Hi Ivyholla, I wasn’t with my wife as long as you were with yours, mine was a second marriage, Ria was from Holland and we both met in Spain, she moved with her family to England in 1999 and we were married in 2000. We worked so hard in our relationship, being from two different cultures was sometimes very difficult, but we made it work and we loved each other very much. I had reached retirement and Ria was only 61 when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we had so many plans for travel and spending time with the grandchildren, but sadly that has now all gone, I still go out and do thing’s, but it’s not the same, I can’t wait to get home again, but then when I’m at home I feel I need to get out, before Ria passed away she made me promise I would move on and not go down hill, but as you well know this is almost impossible, I try to take one day at a time and I am currently writing a book of how me and Ria met, our lives together and Rias subsequent cancer diagnosis and passing, I’m also writing a blog of my struggles and feelings, I actually find writing thing’s down quite therapeutic and sometimes feel like Ria is with me. I hope thing’s get better for you soon, take care.
It is better now for me now, I just think of all the joy we shared, I believe she watches over me, I take comfort in knowing we will be together again eventually. Best regards Kev.
Hi - I was with my husband from when I was 17 up to 68 so nearly 51 yrs in all but married 47. Its 18 months since I lost him and I get ptsd as the last week of his life was traumatic. I get very upset when I replay it in my head.,
Yes its so hard to go out sometimes as Ivholla says & then you just want to get back, but there is some comfort from this site which helps us all.
I talk to him and hope he is somewhere listening. Keep listening to your lovely music and try and keep busy that helps a lot, but most of all take care of yourself.
Hi Karen I almost feel your talking about me I lost my husband Nigel 11 months today and like you if it wasn’t for my children and grandchildren I wouldn’t want to be here I have thought about ending it all but then I think about the kids ,I just deal with one day at a time the thought of any longer with out nigel is just so overwhelming again like you somedays I think right I can do this but the only way is by keeping busy and that is totally exhausting I don’t want to be reliant on people I was always able to do thing and was pretty strong but it was him that gave me that strength people say we have to reinvent ourselves but that seems an impossiblebilaty and do we want to , I know I haven’t answered your question but that’s because I haven’t figured it out either I find it so hard to drag my self out of bed in the morning if it wasnt for my dog or work I would probably stay there all day some days just putting one foot in front of the other is such an effort, do you have any interests I did i use to do crafts but cant get back in to that but gardening is were i find a bit of peace, don’t be to hard on yourself and take one day at a time sorry i couldn’t be much help Yvette x
Hi Yvette yes I do painting with diamonds,I colour , the thing that lifts me the most is my northern soul music. I do go to northern soul dances if I’m not working or got someone to go with ( which isn’t often) but they are all couples, my hairdresser said she loves northern and would love to come she’s single and lives in the same village but can only make Saturday nights on the couple of occasions Iv asked her she been busy so I think does she want to come really . I like a good book but Iv given that up as a bad job coz I’m not retaining what iv read my eyes are just going over the words.
I work part time so although Iv got all this stuff to do it’s not the same when your on your own is it not that Rob and I did everything together but It’s the knowing they are there .
Mandy 1234 you are doing the right thing . You have 2 wonderful daughters and they need there mum strong ,even if you don’t feel it. You say who is their for me? But it will work out. It has to do 13 is a very funny age not a girl not a women. She needs the feeling of loving and the dog will help. It’s so sad for you to loose your mum only a week ago and you was coming to terms with the other losses. I hope you have brothers and sisters to help you through all of this .If I can help you in any way just ask take care your not alone Florance xxxx
It is hard we are having to do everything now I use todo a lot but now having to put shelf up and fix thing I was pruning the tree the other day and fell landing on pots I just layed there and cried the silence is deafening first thing in the morning so I listen to my audio book while I’m getting ready ,I am so lost with out him .I am glad you can do your dancing but I wish people would just say no instead of saying there busy unless she really is I have a friend if I can call her that now that is all ‘if you want to talk you know where I am’ I haven’t seen her since it happened family seam to be the only ones I can count on ,I know what you mean about reading I’m like it with the TV it is so hard to work up any enthusiasm to do any thing I do hope you manage to go dancing x
Dear Yvettea
I know exactly what you mean about having to do the jobs that your husband used to do. My Sunny used to mow our little lawn with the hand mower and it was one of “his” jobs. When he died in June 2021 I just couldn’t face doing it because if I had, it would’ve been an admission that he wasn’t coming back. So I left it for ages until the grass was overgrown. Then I got the mower out and of course the grass got wrapped around the blades and it just wouldn’t work properly, and I ended up flinging the mower across the lawn and lying on the grass crying my eyes out. Sunny would’ve sorted it and comforted me and its just so horrendous facing the fact that he’s never going to put his arm round me or make things better again. We didn’t have children together and I do feel so lonely. Most people just don’t get it do they?
