Hi Amanda I lost my husband July 2022 and I think it does get worse when the realisation hits you they are not coming back . However I went through that and when my mind let me process this it has got better. I miss him terribly and do have bad days but those days for me are getting less there is usually a trigger. You take care x
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My loss feels worse as the days, weeks and months roll on, My husband died in September 2022 and on bad days I feel as if going insane and I feel physically ill too. Today is one of those days. My body feels heavy and I don’t want to move.
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If you dont mind me asking how long after did it sink in your husband had gone 
i know everyone is different and ive tried all sorts of help, councilling etc to make sure i dont delay the grieving process at all. Take care and thank you x
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He died in July but I will say December before it sunk in, maybe because it was Christmas . I honestly have to say now that feeling has gone but I do still miss him. I think the worse part of grieving is the one they won`t come back
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Thank you ill live in hope 
i have the added problem we ran a business together, which im finding really hard running on my own, which i hate but i do think it has also kept me going as it makes me get out of bed in the morning and i must be starting to feel different as ive had this weekend off work as ive been to work everyday since he died so hopfully this is maybe a good sign but i wont get too excited. Thank you again and good luck in this bloody awful journey xx
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The same happened to me husband had a cardiac arrest in bed beside me. For eleven minutes I tried to revive him before the paramedics arrived but it was no use he never regained consciousness. It’s 22 months for me and each day I wonder if I could have done something more. It’s torture. Could I have done anything more ? I was told no by the doctor and the Coroner who confirmed undetected heart disease but still I wish I could have done more - why so we punish ourselves when we have so much hurt anyway.
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My wife died of pneumonia.
She’d been having cancer treatment that was all going to plan. Early in December she became ill with the flu and she couldn’t shake it off.
Long story short she was admitted into hospital on the 21st ‘just to be safe’.
Then she ended up on a ventilator, sedated.
Nothing they could do could save her and she never came back to me.
She passed away peacefully on January 6th with me and all of her family with her.
I keep on fighting with myself that what if she’d seen a doctor sooner, maybe it would have been different. The doctors told me it was her weak immune system that was the problem due to the cancer treatment. Her body couldn’t fight it.
She was more poorly than even she knew.
But I can’t help the feeling of guilt.
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@Georgie15
The chances of successfully resuscitating someone even in a hospital situation is only about 10% so at home is even lower. Try not to dwell on the ‘what ifs’ as they hold you in their clutches. I know that’s easy to say and not so easy to do but I’m sure the professionals are right that there is no more you could have done and, like my darling husband with no knowledge of his heart condition, it was simply his time to go.
Sending you love and hugs. xxx
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@Georgie15. There was nothing else you could have done. I am a retired nurse and I couldn’t get my husband back. I found him on the settee, unconscious. I did everything I could but I lost him anyway. 4 paramedic teams worked on him for a good hour but it was obviously his time to go. We all have the ‘what ifs’, it’s part of the grieving process but it is destructive and can only cause you more pain. You did everything you could, as did I and everyone else on here. Im so very sorry for your loss. Jean xx.
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@Syncrog60 I can understand the awful loss you have suffered. My wife had been on cancer treatment for 8 years with 2 courses of radio and 2 of chemo. She was in remission for 2 years and had 5 Covid vaccinations. We were due to go on holiday and she tested positive for Covid. She became weaker and eventually I got her to hospital. She went straight into the ICU. They told us the cancer treatment had weakened her immune system and the vaccinations had not worked. Against the odds, she began to recover but was placed in a general ward next to a lady with pneumonia. She caught this and died. Like your wife, she was more poorly than we knew, but there was no way of knowing this. You cannot blame yourself for what happened.
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@Mike75 I understand what you are saying Mike. I was a nurse for over 30 years and did oncology for the last several of my career. Chemo makes patients immune system very vulnerable. Not able to defend their bodies as their blood counts are compromised. I am sure you know all this only too well.
