To the two Karens. My story is that my son’s wedding was booked not three months after John died. I was looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I saw a counsellor who was brilliant who talked me through the whole process. She taught me how to breathe and to read any speeches beforehand so I knew what was coming from both my son and his older brother was was best man. My heart broke but at the same time I held it together as it was his day and we wasn’t going to let grief ruin it. In fact I was the only one not crying at the speeches in fact it was me comforting others in the end. My message “don’t let grief win” it’s taken over most of our lives already let the wedding be a wedding and not a
wake. It’ll be tough but you’ve got this ladies !!!
Do it for your loved one and especially the one you have lost.
Thank you SO much @Georgie15
One aspect which makes it easier for me is that it’s very informal with no speeches so nothing to hit me there. I totally agree with the sentiment that I’m not letting grief win - in any aspect of my life. I’m battling this all the way with many of my new friends from here.
Love to all
Karen xxx
Love the support for each other on here.
Love the phrase dont let grief win. I need to work on that…
Love to all and thanks for your support @Georgie15 and @KarenF x
Georgeina I agree I read a poem I wrote about my husband at his funeral and had practised it before hand. I knew I was going to do it whatever happened I would try even if the vicar had to help but he didn’t as I managed without breaking down and am glad I was able to do that for him to say goodbye. To validate him.
That must have been so hard, you are so brave to have managed to read the poem in dedication to your husband. he would have been very proud of you I am sure. It’s amazing how we find the strength somehow because of love is so deep.
Good for you and how brave of you ! My eldest son did the reading at my husbands funeral while my youngest son wept in my arms. So proud of Scott he never dwelt on the sad times but reminded us of the good times.
My husband had a heart attack three days after first covid Jag - was it connected? I’ll never know. I was told I could get a telephone appt with the coroner, which I considered. After speaking to our son & daughter, we agreed it was just dad’s time and his work on earth was done.
In hindsight, I think this was the right decision. Two years have passed, I still have my moments but I embrace them it’s my connection to him.
I lost Peter 20 months ago. I too have a great family who are here for me but it doesn’t seem to help lessen the blow. I too, even now, cry every day. This apparently is quite normal but it is extremely hard trying to put a brave face on all the time. I have even been told to stop wallowing in my grief. I believe that the grief is a sure sign of how much we love our partners and I for one will never get over losing my beloved husband of nearly 55 years. So I am sending you love and understanding. We must stick together. xxx
@MoGreg1 I’m so sorry for your loss. There is no timetable for grief and you should not feel you have to be strong all the time. I lost my wife of 47 years in October and I allow myself ‘time outs’ to grieve in private every day. These usually contain tears but can also be a period of reflection on happy memories. Grief is not always a public thing as others who have not experienced it as intensely as when you lose your life partner do not understand or know how to react. It does however need time and space as it is, unfortunately, a part of our lives albeit a part we never asked for and wish never happened or would go away. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time and space to deal with your feelings and post them here. You will find support and someone to listen. xx
Why does this keep happening to me yesterday was a really good day I think I was getting somewhere Today go over to the house and the boiler has packed up I can`t turn off the stop cock to drain down the system after a few tears and I really hate this house with the help of great friends it is sorted. Sorry for the rant Friday my drains blocked up when my lovely hubby was alive these things happened but I sorted them without the stress because he was there, Now I have no one to share the burden and ask am I doing it right
@Heather56 BUT you still got it sorted so amazingly well done. Plenty of others wouldn’t have a clue how to begin arranging that, never mind the idea of physically doing anything.
Xxx
As if being in the throws of grieving isn’t enough, along come all the things our precious loved ones took care of that now fall on our realm to solve. But kudos to you, you figured it out. I have run into some of these issues too, and my helpful neighbors that live behind us helped me. Hate this “new life” if it can be referred to as such.
Love and peace, Karyn
I had a problem with my electrics not long after David went. Luckily my son knew a good spark but it took a day and a half to sort. At first I had no heating and none of the appliances would work. It seemed ten times worse because my husband wasn’t there.
Oh @Jean8 I know, I understand. Everything is compounded and so hard. We miss our beloved husbands so much. We are left to manage the best we can. I rely on the love my husband and I shared. We are not alone, they are with us, I truly believe that. Someday we will be with them, that is what keeps me going.
Hugs and love, Karen
everything seems twice as bad right now, when something goes wrong I just sit and cry because Colins not here to fix it. It’s been nearly 4 months since he suddenly went and each day seems to get harder, I try to keep busy but it doesn’t help much. I just sit in the window and look up at the sky and wonder where he is and wish I good go and be with him again. I miss him so much.
Today I freaked as since my hubby died on 13th July 2022 a date I will never forget and he shouldnt have died but that is a different matter. I have spent my time juggling moving from one house to another my old home is still for sale. I have spent the last 6 months renovating my new home now it is over things are hitting me that I have buried as my mind is letting me remember. I hate evenings tonight I will do the ironing I do go out on my own as that doesnt bother me however it is my birthday next week and the first time in 42 yrs he won`t be here. This time last year I was packing to go on holiday and we had planned where we would go this year. My family have been great but as the oldest sibling I was always the go to person for problems, I have arranged 3 funerals in the last 5 years including my beloved husband . I still try to be that person I was but it is hard. I am sort of dreading now having time on my hands which I realised today is going to happen how I will cope
@Heather56 First, don’t try to be the person you always were. You are forever changed. How could you be the same? My beloved husband died 7 mos and 3 days ago. He had Alzheimer’s, and watching him struggle and suffer, especially the last 2 years of his disease was agonizing. Everything feels different to me now. Trying to find our way forward is a struggle. But don’t put pressure on yourself trying to be the same person. Will people understand? Some may, some won’t. That doesn’t matter. Just try to be good to yourself in doing what gives you some relief. And that is different for all of us on this difficult journey. For me this site helps in that I learn the things I am going through are shared by many. That is supportive for me.
Peace and Love, Karen
