Oh no, life can be so harsh. I’m really sorry to hear this. There aren’t really any words that can help make this feel any better but please know I’m thinking of you xx
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I am so sorry to hear this. It is truly heartbreaking.
Xxx
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We all in this group feel exactly the same. And we handle it the best way we can. As there is no formula or handbook on the process of grieving. Eddie
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I’m so sorry for your loss , I understand what you are going through On the 16th Aug my husband Paul died suddenly and totally unexpectedly at home , he was 58 .
We’d had a normal day together , just pottering around doing normal stuff at home , he wasn’t unwell , everything was totally normal . We’d just eaten and I was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher and he was sitting in the sofa getting ready to take our dog for a walk , when he just said Rebecca I don’t feel well . I went to him and asked what was wrong and he just said really calmly , I can’t breathe call an ambulance. I called them and while I was on the phone he started making this horrible kind of grunting noise , I screamed for someone to come and help me and our eldest son came running downstairs. He was distraught, telling his Dad over and over again that he loved him , at that point the paramedics arrived . They got him in the floor and did chest compressions for about 20/30 mins , but then told me they were going to stop as he was gone .
All this time I was there in the same room but our four children were in another room scared and crying .
I sat on the floor with him and held his hand until the undertaker’s arrived to take him away .
I Just can’t understand why he was taken , so suddenly and without any warning.I just don’t know how I can live without him , he was my everything. We’d been married 26 years but together for nearly 30 years . Our children are 21 , 20 , 15 and 12 and all still at home .
The future we had was instantly wiped out and I didn’t even get to say goodbye before he collapsed, I just can’t bear the pain and I can’t stop crying .he was my best friend as well as my husband.
I’m so so sorry you are going through this hell , there’s no pain like it
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I’m so sorry you are going through this too, @Rebeccaclaire.
I couldn’t agree more that there’s no pain like it.
As I said on another post, I feel lucky in a way that my husband was not at home when he died suddenly and without warning as we didn’t have that horrible, helpless feeling of not being able to help him. The regret that brings though is that I couldn’t hold his hand and tell him how much I love him. It was just a normal kiss goodbye as he went out to play football.
Take each moment of each day as gently on yourself as possible. Like me, you have your children to think of too, which can both help and hinder.
Sending love. xxx
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Hi
I’m sorry for everyone’s loss. I lost my mum suddenly a few days ago. I just stumbled across this site and thread and felt like I wasn’t alone, even just for a minute.
I’m not posting under my real name, if that’s okay.
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So so sorry for your loss I have no words to express how much I feel for you and your family.
In an earlier post I said how my husband Phil died whilst out cycling on 24 th November last year. Like Karen I too do not have the feeling I should have done more as I wasn’t there. By the time the police got me to where he was being treated in the road he had gone. But the not being able to say anything to him even just to say I loved him is something that will be with me for ever.
Your pain is raw at the moment, so all consuming. I think saying that it gets easier is wrong but I will say the overwhelming paralysing pain does change, it will become bearable on some level.
Kind thoughts to you and holding your tightly ( a dear friend still sends me that text daily)
X
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Hi @Rebeccaclaire, my heart goes out to you. Your description is practically the spitting image of what happened to me. We had also been together 26 yrs, married for 25.My husband was only 57,fit and healthy, we’d had our Sunday lunch as always, everything absolutely normal.
In the afternoon, he suddenly said to me he wasn’t feeling well, started having stomach pains, nausea, vomiting, seemed like a bad case of indigestion. I found him on the bathroom floor a few minutes later, I screamed for my son to come down, he was so shocked that he cried out to his unconscious dad: “Dad, come on, you’re joking, aren’t you?”. My daughter tried cpr on him while we waited for the ambulance. They arrived quickly but they could do nothing.
I understand what you’re going through, you’ve done the right thing joining this very friendly group, I hope you will find comfort in sharing with others here who are sadly experiencing the same loss.
