You are so right in everything you say.
I feel as though I am not part of the ‘married club’ anymore and really wonder some times whether they think I am contagious. I find that younger people seem much better at communicating with me than those nearer to my own age. Maybe a fear of facing up to the fact that none of us live forever.
Some days I feel very guilty when I resent hearing friends moaning and groaning about their spouse. I would give anything for just 5 minutes with my wonderful husband. We were married 25 years ago this week, both having lost our first spouse when we were young, so I suppose we really appreciated one another having lived through the indescribable pain of loss.
Take care of yourself .
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yes, that is true. we loved each other so much. My hubby kept on telling their family what amazing 22 years marriage with me and still very happy. His family thanked me for giving him such a wonderful marriage lift in the past 22 years after his passing. My feeling is up and down dring the days, sometimes I feel I must be carrying on and keep on doing what makes my hubby happy, sometimes I feel so hopeless so dark and I am not going anywhere. …
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I have the same feeling as you. I even struggle to call me ‘Ms’ ‘Mrs’ or ‘Miss’. I want to still be ‘Mrs’, but I am alone. If I call myself ’ Ms’ or ‘Miss’, I feel I am not with my hubby anymore, but we never apart! that is unbearable. I still say ‘we’, such as ‘we live in …’, ‘Our address is …’, I cannot bear only say ‘I’… I feel I am a con…a fake… Oh, it is so difficult!
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The first thing I always ask people who are struggling to deal with their grief, is, what does grief look like to you?
I get many various answers, some say it’s like the grim reaper following them with his shelf, others feel like they are at the bottom of a dark well, they can see the light at the top, they can see and hear people walking by, but they can’t reach out to them. Others say it’s like a dark cloud that follows them everywhere.
What I always say is, grief is purely love with nowhere to go. It builds up inside of us. Like a volcano it’s rumbling away.
But we can still give that love to those who have passed, we have to learn to do it in a different way. Talk to them, tell them you love them, talk to others about your love for them, when it rains, blame them for making it rain, when you miss the bus or the car won’t start, blame them and smile.
You will soon find that you have the connection with them again, just in a very different way.
God bless you x
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You are perfectly ok to call yourself Mrs after loss of a husband.
Use whatever terms you want to. I still refer to ‘we’ or ‘our’ when talking about the house.
Jackie was and still is part of my life. She will always be until I join her and be together again. 
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Hi Marnie10
I have people say that all the time to me. How strong i am. I say the same as you. I am just trying to get through every day, and they don’t see how you often fall apart when you are on your own. It’s not strength, it’s survival.
It has been 4 months for me since i lost my lovely wife Jacquie. Today, while going through some of her things, i cried all over again. She didn’t deserve it, and i don’t think i deserve to be left with this pain, but i have to try and move on, as do we all.
The heaviness i feel, especially when on my own, is suffocating, but i will get there eventually.
Best of luck with your journey.
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Hi John
That is really positive that you have booked a holiday. Definitely something to look forward to.
I’m going away not to far with my sons who have been very supportive. Even though I put on a brave face, the pain is always with me, but I will enjoy my time with them. One thing for sure we loved our partners and will always miss them.
Have a wonderful holiday and enjoy your cooking!
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I’m sorry for your loss @Susan15. My husband died 24th March and I fully understand your pain. I really don’t want to exist without him but I have a 13 year old son and need to carry on.
When people say “you’re strong” I’m not sure they understand the level of pain we’re in. You and I are both early on in our loss and I don’t know how things will change but just know that you are not alone. Warmest of hugs to you.
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Thanks Julia. Having a weepy day today as I’ve packing away stuff ready for when I move. 
It’s so lonely as well 
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We all get those John. I have had a weepy last couple of weeks to be honest.
Too many painful dates at the moment. I am trying to move on but can’t currently.
Telling people how hard this is, doesn’t even touch the surface of the pain i feel.
Good luck with your move. I hopeit goes well for you.
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I hope the move goes well. Never easy doing things on your own.
If you are moving home you are leaving lots of memories behind.
We take the memories of our loved ones with us wherever we are each day. We all have days and weeks when we seem to be always crying.
I think it’s the only way we can release some of our grieving pain.
Take care of yourself.
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I saw somewhere " You cannot change the past, But you can change the way you think about it. " i think that is how we learn to manage the grief a little better.
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A friend sent me this link to a Willie Nelson video.
So true
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That’s very recent. It is only normal for you to still be devastated. I lost my love 5 months ago and had a really tough day today. I have been told that it gets better over time, but yes it is very lonely. Try to find activities or distractions when you can. Try not to isolate if you can. You may need to go out of your comfort zone and join a club maybe? Just some ideas off the top of my head.
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I understand how you’re feeling believe it or not. You can be as emotionally strong as 10 bulls but it won’t matter. Look at everyone on here. Your constant sobbing is normal - it’s a testament to how much you loved her. It’s still very recent for you. I have been told it gets better over time and I do cry less often now (although I still cry and sometimes it just comes on). The only advice I can offer you is do NOT isolate. If you want any chance to feel better on occasion, you will need some kind of distraction. Yes, this is a living hell, but over time it supposedly will feel a little less like hell and again, distractions at least relieve the pain for a while.
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Thanks. I am trying to keep busy, especially with the house! Trying to get ready to move back to 
I’m also having a little break in June.
The most painful times are just after a family visit. As soon as their cars disappear down the road, the floodgates open. I keep thinking of how my wife would have loved the day.
Just had the first cry of today.
Hi, Just had my first cry of the day. I dont sleep well and that doesn’t help.
It is always good when you spend time with your family, even though someone is always missing.
Its when they leave the pain and sadness clicks in.
2 of my sons live in London, after a visit I take them back to the train station and then cry all the way home.
After my dad died some years ago my mum was always anxious when I left her.
I now understand because now I have that
feeling when anyone leaves.
Sadly she has passed.
I miss my late husband Keith. Love hurts, but I am grateful for the 48 years of love we had together.
Hope your Sunday gets better.
Take care
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Thanks Julia. In a strange way, it’s comforting to know others experience similar thoughts.
In the last few weeks, I’ve thought back to the 80s when my dad died. My mum had passed 18 months earlier and he went on a downward slope, crying and not looking after himself. I was in the RAF at the time, so lived a long way away from him. Sadly he resorted to drink and soon joined my mum.
It’s only now that I understand what he went through.
Grief really is the price we pay for love.
You take care
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I agree about the distractions. They help for a while. It is coming back to an empty house that I find so very hard. I put the radio on . Roger is everywhere but obviously I can’t reach out and touch him. I miss the hugs and the laughs so much
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Very well said: grief is the price we pay for love. The greater the love the bigger the grief.
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