Stuck In A Life I Don’t Want

I lost my gorgeous husband last April and I’ve realised this morning, after yet another sleepless night, I’m stuck in a life of ‘have to’s’ and there are no ‘want to’s’. In the few weeks after his death I had to deal with organising his funeral, something I never, ever imagined I’d be doing in my mid fifties. Then I had to deal with sorting probate, then having to think about what to do with his possessions, something I’m still struggling with. I’ve had to deal with his inquest, which was so harrowing I’m still getting over it. I have to go to work, eat and sleep. None of this brings any joy. There’s been very few ‘want to’s’ and those that I would like to do, I want to do with him, like go on holiday, go out for the day, go to a restaurant, make plans - but I can’t, he’s not here to share them with. I have fantastic support from family and friends who help me through, but I just don’t feel I’m in control of my own life anymore. I love him so much and just want him, and our life of choices together, back. Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself and needed to offload.


Good morning

I lost my husband in November 2023. He lost his battle with cancer. We were told in August there was nothing else they could do for him. They gave him 12 months. 3 months later, he was gone.

I’m sorry for your loss and please accept my condolences.

I was talking to a friend of mine and he told me. “You are going to suffer. You are going to have hard days. You’re going to cry. Use it to become a better version of yourself. Not just for you but in their honour”.

Take time to find yourself. You will never forget him. He will always be with you. Just take it one day at a time. Do things as and when you’re ready.

Sending hugs :people_hugging:


I lost my husband October 23 I don’t have much support.I just want him back so we can go away and go out together it’s not the same on your own .I now have no heating or hot water something else to sort out something that he would off done .i am missing him and feeling very sorry for myself .i still take one off his jackets to bed every night


Pam,it’s horrible,life will never be the same and without much support it’s hard,I don’t have any close relatives to ask for help although I do have others who I could ask for help but don’t like to ask.It’s awful when things go wrong like your heating ,Peter always dealt with everything and I worry constantly about things going wrong I can’t deal with I have never had to and after 38 years together it’s frightening.


Everything gets on top off me life will never be the same again .It is very hard to push yourself to do anything let alone sorting things out that go wrong


@LittleNestOfVipers please dont apologise for how you are feeling. Im sorry for your loss. Like you i have lost my partner in November 2023 and life is just moving along with have to’s and the want to’s i hope will come back but it’s hard without your partner beside you.
Having supportive family and friends are such a help but that yearning for our loved ones hurts so much.
A friend of mine who’s husband passed away 2 years ago has written a list of all her want to’s and she said she is determined to achieve some of them. She has been my inspiration and admire her so much. She still has her hours moments days she finds life hard but she has found a way to move forward in her life. X

I understand completely Pam ,I have a light switch that is dodgy and I dare,nt turn the light on and can’t motivate myself to find an electrician.I am so paranoid I thought a washer had gone in a tap so wouldn’t turn the tap on I did get a plumber who told me there was nothing wrong with it.I hope you manage to get your heating sorted I know it’s not easy .

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So sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through but please be assured that you are not alone we all are going through similar journey of grief together.
This new life is sad, empty and lonely no one to talk to, to laugh or cry with, to care for, to confide in and most of all to share life with. It’s a cruel world that we are forced to live in when our loved ones are taken so abruptly and unfairly :broken_heart:
No need to say sorry, it’s good to offload - we all need to, it’s good for our wellbeing so please keep sharing x


I know exactly how you feel. My husband, my soul mate and the father of my three beautiful children, passed away in March 22 having fought so bravely against both multiple myeloma and bowel cancer. We had reached that point in our lives where we were planning our retirement together, having spent so much of our married lives apart as his job took him all over the world. And suddenly it was all gone, everything we had dreamed of. I struggle so much now, it just feels so surreal - because he worked away so much I keep expecting him to just come home from work like he always did, and then reality hits and it’s like I’m losing him all over again. I don’t really want to carry on because the pain is unbearable, but I promised him I would and the thought of my children losing another parent keeps me going. I have tried so hard to make a new life for myself, but because it’s not what I really want, it feels so shallow. I don’t think the pain of losing him will ever go away.


I to don’t want to be in a world without Steve but I think off our 3 daughters and are grandchildren even though I don’t see much off them
We had just retired to and had lots planned


You have described exactly how I feel and I want to thank as I now know how to describe how I am feeling.
I too miss doing ever with my late husband. He was 68 and died of Acute Leukemia. It was so quick and I feel heartbroken. I go through the motions but i worry that I will never be able to be me, happy and enjoying life.


My Steve was 66 and was ill for over 3 years and that was really hard we were always at hospital :disappointed_relieved:

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Bless everyone who has posted on this thread. And so sorry for every loss.

These postings are completely ‘me’ at the moment after my partner of 18 years died suddenly. Really don’t feel I belong here & each day starts so positive, which I just can’t maintain. Been 2 months and yesterday shop was the worst ever, just wanted to cry, so strange.

Sometime time goes quick, others not so quick. Just horrid.

Know we must get out for walk, fresh air etc, but that is hard isn’t it? Or, just me? Sure our loved ones would not want this!! Keep asking for my Jeff’s guidance … it will come.

One day (sometime hour) at a time I think.

Take care, loads love xx


I’m sorry for all your loss I’ve read every single post and I feel for you all I lost my husband in May 2023 after being together for 51 years if I go out I still expect him to be sat in his chair I just completely break down but coming onto here is and has helped me


I find coming on here is very helpful. I lost my hubby in November 23. I talk to him everyday

I’m so glad you find being on here is a help I also talk to my husband every day too and with my daughters help we are going to do a scrap book of him and we’re going to make it happy not sad as he was a character the scrap book is called "Once Upon a Time " I’m actually looking forward to doing it you take care

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I’m doing a memorial box for both his great grandsons. One is 2 and the other is 5

That is so lovely my daughter did me one take care

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Lost my wife last month. Of 47yrs life can never be the same every day is as bad as the last day nevering endind pain

Gibbo so very sorry for your loss of your wife it will be very raw for you at the moment I know exactly how you feel
just try to take one day at a time it’s a terrible thing we go through I do hope you get some comfort from coming on this forum you take great care