I have been to hell with my beloved husbands Alzheimer’s. And believe me he suffered. We have to hold onto all that was beautiful in our lives. Things are very difficult for me. As I am sure your spouse was, mine was the center of my universe. And that universe is gone now. It’s been almost 7 mos for me. Life is very hard. I wish all of us better days.
Peace and love, Karen
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@Karetired Thank you for your kind words. I understand the terrible part of dementia is that you lose the person twice. I was told my wife was likely to die 5 times whilst she was in hospital. I was still unprepared when she did. She was a beautiful woman and 6 years younger than me but at the end the lady in the next bed said she thought she was my mother as the disease and treatment had ravaged her so much. I would have been prepared to care for her in any state just to have her with me but I think she would not have wanted that. She was my love for 50 years and will be forever and her love was for our whole family. I am trying to keep that going for her sake and I know I’m lucky to have that as others like yourself do not. Love and support xx
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Thank you all so much for your reassurances. I know deep down there was nothing I could have done and he’d starved of oxygen for so long if he had recovered what sort of life would he have led. I’d taken him to A&E twice in the two weeks leading up to his death because he was feeling so unwell but was told it wasn’t “ cost effective” to keep him in and sent us away with some pills so stop the “sickness” feeling. Perhaps they could have done more who knows 
we’ll never know. As always thank you for your kindness especially from people who have faced the same situation and dealt with it the best way we could have 
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I also lost my husband to a cardiac arrest…writing this through tears, today is a bad day. It was last October, 128 days ago, it was so sudden and unexpected. I just want my life back to the way it was. Xx
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I get angry thinking perhaps the GP could of done more, he was being treated for indigestion. Lots of what ifs…
I feel robbed of my life, my future. How do those of you similarly affected cope with these feelings. Sorry for ranting, just having a bad day today.
Love and hugs to all xx
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Please don’t apologise Skip we all have these days and all feel we have been robbed of the person we love the most. I don’t think the sadness will ever leave me and in someways I don’t want it to just to remind me of the wonderful man who was taken from me. We had a huge family get together yesterday which was lovely 
John would have been in his element but coming home to an empty house still kills me and inevitably leads to tears. It’ll be two years in April and although much better than I was I’ll always be sad 
BIG hugs
Georgina
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@Skip
I think for me the conscious decision NOT to keep thinking about ’what ifs’ was a huge help. They do creep in from time to time but they cannot change what actually did happen so they serve no purpose but to harm your peace of mind and your ability to cope.
Accepting that what happened did and that I cannot change that was, I think for me, the second step to creating a new life, the first having been the reality that it has happened at all.
The constant thoughts of me wanting him back are pointless as it can’t happen. I am lucky to have a faith which lets me know that we will be together again one day but that I have jobs to do here first. One of those being to try and get my younger daughter more independent so my focus on that and looking after other things which mattered to Richard are my new purpose. He inspires me daily.
Sending you love xxx
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I received news that there will be a wedding in my husbands family later this fall, our nephew. My husband comes from a large family. He was the oldest of 9 children. I love them all. Always had fun at family gatherings, I loved watching my husband laugh and joke around. He has been gone nearly 7 mos. I know the wedding is several mos away, but the thought of going alone without him has really thrown me into a tail spin. I spent last night crying It would involve a 3 hour plane flight, making accommodations for myself, is too overwhelming. Something I think about is bringing my sadness to such a joyous occasion. I just can’t do that. Now another element to deal with on this nightmare of a journey.
Karen
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Karen that is totally how I feel once I accepted this I found myself on a path to live with the grief. It is never going to go away, why would it but as they say we live with it. I still have bad days usually by a trigger, I would like to think we will be together again I can imagine the conversations! xx
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@Karetired
So difficult and we have this to face this year with my daughter’s wedding. We know we will be very emotional and I haven’t got as far as thinking who I will be with on the day as my younger daughter will be maid of honour - if she can manage it on them day. I imagine your family will be understanding that you will find it incredibly difficult and may have tears but maybe you could discuss your anxiety about it with them and see if they have any brainwaves.
Hugs xxx