My husband suddenly passed away 3 months ago , I didn’t get to say goodbye properly. Every day is getting worse I can’t stop crying and just want to be with him, I have a lovely family bu don’t like them seeing me so upset, its so hard I don’t know how I’m going to get through this
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My husband also died three months ago and it helps knowing I am not only one journeying at the same time
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Because I didn’t say goodbye I write letters trying to do so
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My husband also died 3 months ago suddenly, and i can honestly say im getting worse, but i think it’s the realisation of everything. But i do get alot of comfort knowing my husband is always with me and knows exactly what im going through and is right by my side 
good luck on this horrendously shit journey and we will make it 
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Thank you Amanda, I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re struggling too. Hopefully time will help us both x
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I lost my husband and soulmate very suddenly 7 weeks ago today and I feel so lost and alone without him. Like you I’ve got a good family around me, but all I want is to be with Steve. When I go to bed I just think it’s one more day closer to being with him. I’ve spoken to my GP and she thinks I could have PTSD as I was with him when he collapsed and I keep reliving it every time I close my eyes.
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Sending love to all of you. It is so hard even believing that they are gone and once that reality starts to kick in I think we tend to get worse rather than better but it IS the first step which has to be taken. Realising that this is real, no matter how painful, has to be faced. My heart goes out to all of you.
I was spared the sight of my darling husband’s resuscitation attempts as he was not at home. He went out and never came home, which has a different pain as I was not with him. Each situation we find ourselves in has its own particular painful aspect but I try and look at the things we were saved from instead.
The ‘what ifs’ are the next battle I had to face but mostly I don’t let them haunt me. As someone here said her husband used to say (sorry, I can’t remember who at the moment - bad with names) ‘It is what it is.’
Hugs to all xxx
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Yes i feel that also i go to bed every night and hope i dont wake up and then wake up and my first thought is omg ive got to do another day when i try explain to people its not that i want to hurt myself its just i dont want to be here there is no point in anything anymore,
i just tell myself hundreds of times a day what would i be saying to somebody else if it was them and not me and im sure that would be things will
Change and there will be some light in the world again but its just really hard to imagine that now, but i cling to it and hope i start to feel even a little bit better soon 
sending hugs
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Ann19 I feel so sorry for you, I was with my husband when he collapsed and died instantly when I put him to bed, the image haunts me every time I close my eyes and his last walk down the hall to the bedroom. I try to picture him before that happened but its just so hard x
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Every time I close my eyes, I can see him collapse and his eyes rolling. I can’t get the image out of my head. It’s so hard. My GP thinks I might have PTSD as I’m having these flashbacks so much.
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Hey jane, firstly a big hug to you. I am sorry that it is all so overwhelming. You’ve done a brave step getting on here. It helps so please, whatever you would like to say and share please do. We are all here to listen, read and be with you. I lost my dad in November - it’s blooming awful. very surreal. The kind words I have had from people here help. I still hurt…but I don’t hurt on my own. Even with wonderful people around you grief can be isolating as it is so personal. I have wonderful people around me…and yup…i can feel really isolated.
So please know we are here with you
sending love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I lost my wife in January and I feel so lost.
Everyday just feels like an ordeal to get through.
I have a lot of family around me that are a great
support but it doesn’t stop me feeling lonely.
Even just doing simple everyday things on my own now is just horrible.
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@Syncrog60 yes it takes huge effort to exist when you loose your best friend, wife, soulmate. The loneliness is hard to comprehend when they have been your existence for living. I am plodding on with lots of plates to spin full house restoration, returning to job, looking after my daughter emotional support as well as getting rest bites when iam with my grandaughter. The absence of linda who has been by my side since i was 15 years old i do struggle daily but it is going to take time for me to get use to not being a couple but a widow. keep safe my friend.
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My husband was in ICU twice and he saw no daylight so had no idea what was happening. He was all wired up and bored. His mind was always ok but the nurse watching him was on a laptop all the time. He had no taste so everything miserable. He put an act when we visited and asked for his emails so he could keep with it. He was in there twice because we were present when they were taking out the wires and he had another heart attack so he was staying. So we thought how can he survive that? Another time we were there and he was having a heart attack and it was scarey and I was sure that was it again. And so it went on. He had toes amputated and that didn’t work. Then he had to be starved for all these cancelled ops and his kidneys were not working and in end his foot and below knee amputated then we were told he would be ok. Really ? Then they took out his temporary pacemaker after five weeks in hospital and I said no he will die and two days later he fell out of bed had his breakfast we couldn’t get there in time and that was it. All that and I was thinking he was coming home in a wheelchair after rehab only not. Then said having a pm then not. So I think I couldn’t have cared for him only I wish he was here but he wouldn’t have been ok like that nor lasted long
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I am so very sorry for your losses. My husband also died while I was with him. He came downstairs in the morning to make a phone call. I was a minute behind him and found him sitting up unconscious on the settee. He had the cricket on and managed to mute the telly before making his phone call. It was literally as if someone had switched him off at the mains. I did everything - got him on the floor, CPR. Screamed down the phone for an ambulance. It was horrific. All to no avail. I miss him more and more ever day. We can get through this together. We must keep talking and getting things off our chest. Love and strength to you all xx. Jean.
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I used to imagine I would find my husband had died in bed for some reason. This for a long time before he died I knew how I’ll he was
My husbands journey was a long difficult one. He had Alzheimer’s. He died almost 7 mos ago. I lost him twice, first his mind was taken and then his physical body. After being in memory care for 10 mos, I brought him home with hospice. He could no longer walk or sit, so my fear that he would get out of the house and run away (which he did) no longer existed. His decline was so agonizing and painful. But bringing him home to die was one of the best decisions of my life besides say “yes” on our wedding day.
I am attending a grief group. Yesterday we discussed acceptance. It’s stated that process can take 6-9 mos. I am still struggling with that. I have the feeling of how can this be. His Alzheimer’s, and death seem like a horrific nightmare. And it was. I feel like I need to find a place for everything he went through, I went through and we as a couple went through, to rest in peace, which is something I haven’t achieved yet. Maybe I never will. I am existing not living. Life is very hard.
Love and peace, Karen
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i lost my partner 3 months today and i had to contain myself from crying on the bus, i have friends and a small family but i am so alone,I too dont know how i will cope and worry and scared about the future, i hope you find some peace and i find that now the funeral is over i feel worse and dont know what to do.
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I lost my husband on the 2nd dec 22 and i too feel so much worse now then i did, i think its the realisation that there never coming back if someone told me one month ago i could feel worse i wouldn’t of believed them but i do i can honestly say i feel worse everday i live in hope of the upturn but sadly we just have to trudge on and hope it happens sooner rather then later, i constantly tell myself what would i say if this was happening to a friend good luck and take care xx
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Yes I get worse days after three months. Confusion is a big part.
Glad I got a bag of garden rubbish in a bin bag. Suffered later as feet freezing cold as have Reynauds decease so sat with with warm water bottle. Got a dinner but didn’t get out apart from that as felt chilly.
Friend’s husband’s funeral tomorrow not sure if can show my face as brings it back as went to my husband’s cousins funeral and in doing so my car is broken now so means a walk. But see how I feel.