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Hi @Lila,
Whatever you wish to call yourself on here is fine.
You will hopefully find people who will understand what you are going through, which in itself is supporting. You can express any feelings you have here and know that you won’t be alone.
Sending love to you at this very difficult time.
Karen x
Thank you Karen,
Right now I just feel a mixture of panic and numbness. I don’t understand how I can feel nothing at times. We’ve not even had the funeral yet and I am able to sit and watch tv.
She died in similar circumstances to a lot of the posts here - a sudden heart attack at 65. I tried to save her but I wasn’t quick enough and I didn’t try hard enough. She hadn’t been feeling well and I kept dismissing her telling her she’d be okay. The guilt will forever haunt me, and I feel like I need to feel more pain as punishment.
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@Lila what a horrible feeling for you but your Mum would not blame you I’m sure. We can each only do in life what we think is right at the time. Hindsight may mean we think we should have acted differently but none of us is perfect.
My one daughter and I did watch TV and do some normal things even though we felt numb. The other daughter has a learning disability and needed normal life to continue so she went out. We couldn’t leave the house.
Time will change how you feel, each moment of each day is different for me. My husband died suddenly, whilst away from home but I know the Dr with him (a friend from the football group he was playing with) could not resuscitate him. If a Dr can’t help a very fit 60 year old man with no prior heart problem there could well have been nothing anyone could have done for your Mum. Do try and make peace with yourself. xxx
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Thank you, and I am so sorry for your loss too. It sounds a horrible thing to say that it helps that others have gone/are going through the same thing, because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I hope people know what I mean when I say that.
I have such a mix of emotions about the way my mum died and the events in her life leading up to it. It’s far too complicated to explain in a short post, but for now it sort of helps to read that some of what I am feeling isn’t so unusual. A lot of the comments from others here have described it perfectly. Things like pushing images out of my head because it hurts too much right now, but then being terrified that I’m pushing her away, or that if I do that I will not remember all the details of her. So far I haven’t had that experience of being collapsed on the floor unable to function, and I don’t know what is wrong with me.
I have never posted online about anything before. I’m relatively young, but not all that into technology or forums. I was just googling how I was feeling (or not feeling) and came across this thread. I found myself signing up before I chickened out of it.
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I’m exactly the same due to age.it is good to be able to express your feelings nowing that everyone on this group/forum understands exactly how you are feeling, as we have all gone through it. Regards Eddie
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I totally understand what you are going through. And it’s good that people in this group understand also, most are in the same position as yourself and completely will try to help you with their experiences and goings on. So please don’t feel alone. Eddie.
I totally agree. Eddie
Mine was completely different as Frances passed in the lounge and I was in the kitchen printing the labels for the Christmas cards, as the noise of the printer used to annoy her, when I came back to the lounge to see if she wanted a cup of tea she was gone, I phoned the ambulance and when the paramedics arrived they told me not to beat myself up as Frances was passed. I then went into panic mode as didn’t know what to do without her. The pain is slowly getting easier, it is not going away but getting easier to manage. Many regards Eddie.
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My wife died a year ago.
It is a nightmare and is not getting at all easier.
Most of me died with her.
Pour me another.
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I’m sorry for your loss we are all in the same position as we have to get over grief, but in this group everyone is going through the same situation, but we have to learn to handle it and cope with the individual issues. There is no two situations that are the same. There is no library books for grief, there is a lot of information and consideration and information about how to handle the situation that comes from the group. The sympathy is there for everyone, the compassion is there for everyone.but life has to go on.i hope that this is of interest to you. Love Eddie
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Thanks for your support.
Thank you all , it’s so hard . I just can’t fathom how the world can go on and he’s not in it , it all feels so surreal , like the worst nightmare ever. But I’m glad to have found this place as just seeing posts from people who understands is a small comfort . The fear I feel of a life without my husband is overwhelming sometimes .
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