Struggling

Really struggling today think it’s starting a new year without my beloved husband. Grieving for the life we had and the life we still had to come. Lost my mum 3 weeks before my husband after looking after her for years and we thought now was our time but it wasn’t to be. He did so much for everyone, was so helpful and the nicest, funniest, smartest man you could ever wish to meet. We were only married 10 years after having been with other partners we were lucky enough to find each other and now he’s gone. My family and friends are amazing support but I just want him back. I have a little Yorkie who is my reason for getting up in the morning or I wouldn’t bother. I try to set myself daily goals and have started driving again after 30 years! He was 67 and only retired for 2 years, we thought we would have years together. Some days I can cope but others I cry non stop and just want to be with him. I don’t think I will ever get over this I know they say it gets more bearable but I don’t think it ever will.

hi mrscolt
so sorry for your loss,i wish I could say ive found a way to ease the pain we whove lost our loving partners are going through.i myself had health issues over the years.Jayne never seemed to get ill and if she was she was soon fit and well very quickly.id expected be the first to go never in my wildest dreams did I envisage losing the love of my life.cant say im coping ,yes im here and existing day by day.i had to move from the home I shared with Jayne for 20 years,expected a little support and comfort from Jaynes family.sadly they gave me anything but.im here now because my best friend lover and soulmate,had a expression of wish,id never heard of it ,its not something we ever talked about,but after having filled loads of forms in ,it turned out over the last how ever many years Jayne had always put me as beneficiary so even now Jayne is looking after me.id give anything to be with Jayne.im lying here now typing with tears running down my face just wishing I could turn the clock back and go instead of Jayne,or have gone with her at the same time.im living my life as if Jayne is with me in spirit,some of the things thats happened and the way ive stayed calm and relaxed even though ive had real nasty situations caused by Jaynes family trying make me feel worse than I do.i believe Jaynes influences on my life as helped and this feeling that Jayne is watching over me is so strong that im managing to still be here,im hoping lose a few pounds and do a sky dive in Jaynes name and memory,ive already set up a direct debit paying a small amount to the PDSA every month as this was a charity close to Jaynes heart.ive already put aside the costs involved in the sky dive so anything I can get from being sponsored will be divided in 2 and given to the PDSA and the east Cheshire hospice in my partners Jaynes memory.and like you I cry every day and get emotional through each and every day.
I hope you find ways to cope and live the way that makes things best for you
kind regards
ian

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Hi Ian, so sorry that you too have lost the love of your life. Colin was the same and was never Ill that’s why his death was such a shock like you I could never imagine him going first. His Dad was 87 when he passed so I always thought Colin would be the same. It’s a shame Jaynes family have not been supportive to you Colin’s 2 daughters have been the same since his passing. They were always selfish and that has continued to the point I told them I don’t need the added pressure and to bugger off and don’t contact me again. Good luck with your sky dive it will give you a focus while helping others and Jayne would be so proud of you :+1: I hope we can both get through today as best we can and if it takes a few tears then so what eh :wink:
Vanda

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Mrs Colt - Vanda…
…reading your post i feel our similarities…My Richard age 74, he would be 75 in 13 days time if he was still here with me, sadly he is not…he too was never ill, i used to rib him that nothing ever happened to him, well just before Christmas of 2018 nothing had but everything took place so suddenly, invasive tests after tests, then the biggy one hit us, told he was to be needing open heart surgery to correct a valve but had to deal with his anaemia first so it never materialised…I found him dead sitting in his armchair after driving our cocker spaniel to the pet groomer, a half hour car journey with the intention of driving back to collect him, he never did…
I too always saw myself as going first, even before my PP-MS diagnoses of 11th April 2015 at the age of 64, i am 68, my Richard died on 11th April 2019 just four years apart from my MS diagnoses…
Yes i too am grieving the loss of the life we had and the ten or so years we should at least still be having, our hard earnt retirement years…My Richard always had the notion of he would live into his 100’s, as his only sister is nine years older than he at 83…
We had met 20 years ago, we had met in later life…I cry when i think of our life of Richard and our three dogs, plus the house and its lovely garden with field to its back with cows in that foolishly ( Richard did not want to leave it) we - i gave up, ( bad mistake on my part, if i had known then what i know now,) due to needing a ground floor due to my late in life Multiple Sclerosis diagnoses otherwise i -we would never have left our home in Bedfordshire, why oh why did i choose to move so far away to here in Dorset, i dont belong here, bad choice on my part, nor should i have taken him away from his life, his family, now his ashes are back home, back home is where he-we belong, he is now with his parents and his brother…

Jackie…sending a (( hug )) to you…

Oh Jackie what a terrible time you have had I don’t know how we are coping but we are. The shock of finding Richard in his armchair must have been devastating for you. Colin was in hospital to get an MRI scan when he took a massive heart attack and I got a phone call to say they had tried for 37 mins to bring him back but it was not to be. Do you still have your dog’s? I find it helps having a fur baby that relies on me. Can you not move back to Bedfordshire? It seems you were happiest there but you need to look after yourself and your own health issues don’t help the situation either.
I hope you can get through the day with some peace and comfort knowing how much you were loved
V xx

thank you Vanda.
for your kind words and thoughts
very much appreciated,
sorry that Colins daughters were of no help
and I agree you’ve done the right thing got look after you now
thats what matters not them.
regards ian

