I lost my best friend, my mum on Blue Monday of this year, and since then I’ve been fighting with grief,trying to “get over it” I think I have an actual phobia about being off work as at my age I can still remember the stigma around mental health, and I don’t think its gone away completely. Last night I decided to embrace my grief instead of fighting it, I possibly will take more time off work as my physical symptoms and anxiety levels are so acute at the moment.
I can’t bare to even look at a photo of my mum as of yet, or think of the happy times we shared, without breaking into floods of tears, I just feel so lost
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So sorry to hear this, Cheryl. Well done for posting on here. Lots of us have taken time off work. For me, it’s just over 3 months. I plan on doing a phased return soon, because I can’t stay off forever. But I have definitely needed this time off, for the emotional and physical effects of the shock and grief.
Admittedly, I felt better able to take long-term sick because once of the bosses took at least three months for a bereavement.
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Hi Burgled
Thank you so much for replying, reading it has helped. I just need time to adjust, but its so hard, I actually yearn for her, l love her so much. Xx
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Im so sorry for your loss Cheryl - i lost my Mum 15 weeks ago after caring for her, and the pain of her loss is horrendous. Well done for recognising that you were “fighting” your grief and that you have chosen to embrace it instead. Its not easy, letting such painful feelings arise, but i think of grief as a process/flow - you have to sometimes let those emotions run their course and go with that flow or else its like trying to build a dam against the tide. It doesnt mean you cant seek distraction some of the time as well - ive started knitting stuff when my mind needs calming! Its very early days, just focus on trying to eat when you can/rest if you can/get outdoors if you can. Your mind and body has been through a huge trauma, so treat it gently. Dont be afraid of taking time off if you need it, or of seeking support from your gp/a counsellor if your anxiety is becoming too much to handle. I hope you have someone that you feel you talk to - its very easy to feel isolated and lost, but sharing your thoughts and feelings, even in a journal does help. And keep posting here 
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I lost my mum on new year’s day. I’m still off work but thinking about going back beginning of march on a phased return. My concentration is getting better and like you I’m trying not to fight the grief. I was so poorly after the funeral and have had terrible tinnitus which I think is stress induced so that isn’t helping. But I’ve started running again which is helping and can at least now face going back to the house
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Hi Ally, thank you so much for your kind words, I’m still getting around this site, don’t know if this is a private or public message, perhaps you could let me know? I made a decision last night to take a bit more time off work, it’s been about 5 weeks now. I have a guilt complex about taking time off but ultimately I have to listen to my body,after deciding I actually feel a little less stressed. Hope this message doesn’t sound too random, my head is still all over the place, thank you again x
No it makes perfect sense! These message streams are public, if you ever want to private message someone you can click on their name and you should see option to send private message. All your private messages can be viewed by clicking on your initial in the very top right corner of screen, then clicking the envelope icon. 
Thanks so much for that, that’s one less thing to think about
Hi @Pixiecat I lost my Mum last year so I understand the devastation such a loss brings. Don’t rush the process of grieving, it will take a long time to adapt to this huge absence. It has been a very difficult process for me, I know the experience has changed me and I still feel a weight of sadness. Take the time off work to feel stronger in yourself as grief steals your energy and motivation. Be kind to yourself. I have tried hard to find little things to help bring me some comfort. I know the only way is forward, to keep going ahead in this new version of my life. Best wishes to you xx
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Hi Rosiepink, I could resanate with every word of your reply, especially the fact that grieving steals your energy and motivation. I think the hardest part is that I didn’t expect the grief to be so disabilitating, I’ve no Interest in any thing.
I wish you so well for the future xx
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Hiya I’m sorry for your loss and see it’s still very raw, I’m glad your concentration is returning, mines still all over the place. I think you might be right about stress inducting tinnitus as I’ve got it too. Good luck with the running
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I still haven’t returned to work after my mum passing away end of October 23 I’ve just been signed off again after seeing a mental health nurse who was reviewing my medication, I had my 4th session of bereavement counselling today and it went ok, I still get upset talking about mum, but it’s with the love I had for her I know one day I will have to fully accept she’s gone and the void she left will allways be there and I will have to build my life around that and the road ahead is going to be very long I have good days and really bad days but the medication helps alongside the counselling, I doubt my heart will ever heal I’ll just have to learn to live with my grief and know that it’s ok to do that, that I don’t have to hide it, I just need to keep going that’s what my mum would want me to do even though at times I still wish I didn’t have to people are relying on me to be there no matter how I’m feeling inside x
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I think thats absolutely right Lisa, i dont think we really “heal” - grief is part of us now and the difficulty is learning how we live with that new part of us. Glad you’re sticking with the counselling- i had another not great bereavement support group today which then led to me feeling extremely distressed and desperate when i got home, so feeling v fragile now. Waiting for some dates for one to one counselling. 