Love to everyone on here x
Ladies l feel like am reading this about myself, trying to get someone to help me with jobs that my Lewis would of done. It’s so hard going to bed every night by myself when we sleep in the same bed for 28 year, he was my best friend and l miss him so much every day. I didn’t get chance to say good bye to him because it was very sudden. Stay strong and know you are not on your own xx
It does help to talk to people that know how your feeling, I probably could have said goodbye but I wouldn’t accept it my husband nigel kept saying I don’t want to die while we were waiting for the ambulance and I’m don’t be silly even when they took him in to the ambulance my son came to drive me to hospital but they didn’t leave they were very good air ambulance was here but they came and told us he wouldn’t pull through and needed to turn machine of we were given the chance but I think I was numb I kissed him but cant bring yourself to say those words it’s to final I was luckier than some I was there but it was such a shock we are still young still had things to do my life is over to I don’t want to be here sorry to go on it must be even harder with no family ,just put one foot in front of the other and we carry on even though we don’t want to take care xx
Hi Maigret my husband Paul was also taken from so cruelly by covid 16/01/2021 he was 60 we had been together since we was 15 Paul also loved a plan he had a plan for every day of our lives but no plan for passing away so soon so like you I am totally lost and alone as we functioned as 1 person I don’t want to plan anything for now but let’s hope and pray in time we find strength and inner peace to start our own planning for a different life as I’m sure that is what they would want for us take care x
Dear oceanvillage608
I am so sorry you lost your dear Paul, to the cruel relentless covid. This was just 3 days after I lost my husband, so you will well understand the overwhelming waves & intensity of grief day after day,well into long & lonely nights. When we spoke of death, we both said we don’t want to go on without each other, if I passed he would be right behind me. We even joked about going to Dignitas. Like you & your Paul, we were as one.
I can’t just make new plans. There needs to be a purpose & I’ve lost that purpose completely. No-one needs me or wants me as much as he did, I could probably disappear tomorrow & most would get over any grief felt soon. I know my family & friends love me but it’s conditional & I am no-ones priority or passion.
I was his, he was mine & the cruelty of this separation is killing me. I just need him to hold me & tell me he loves me. I need to know know he is OK wherever he is.
No most people don’t know what we’re going through there the lucky ones they try but you can’t understand until you are there I had a couple of friends that said I understand and they felt they did because they lost their parent but I said to them you haven’t a clue I had lost my dad a few month before and that was heart breaking but when you loss you husband love of your life literally your other half it’s a whole different level of pain life losses its purpose, I look at photos and just cry I want to touch him hold hands feel his lips on mine and it’s never going to happen again he made me me and with out him I’m nothing I cant be bothered to talk to people and slowly friend drift away probably my falt no fun anymore .it must be so hard do you have any one to talk to people keep tell me to go to counselling cos I think they feel helpless feel free to talk anytime xx
I get every word of this - me and my husband were one too. When half of you is ripped away the hurt is always going to be there. I wish I could feel his arms around me and, like you said, know where he is and that he’s ok. Take care
This is a grief the power of which I have never known. I have lost my mum, dad, brother in law then dear husband all in under 3 years. I thought I knew what grief looked like. Boy was I wrong.
2 texts today, no one calling or at door. I could reach out but I just don’t care, so why should anyone else care.
Hi I feel exactly the same I have an amazing son daughter and grandchildren but nothing can compare with the love Paul and me had for each other I really don’t want to carry on without him there is no purpose in life for me at all everyday is a punishment the only relief I have is when I’m sleeping x
I to felt I couldn’t go on I even thought about how to end it all then I remember my children and grandson on that awful night and realise I couldn’t do it to them but I still don’t want to carry on and I think if I was only given a couple of years like my mum I would do the same as her and not have any treatment, I know their love is different but they still love you deeply so I will take day by day for their sake it is extremely hard and I feel it gets harder not easier I just try to keep busy and I go to bed early as I to feel relief while sleeping hoping to dream of him and most nights I do then you wake and remember it was a dream ,please try to hang in for them xx
@Maigret
I understand how you feel, me and my Marti knew each other inside out, no one understands the bond we had, no one feels the despair and pain I am in, the desperation and yearning I have for him. I am absolutely heartbroken day in day out, struggle out of bed, then force myself to keep busy everyday, but I find it all draining and ask myself why am I alive, why should I be left without my soul mate, my life will never be worth living as my Marti was my reason for living.
Sending you all a hug
Amy x
Hi completely do understand and feel exactly the same 
Not such a good day today tried to keep busy, house is a mess so thought better tidy up, cried nonstop because he is not here so what is the point but kept going, took ages struggled with low motivation but know I have to try at least, it all seems so hopeless and so many mixed feelings, so many memories everywhere, emotionally exhausted but amongst it all I know my husband would have been pleased as punch to see it so tidy, a small comfort but better than nothing and I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better day xx