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Vanda…
…sadly we lost dog number three within 7 months of moving here, and yes i would love another dog-dogs in my life but, i do now have MS so cant get out and about to walk a dog due to my now isolated down in the valleys location of uphill and downhill steep slopes…Yes my parkhome is now on the for sale market but without a car i cant go to view properties ( 140 plus miles away, four Motorways including Heathrow ) now i have to place this in the hands of my daughter age 50 and her driving partner, when he is not working, or my grandson 31 both back home in separate locations in Hertfordshire, this is where i originally come from before moving with Richard to start up our forever home in Bedfordshire, he was originally from Bedfordshire…
I still do believe, hand on heart that everything will work out as it should be…although i can not understand why did God take my Richard away, what did he do to deserve this, he was a good man, well nothing, so why punish and take him, why not take me…

Ian…
… my sentiments exactly, look after number one, YOU now, as in this harsh world, no one else will…it is called " the art of survival…"

Jackie…

I ask why Colin was taken as well, he didn’t deserve it and never expected to go. The last words he said to me were ‘Don’t worry love I am going nowhere, I will be here for a long time yet’ next day he was gone :sob:
It’s good you have faith that everything will work out for you and I am sure it will. At least you have a daughter and grandson to help and maybe one day once you are settled you could get a wee old rescue dog who does not need much walking and you can be a comfort to eachother
V x

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Condolences understand where your coming from, we lost our eldest daughter then 4 months later my wife passed, we did have a dog he wasn’t well so lost him Xmas, they say gets easier I don’t think so, hope you have family support.

Mickyboy, what an awful time you have had :cry: you start to question why this has happened and what have you done to deserve it. My Mum died 3 weeks before my husband. Dad had to go into a care home earlier last year as his dementia was getting unmanageable at home. Every day things would happen and you would say ‘well it can’t get any worse’ then it always did. But nothing can be any worse than losing the people who matter the most to you. I am lucky I have a great family and friends but it’s not the same is it :cry: I don’t know how we will get through this, every day is a challenge and some worse than others. Chatting with people on here who are going through the same has been a help to me and make me count my blessings hopefully you will find it to be of some comfort also.
V xx

Thanks for that, I’m going to see a therapist Friday as I need help with this, or I will slowly go insane , our children are not supposed to go before us, as she leaves 2 teenagers behind, one is already on antidepressants, and smoking a lot of weed, and drinking, his father moved them from London where all his friends were to a rural area where he doesn’t now anybody and started work, so isolating for him,

Mickeyboy,
Multiple losses are unbearable, the ones who you’d normally turn to for comfort and support are no longer there. So very, very painful for you. Losing your little dog as well is so cruel at a time when their unconditional love can really help bring some comfort.
When this happened to me I felt as if I was being punished again and again for something I hadn’t done…
I hope your memories of your loved ones will help you at this awful time. Sadme

Sadme, that’s how I feel. I must have done some terrible things in my life to be punished in such a way :cry: I was never as glad to see the back of 2019 but unfortunately so far this new year is no better.
V x

I’m so sorry things are very bad for you. Time doesn’t always help.unfortunately as I have found.
I’m sure you have done nothing to deserve such sadness and grief in your life.
Wishing you well at this horrible time in your life.Sadme

Mrs Colt…
…that is exactly how i feel " i must have done some bad things in my life otherwise why would God take my Richard away from me…" why not punish me and not him, well ok i am being punished but God still didn’t need to take Richards life to punish me, he done nothing wrong, he ( Richard ) did not deserve his life to be taken…

Jackie…

I feel so sorry and helpless after I have read your posts, everyone. I wish I could make it right for all of us.
Love
Mary x x

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You don’t know how reading your posts have helped me Mary. Your advice is invaluable, your compassion towards others on here is so uplifting even though you are going through a tough time yourself you are always there for others. You never judge and are so sensitive to what we are all going through. Just wanted to say thank you for being there when I am struggling.
V xx

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Hi Mickyboy. To be honest I don’t know quite what to say. Your losses are beyond understanding of how you cope. I will be thinking of you and hope that one day you will find some acceptance. Never forgetting but learning to live with your losses.
Please don’t think that you are losing your mind or going mad, we have all thought this at times. Don’t be afraid to grieve. Men don’t think they should cry but the tears do help.
I do hope the therapist can help you through this. All your family are hurting and I hope you will be able to pull together and offer each other support.
Stay with the Forum as we all understand and on bad days someone will be able to offer a helping hand.
I will be thinking about you and your family.
xxxx

Struggling too every second. Lost mum suddenly the week before christmas and i was her sole carer. How its possible to go on i dont understand. Sleep is my only refuge from the constant pain and i hate waking. Im sorry this is so negative i just see myself as useless now and to blame i didnt save mum.

Thanks for all your help, trying my best to get through the days and nights, gp put me on antidepressants all that has done really is numb the pain, a bit still having horrible thoughts,
S

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