It has been almost 9 months since my wife passed away and I’m struggling to see through this fog I feel like I’m trapped in.
I first met Sue back in 1981 on our first day in year 1 senior school aged 11. Started dating at 15, married at 25 and had had 41 great years together. Sue was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in January 2025. At the time of diagnosis, we were told that her treatment was palliative, she endured the chemo for several months but sadly passed away 1 week before Xmas 2025.
I wake every morning feeling sad and fed up, I’m dreading the future without her.
I worried all last year about losing Sue and now I’m living in this daily hell with no apparent way out. Not that I want to forget her, not at all, I will always love her, but I wonder if this will become easier to deal with as I doubt if I have the strength to live and feel like this every day.
Hi Lee I am sorry to hear about your wife. I am not sure whether things will improve as it’s almost nine months for me too. The pain has reduced for me but the feeling of emptiness is always present. For me my wife was what made life worth living so now it is surviving I spent most of my life becoming one with my wife who I met at eighteen. My wife died on Christmas day after two years of cancer treatments. We were married for almost 40 years. I have found this site to be very helpful as everyone is very supportive and they all understand the pain of bereavement. I hope you find some solace here
Wishing you all the best Tom
Hi Lee, im so sorry for the loss of your wife, I lost my husband in March, he had been sick but totally unexpected when he passed away..i have 2 adult children and 2 grandkids, they are the ones that keep me going, but even then I still feel so lonely without my husband..when you’ve shared your life with someone for so long, and then to be left alone is so heartbreaking ,..take care of yourself and may God strengthen and comfort you
Thanks for the response, seems like we have similar circumstances.
I listen to and read what I can on grief, seen a counsellor too, been the doctors but nothing helps. When I’m with my 3 sons I feel lonely, I find excuses not to see friends (I know that is bad and eventually they’ll probably give up on me), I don’t expect nor do I want to be pain free but it all lately is becoming so overwhelming. I keep asking myself what the hell has happened here, how can life go from being so good to being so s**t.
Hi Lee I live alone and I don’t have friends so I don’t have those problems. I can imagine having three sons will bring you reasons to live in the future and maybe grandchildren.
My way of surviving this has been doing exercise which helps as it tires you which helps with sleep but exercise is also good for mental health releasing endorphins etc.
I hope you find ways of surviving this and reaching a place where are memories bring pleasure without the pain of what is missing
Wishing you all the best Tom
Sorry to hear about your loss, I can relate so much to your words on feeling lonely. Its so hard without your loved one everyday.
Sue and I would always watch on Xmas Eve “Its a Wonderful life”, and I tell myself this and for a brief moment or two I’ll remember a good time that we shared but then it all comes crashing down.
Reading your reply and the others in this thread makes me realise how many people are going from the same emotions and day to day struggles, your words in your introduction are beautiful. Look after yourself Joe.
Oh wow, you have certainly hit the nail on the head there regarding mornings, for me, I question the whole meaning of life and how utterly pointless it all feels every time I wake up, you offer such kind words - thank you.
Hi Lee, I take on board what you say about living in a daily hell. My late partner’s 1st anniversary is approaching and I feel I’ve regressed several months. I think that some people are just destined to grieve for a long time. I hope you have some family support at this time. I’m sure you’ve already had days where you’ve just screamed and felt like banging your head off the wall, I know I ve had those days.
Many people on the site have expressed those feelings and it’s comforting to know that you’re not alone. Keep posting on the site especially when the dark times really kick in. Take care.
I felt so purposeless at first, somehow you don’t realize how much of who you are and why you do it, is wrapped up in the other person.
Some have always had their “own thing” as well. I have gardening and photography, hobbies that never interested my loves, but still, so many gaps to fill.
I think perhaps make your purpose yourself, and your survival, and if you have the bandwidth, try to help others.
It helps to be able to come here and see that you are not alone Cindy
Thanks Tom just wish for a half normal day, just don’t feel like doing anything but cry, but hopefully it will get better this afternoon it usually does x
Hi Jean I really feel for you going through all the suffering and not being able to go for walks must make it so difficult.
Sending you hugs and strength
Wishing you all the best Tom
Reading everyone’s comments on this thread makes me realise I’m not alone on this journey, and its heart warming looking at the interactions between some many people who, regrettably, have been dealt such a cruel card in life.
Sending my best wishes to everybody out there who is struggling / suffering.
@Jeanclaire Good day Jean! Anxiety is a given most mornings, anxiety and sadness as we begin to navigate another day in our new reality. I hope the anxiety has lifted by now. I’m working on mine! Cindy
Dear Brandon 1, always love your positivity, my dear husband died 6 years ago and I miss him every day. So much has happened since he died, with my 51 year old son fighting kidney cancer, and he has two little girls one aged 10 years and one aged 6 years. He is so ill and his partner Racheal is worried how she will manage without him I am devastated too. Someone crashed into my car which was a right off did not get much of a pay out from my car insurance even though it had just passed its MOT etc, so I have had to take a lot of my savings to get another car as I live up a lane quite a long way from bus services, so I am feeling a bit blue !!! Life can be hard without my husband sorting things but onwards and upwards love to every one on here, we are all fighting hard things sink or swim!!! much love again from CAZ 3J
Dear Caz I am so sorry about your son, it’s so horrible to see your loved ones fighting cancer and having young children what a tragedy. You must have a lot of strength to fight through all this suffering. I can imagine these problems with the car etc just bring you to your knees when you have enough on your plate without having to be dealing with anything else
Thinking of you and sending hugs and strength
Wishing you all the best Tom
,..take care of yourself and may God strengthen and comfort you 
it usually does x