Such a mixed bag

[Oceanvillage608]

I hope and pray every day will be a better day it never seems to be it is a different day but still filled with the same pain and feelings of sadness but we must stay hopeful that one day we will wake up and feel different

[Maigret]

Part of my problem is that everything in here is so tidy, nothing gets moved. The cushions on ‘his’ sofa don’t get slung on the floor anymore with grumbles of ‘too many bloody cushions in this house’ my ‘hers’ sofa doesn’t get used. I can’t sit in our living room anymore. Rarely does anyone visit, so everything just stays the same, sad, no life.
No TV switched on, no mugs to lift at end of the night.
One cup, one plate, one fork always.
No more banging on bedroom lfoor to tell me to turn the soundbar for TV down. Its crazy the things you miss & will never ever get back.
Wish I could tell my husband how desperately sorry I am for not being kinder, more loving, more understanding. Too late now

[Sophie26]

I speak to my Sunny every day too, and kiss his photo on the mantlepiece etc etc etc.
Today on my phone I got one of those “this time last year!” reminder things from my gallery. I shouldn’t have clicked on it as it was photos of him that I took on Porthcurno beach in Cornwall exactly a year ago. We were in a lovely little cottage all week and so cosy and happy together. I miss him so much, hate my new reality. Im still off sick from my stressful job and am having to explore alternatives. It’s all so exhausting and I’m feeling pretty low today. I’ve had no call or text today either.
Love to all
Sophie x

[MAB]

Just thought I’d share

‘No I’m not okay’

I’m wide awake, I’m sleep deprived, don’t say I’ll be okay. My broken heart slowly dies, a little more each day. So please don’t ask me how I am, if you’re expecting me to say. That I’m all good, I’m doing fine, ’cause no, I’m not okay. My heart is tearing through my chest, my eyes are red and sore. I’m in such a mess, I cannot think and I’m not who I was anymore. I’m not thinking you don’t understand, or you haven’t been here as well. Just don’t say they’re in a better place, when I’m living in this hell

This is one of my favourite poems and says exactly how I feel sometimes x