Sudden Death

My dear husband died suddenly and totally unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. He was only 66 . We were sitting up in bed watching TV at 11pm when he just suddenly decided to get out of bed, possibly to use the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and said he felt dizzy and then just collapsed to the floor on his knees. We had been chatting minutes earlier. The paramedics arrived within 7 minutes, and the ambulance about 15 minutes later, but despite everyone’s best efforts he was pronounced dead after an hour in our bedroom. I still cannot really believe he is no longer here. We had no idea he had heart trouble or anything else for that matter. He had everything to live for and we were so looking forward to the future growing old together and joking that one day in the future our only grandson, 3 years old, would be calling on us after school saying ‘Granddad, can you lend me a fiver’. I and my two grown up daughters are just devastated by his loss. I can’t seem to come to terms with what has happened. I miss him so much and am angry that we never got a second chance, ie why couldn’t he have had a mild heart attack that he survived and got better with proper medical care. If only I’d have known he was going to leave me so cruelly I would have held him tighter and never let go. I just want him to put his strong arms around me again and tell me everything is going to be alright, just like he used to.
I’m not even sure what I’m hoping for by writing all this. I suppose I’m looking for someone else to say they know what I’m going through. I feel like this is a miserable, cruel world and it’s just.not fair that he should be taken from me at such a young age. He looked so fit and handsome, certainly not like someone who was going to drop dead. I can’t bear the thought of spending the next 10, 15, 20 years without him. I am not suicidal, I just feel cheated and wonder what the point of it all is.

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Hello my heart goes out to you.
My husband Phil died totally unexpectedly on 24/11/2021. He was out cycling in the evening when I got a knock on the door from the police. Phil was treated at the roadside by the air ambulance team but they couldn’t resuscitate him. He too was 66 and was the fit one! Though concerns about blood pressure had just been raised a few weeks before the medical profession were not unduly concerned.
Our two adult children are devastated. We have one joy in our lives to look forward to as our daughter expects her first baby in March but that will be so bittersweet as Phil would have made a fantastic Grandad. One of the joys of his week was teaching children to ride bikes starting of with the tinies on balance bikes.
The feeling of being cheated out of the lives we had anticipated can feel overwhelming. Al I can say it is so recent for you and the pain you are experiencing seems unbearable but you will bear it. I can’t say how but honestly you will. I’m nine months into this life that I didn’t want and I can say it does become more tolerable. Though I have to say I don’t really know where I’m going in this new lonely life but I will find joy if but for nothing else than to honour Phil he was a happy smiley person loved the simple things a beer a bike ride a glorious sunset.
Sorry for meandering on, I honestly like everyone here shares your grief and pain. Holding you hand on this incomprehensible journey
With kind thoughts
Jan

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Thankyou, Jan, for being so kind to share your story and giving me encouragement. I am sorry for your loss. 66 is just too soon. Only the week before my husband had said he thought he would live til 83! We were just not prepared for this. We were married 43 years and I thought we were going to be one of those couples who celebrated their diamond wedding together and bickered about silly trivial things all day long. How wrong!
I wish you all the best for the birth of your grandchild in March. I hope he/she will bring you joy, and I hope you will continue to overcome and find happiness again.
Warm thoughts
Madeline x

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Hi Madeline
You are not alone. My hubby died whilst out running. He was 49. I am 40 and dread the rest of my life without him. Our children have lost their hero and I have lost my complete world.
There are no words, and the pain is unmeasurable. We had the whole of our lives left, and to watch the kids grow up, marry, have children. He always said how much he would love to be a ‘Pappy’ one day. It breaks my heart.
You are not alone on this journey. This group has helped me immensely, knowing I am not alone has given me some strength to try and get through every day without him. Like Jan said we get through this for our loved ones, and that’s how I see it. I have to don’t for him and his memory. In his honour. Everything I do is for him and the kids, at it will always be that way for me now.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Sending lots of love xx

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Hi
I lost my husband suddenly on holiday we where just having a early evening walk at sewesby near Bridlington.
He loved the cliffs we sat down on the bench watching cricket l just heard him say “I feel” l looked at him and he had stopped breathing.
I screamed and passers by helped me get him on the ground and helped me do CPR.
He was still unconscious when he finally got to Scarborough hospital.
He finally died ten days after. I understand what you are going through this is the second time I have lost some one l love our daughter died in 2006 .
To lose Geoff at 65 was a double blow he had one year to go before retiring and we had so many plans. If it was not for my autistic son l would not keep going.
We always promised each other that if anything happened to either one of us the one left would keep going for our son. But it’s hard and lonely

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I’m so sorry. Its heartbreaking xxx

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Thank you Madeline for you kind words too
As I said I’m holding your hand tightly ( that’s what a lovely friend of mine texts me every night) and of course everyone else who reads this
Here for you x

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What a lovely message for your friend to text as that is what I’m sure we all miss………
X Julie

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My heart goes out for you for this sudden loss of your soulmate. While I was reading your post, I couldn’t believe the similarities. You’ve written almost exactly the same words that I said when I lost my husband, also from a heart attack, suddenly and unexpectedly, 22 months ago. He thought it was indigestion, stomachache, nausea, vomiting. No previous warning signs, no heart problems, fit and healthy, he was only 57 and we were both ‘young at heart’. I feel at least thirty years older than what I am now.
So, yes, you have found others here who know what you’re going through. It is comforting to share our thoughts together, knowing that we are being understood, without being judged, we all relate to each other.
To be honest with you, I still live in disbelief, just can’t believe that this has really happened.
I also keep asking why couldn’t he have survived? So many do, why not him?