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I’ve just had my 6th counselling session which was provided by my employer. I started counselling just before my mum passed because of the stress, mum was hospilised at the beginning of November after falling, we later found out it was a heart attack, From November till she passed her condition was like a roller coaster, she slept through Christmas, then picked up, tested positive for covid, 5 days in isolation, picked up again then tested positive again. After that she went down hill rapidly and the hospital managed to get her into the hospis for her last 2 days. It’s true I believe that you’ll never get over the grief, so I’m longing for the day that I can think about my mum with happiness, instead of this torture I feel now
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Yeah I think you would benefit from one to one, I’m not sure I’d cope with a group session it’s hard enough dealing with your own emotions, i go back and see the mental health nurse on the 21st she has basically told me I’m going to need more than the 6 sessions you normally get and I feel that if my sessions stop in 2 weeks time them I’m basically going to go backwards and all the work I’ve put in to opening up is going to set me back so my counsellor is going to discuss it with me next week.
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I’m new on here and I think I’ve found the right thread. My mum died when I was 18 months old and my nan & grandpa brought me up from then as their own. We had a ridiculously strong bond and were like best friends, spending nearly every day together or on the phone. We shared the same crazy sense of humour and would do anything for each other. They supported me when my husband was seriously ill and were a massive part of my daughter’s lives. My Grandpa died 3 years ago after 7 years of dementia and we struggled with his loss, but none more so than my Nan. He died 2 days before their 70th wedding anniversary. My Nan died New Year Eve 2023 and I spent her final 24 hours solidly with her with my daughter. I feel so lost without her; not only that it resurfaced my loss of my grandpa and my mum as they carried her memories for me as I have none of my own. I adore my girls and husband, but I have this massive void and I hate not being able to see or touch them. I’ve been off work since and feel bad coz others go back straight away, but I am trying desperately to process all these feelings. My daughters are struggling with her loss as well and I feel bad because I’m struggling to support them with it. I do, but it’s draining and I feel guilty 
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So sorry for your loss I can totally relate to everything your saying my mum was my everything she was my best friend, she was my shoulder and my confidant we did everything together and the void she has left in my life is massive, I have 2 girls and they miss her so much I’ve tried to support them as best I can but it’s so difficult when I’m grieving myself i don’t think they can fully understand what losing my mum means to me and the impact it’s had on my mental health and wellbeing x
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Hi Lisa I can feel your pain. You’ve basically mirrored my feelings and emotions,I lost my mum on 15th January 24I woke up crying this morning just because I thought of a saying my mum used to say, I keep thinking is this it, forever? Then I think it’s just a process that needs time. One of the worst feelings for me is the guilt, but saying that, it’s a combination of everything, especially the feeling of a tight band around my forehead and across my nose, it feels like a constant reminder that my mums gone 
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@Pixiecat so sorry to hear you’ve been through this. I lost my mum 9 dats ago. Prior to that she was on ICU for 7 weeks, doctors tried so hard to save her. Like you, I was visiting pretty much every day, but was never able to make contact with her. She never regained consiousness. It was a rollecoster too. One day she was better, next day I was told to get ready for worst. I’m physically exhausted and also mentally. I’m taking time off from work, I can’t bare the thought of going back (I work in a hospital you see). I do understand how you felt and feel. Sending you lots of hugs. I still have the funeral to get through. And yesterday was my birthday. Felt so alone and empty.
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I could say it will get easier but I know for me I doubt it ever will we battled for 26 years so that’s a lot along the way, to then be given a prognosis of 6-12 months but only get 12 weeks was hard to grasp the shock of it all I sit here still not fully comprehending my life ahead as the grief I’m feeling takes over everything and all the time feeling guilty that I couldn’t save her from this, I’m not able to express to my family how I’m really feeling inside so I keep it to myself and release it when I go to my counselling session I haven’t said anything to my dad as he’s 91 and dealing with his own grief and every day I worry about him, I just want my mum I miss her so so much i want her to hug me and tell me everything will be ok like she used to x