried all over again. She didn’t deserve it, and i don’t think i deserve to be left with this pain, but i have to try and move on, as do we all.
The heaviness i feel, especially when on my own, is suffocating, but i will get there eventually.
Best of luck with your journey.
Hi John
That is really positive that you have booked a holiday. Definitely something to look forward to.
I’m going away not to far with my sons who have been very supportive. Even though I put on a brave face, the pain is always with me, but I will enjoy my time with them. One thing for sure we loved our partners and will always miss them.
Have a wonderful holiday and enjoy your cooking!
I’m sorry for your loss @Susan15. My husband died 24th March and I fully understand your pain. I really don’t want to exist without him but I have a 13 year old son and need to carry on.
When people say “you’re strong” I’m not sure they understand the level of pain we’re in. You and I are both early on in our loss and I don’t know how things will change but just know that you are not alone. Warmest of hugs to you.
We all get those John. I have had a weepy last couple of weeks to be honest.
Too many painful dates at the moment. I am trying to move on but can’t currently.
Telling people how hard this is, doesn’t even touch the surface of the pain i feel.
Good luck with your move. I hopeit goes well for you.
I hope the move goes well. Never easy doing things on your own.
If you are moving home you are leaving lots of memories behind.
We take the memories of our loved ones with us wherever we are each day. We all have days and weeks when we seem to be always crying.
I think it’s the only way we can release some of our grieving pain.
Take care of yourself.
I saw somewhere " You cannot change the past, But you can change the way you think about it. " i think that is how we learn to manage the grief a little better.
