Struggling

Today I am struggling. I feel anxious and have felt this all day. I can’t seem to get control of it. My husband died two years ago and I feel I’m struggling with the grief. I feel lost and empty sometimes and it just comes from nowhere. I feel breathless and anxious when I go out and have this sadness. I feel I can’t tell anyone because after two years everyone thinks I should be okay but I still feel the same. I keep telling myself I am a brave and confident woman but I’m not. I feel I am either close to tears or panic most of the time. Does anyone else feel like this. Weekend always seems worse. X

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me the last few days. i have no friends to say lets go for coffee. im going to a church. Group in a couple of weeks it’s a bereavement group so I’m hoping there are other people who feel like me, I would like to meet up

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Nel
I lost my soulmate two years four months ago and I feel just like you and I agree that most people expect you to over your loss. Luckily I have joined the U3A and have made new friends and many of them have lost their partners and understand but I know my sisters and others think I should be ‘over’ my loss. Like you I find weekends and bank holidays the worse.

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i thought about joining the U3A but im not clever and i know some have a music group. not long
lived in the area so
will investigate. Honestly i have no social life visits for me is shopping, doctors and hospital(never had so many blood tests didnt know i was ill!!) i tried to complete the form for voluntary work at the hospital but the form got on my pip​:rofl::rofl:
i dont mind going to the cinema alone so hopefully some good films coming out. Love Marvel films no one i know does lol
x

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Hi Nel, I feel the same. I lost my brother 14 months ago and I hoped that the anxiety and panic attacks would get better. Well, they did, but only for a about 6 weeks. And now, they are getting worse again. ??

I also feel lost and empty like you. (I hoped that it would get slowly better by now.) - Yes, weekends are even worse than the mornings. - My GP put me on antidepressants few days ago, but I hate them. (Perhaps my sleep will get a bit better.) - I usually go the local park to talk to some new friends, but I cannot be bothered at the moment. - I still can’t cope with anything either. How do you cope with the loneliness? It is definitely the worst for me.

Hi nett, I too go to a local bereavement group and it helps a lot. But, we only meet once a month for two hours. - (No meeting next month because of the coronation.)

Take care you two, - Nick

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Hi @Nel it is fourteen months for me and I miss my husband so much. I find the loneliness excruciating. The house is so quiet. Not that my husband was loud but just missing his physical presence. I still cry at some point every day and I can’t see that changing any time soon. I wish everyone a peaceful weekend.x

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Nett
I’m definitely not clever. I go to the U3A meetings with others to join in the different groups. It is a way to join in interesting groups or activities and meet new people, I would recommend it. I go to history, local history, gardening group and walking groups. There are many other groups to join in. Love Carol

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i know all about the U3A as worked in retirement housing for 30 years and we had the groups in our lounge. I will have a look at the music and history. I don’t think I could do the walking all the gardening ha ha. It helps to chat on here doesn’t it? Especially when we feel fed up, we can cheer other on x

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@Nick22 what do you do when you are panicking to calm down. I always feel it is never going to stop. I go to the local park which is behind my house and there are a few people who I chat to but I find it difficult when I feel anxious. I find the loneliness hard. I have always been surrounded by people and quite chatty but since my husband died I feel lost. My brother moved in with me as I didn’t want to live alone. He is a great comfort but he is not a chatter. I try to live in the moment as I panic if I think too far ahead about what life holds and where I might be in twelve months time. I don’t know what to do with life and where I fit any more x

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Whats the U3A ??

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Aw poor loobyloo … i miss my husband’s presence too! I walked my dog today and was telling this silly woman my husband passed away and she was divorced and said its better by yourself !! No its not ! Maybe it is for her but its not same as when someone passes ! People dont understand do they ? Either that or they’re stupid ! She chose to be alone ! I didnt :frowning:

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Exactly @Deb5 when someone makes a life choice to divorce they can’t compare that to when a person dies and the othe person is left on their own. I am still so bereft.x

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Deb5
It’s theU

It is the university of the third age for retired or semi retired people. Lot of different groups, ie art, music appreciation, gardening, history, languages etc. There are U3As countrywide and only charge is for hire of room if necessary. Lots of choice of interests groups. I would recommend it.

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Oh right just wondered. Dont think I’m up to groups yet :frowning: x

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And also when theyre divorced that person is still here so they could see them if they wanted to ! I was really annoyed with that woman ! She has no idea …people say the most stupid things !!! Grrhhh and good luck to her if she enjoys living alone! I dont i hate it !! I got my little dog thank goodness :heartbeat: she keeps me sane xx

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Hi Nel, I did read on the internet that everything should get slowly better after the first year. After about 1 year and 2 weeks I actually started to get slowly better. Perhaps it was because I believed it, I do not know to be honest. But it does not work so well at the moment.

I usually do two things to fight my anxiety.
1 - Going for a walk in the park and also stroke dogs. (W are supposed to walk for about 30 minutes.) I also give the dogs some treats. I do that twice a day, but, it does not last for very long.

2 - I also try some breathing exercise 4 6 8. Breathing in for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 6 seconds and breathing out for 8 seconds. I have to do it at least three times. It works most of the time.

I have not been able to manage the panic attacks. I fail every time. My brain just stops working and I lose all my energy. I have to stop what ever I am doing. I guess that is why they call it a panic attack. - I totally failed the day my brother died of a heart attack. - I lost valuable time looking for the cordless phone. It was right next to me. I blamed myself for some time, until I was told that there was nothing anyone could have done. Take care, - Nick

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Hi @Nel So sorry to hear that you are having a bad day today. There some Zoom meetings that are arranged for Friday evenings at 8pm. They are not advertised in the forums as such because non-members can see forum posts but if you (and anyone else reading this) would like to be added to the private message that provides the weblinks to the meetings you can message @KarenF or myself and between us we can get you added so you can see the links for the Zoom sessions. I find weekends, particularly Sundays (because that’s the day my partner died) a pain sometimes. Too much time and too many thoughts. You’re brave for posting about how you feel. Have you had any bereavement counselling in the two years since your husband died? I don’t know what else to say right now except that you’re not alone and there are a lot of good people on here who will try and help you if they can.
Best Wishes

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Aw nick you take care ! Its the what ifs - theyre a killer aren’t they ? Why do we do that to ourselves ? I think its just we trying to make sense of it and also because we are so full of regret that it happened ! Just goes to prove how much we loved them i think :thinking:

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Its University of the 3rd Age.
If you Google it you should find a group in your area.

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@Loobyloo2 . lm only 5 months in but these last 10 days have been back-to-back tsunamis. like you loneliness & a quiet house is devastating.
will l ever run out of tears? is it possible to cry yourself dry?

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