I hope you will feel a little better, being able to release some of your pain here ‘talking’ to us. Sending you strength, take care of yourself.

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Hi Faylou, thank you for your comforting words. I am so sorry that your loss was at such young ages. I feel your pain, I really do and here I am bemoaning my 66 year old husband being taken so soon and I am 64., when your husband only 49 and you 40 - that really is so cruel. My heart goes out to you and your children and I hope you can see a brighter future ahead of you.
My heartfelt wishes
Madeline

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Oh Jeanine, thank you for your story. I know your pain of losing your husband in such a similar way, but I can’t imagine the additional pain of having lost your daughter as well. You are such a strong woman to be caring for your autistic son. I wish you well and know you will find the strength to continue. So unfair that you have had to endure such pain. My thoughts are with you.
Please take care and thank you so much for reaching out to me when your burden is so much greater.
Madeline

Thank you Solost, your words are very comforting.
I know exactly what you mean about aging 30 years as I suddenly feel like an old woman in just 3 weeks. My husband, too, complained of constant indigestion for years and always had Rennies on him. If only I had recognised that as a warning sign, but like you, when they appear otherwise fit and healthy you tend to overlook things. The “if onlys” keep playing over and over in my head, but I know they are futile now. But what I find most difficult is the constant disbelief. I keep thinking he’s going to walk back in and tell me it’s all been a terrible joke. And the constant aching, of course.
Thankyou for taking the time to offer me kind words. I must say that I have taken comfort from all of you who have taken time to offer me comfort and hope. It really does help.
I hope you can find a brighter future too.
Thankyou
Madeline

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Dear Madeline

I can relate to this - my husband died unexpectedly whilst out running on 13 August and am struggling to believe its happened. As far as we were aware he had no heart issues. He had had some chest tightness so I sent him to the Dr’s and they did an ecg and his blood pressure which were fine and they said they would do bloods in 10 days time ( no earlier appts) by which time he had died. He also had some pins and needles in his arms and had tried to raise it at first appt but been told could only raise one issue and to make another appt. He went back and was told it was carpal tunnel. I think he could still be alive if the gp had joined the dots and am waiting for his post mortem report so I can book an appt with the gp to understand more. I wish I had gone with him to the gp as I am haunted with if onlys. The bottom has fallen out of my world and I miss him so very much. I knew I loved him and he was the centre of my world but didn’t know just how much until he was gone .

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Oh jsg I really feel for you. To have sought medical care beforehand and not received the right support is truly awful. I’m not sure I could have got my husband to the doctors even if I tried, but what I do know that 10 days before his death I had emergency surgery for kidney stones. The stress he endured trying to convince our GPs receptionist that I was seriously ill and needed a doctor was overwhelming and I do think it played a part in his demise. Then on top of that having to drive 25 miles to hospital and having to wait hours in A&E with me was additionally stressful for him. And when I was finally seen by professionals being asked why I hadn’t sought help sooner. I know that going through all this stress and worry couldn’t have helped him, especially when they kept me in hospital 3 days. I keep blaming myself that if this hadn’t happened he wouldn’t have worried himself to death. And so I think the local GP services are abysmal and not good enough. So my heart goes out to you that you sought medical help for your husband and you were both badly let down. I do hope you will find some answers. I know what you mean when you say the bottom has fallen out of your world. I do hope you will find comfort and support here, just like me.
Thank you for taking the time to share with me.
Warm thoughts
Madeline

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Thankyou for your kind words.
You are both still so young. The pain is no different, for any age. A sudden death is a massive shock to us all. It’s just so heartbreaking that we have to go through this horrible pain.
My thoughts and love go out to everyone. :heart:

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I am just shocked to read all these sad stories that are totally in line with my experience. It is just so devastating and sad. X

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Before I have a good cry, I want to give you all a big virtual hug.
May we all find peace and comfort, however impossible that may seem now.

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I am so sorry for your loss. my husband died in front of me nine months ago
still reeling from the shock of that

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Thank you Madeline
I am not strong believe me some days I have to drag myself to work.
But l think of Geoff (hubby and my daughter) looking down at me. I know it’s daft but l just hope they are together xx

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Hi Madeline so sorry about your loss I lost my Husband 5 weeks ago he was on his way to work and had a heart attack, paramedics got him to hospital but he had 5 more and didn’t survive the last one, I didn’t get to say goodbye or tell him how much I love him, he was only 48 we had just spent two years fighting for our granddaughters in court, which we won and they had moved in with us in January, I just don’t get it after everything we went through for him to only have a few months with them, I feel so cheated and angry we had so many plans, I feel like I’m living another life it’s really strange I feel lost, luckily I have my granddaughters and daughter to keep me going but some days are really hard, how long is it before it properly hits you because I don’t feel like it has for me yet.
Thanks
Tammy

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