Hi everyone
This is a forum I never dreamed of joining but yet here I am. My name is Lyn and my partner who I have known since the age of 10, passed away 4 weeks ago. He was (past tense hurts so much), 63 fit and healthy, didn’t smoke and only drank occasionally, we celebrated his 63rd birthday and 3 days later he was gone, died of a heart attack, no warning, he said he didn’t feel well, had a pain in his left arm which raised my alarm and called 999. The ambulance arrived within 10 minutes, he got to hospital, his heart stopped, they did CPR and rushed him in for emergency heart surgery, on life support for 5 days and died.
I cried for a couple of days and then nothing! I can’t comprehend him not being here, it’s like I am frozen in time, covered in a thick fog. We have no children and I have no family and very few friends, the feeling of being alone is excruciating and I feel all my life history has been wiped out as there is nobody now on this planet who has known me all my life. I can’t feel anything apart from a bit of anger, he never got to see retirement, he’s left me to fend for myself and I am terrified. How on earth does anybody navigate this nightmare? Sorry for long post
So very sorry for your sad loss, I lost my beloved husband of 59 years 4 weeks ago, I know what you’re going through. You are in good company here. Everybody knows for real how you feel.
Hello @Sarlyn - firstly, I am so sorry that your beloved has died and so suddenly. This is an awful thing to have happened. We all understand on here - all of us, in different ways, have experienced the shock, bewilderment, fear, anxiety and numbness that you are feeling right now. It has only been a month - such a short period of time. I know what it is like to be left with a whole bunch of big, thorny issues - like a struggling business to sort out when I knew nothing about the detail, a property to redevelop from scratch when I hadn’t so much as organised painting and decorating, a mass of issues around probate. I thought I didn’t know how I was going to handle any of it. Like you, I felt overwhelmed and afraid. I did all I could do - which was to tackle each problem, one bit at a time. It was messy - some things worked out, other things I couldn’t fix and had to let them go. In all of it, my guide was my gut instinct - and it pretty much worked. I had days when I didn’t know what the heck to do - and that was when I took a deep breath and asked for help - and got it, each time. This way, this muddled and imperfect way, got me through to where I am now. More or less sorted out, more or less on solid ground. We all navigate this nightmare, Lyn - honestly we do - sort of because we have to and mostly because we have reserves of strength that we never knew existed because we were never tested like this before. I promise you, my friend, you have these reserves and that you, too, will get through this. I didn’t think I could cope, I didn’t think I would figure stuff out but I did. And you will, too. Give yourself credit for getting to week 4. There is someone on the planet who has known you your whole life, and that is you - special, lovely and brave you. The you who has got you this far, the you your partner loved so much and who, I believe, loves you still as my late husband loves me. So hold on, hang in there, trust your gut, take the jump, and you will land safely. You have a whole new bunch of friends on here now, friends who understand completely how you feel and who are your cheerleaders as you make your way through each day. It will be ok. Even though it sure doesn’t feel like that right now, trust me, it will. Time for a cup of tea, a biscuit and a pat on the back, my friend. We have got you, try not to be afraid. xx
What a lovely response, full of hope, thank you, it helped me too - I only lost my lovely husband on 4th March, his funeral is tomorrow.
Thank you, I’m dreading it -
@Sarlyn Dear Sarlyn, I am so sorry to hear about your partner. You must be in total shock, like you say , you are feeling frozen and covered in a thick fog. It is a pathway that none of of want to be on but have found ourselves walking on it.
All I can say to you is to let every emotion flow and go with how you feel as there is no right or wrong.
I thought there was something wrong with me as at first I could not stop crying, every little thing would make me cry. I worried that I would die of a broken heart and no one would find me for days. I dreamed of my husband coming to get me and we would walk off hand in hand. I would look back at the house, shrug and walk off happy leaving the whole lot behind. I didn’t know where to look or go for help. I found this site by accident and as soon as I started reading other people’s stories I realised I was experiencing normal grief and was like so many on here, just normal.
It is so new for you, so lonely but keep on reaching out on here as you are among friends who will help you and be with you all of the way.
Sending strength and love xxx
@BigL, I will be thinking of you tomorrow, My husbands funeral was only a week ago. Sending love and hugs xx
I can’t add any more than the lovely comments that are on here. I lost my husband 9 weeks ago suddenly but peacefully at 62 in his sleep of severe artery disease. No symptoms. I’m still in shock. My son had to do CPR to no avail. Your emotions will be all over the place. Some days numb some days angry. Sad all the time and shocked. Just take one minute one hour one day at a time. You will get sorted with things but don’t look too far ahead. I do that and it doesn’t help. Thinking of you and go easy on your self. It’s a hard journey but so much support on here. x
Thank you for such a warm, compassionate response, I can feel your words come right from your heart and I’m so sorry for your loss too and for taking time to offer such lovely words of support during your own journey of grief
Thank you and so sorry for your own loss. It’s so awful isn’t it?
Thank you so much
Thank you, I feel like I am in a tumble dryer, being shaken and thrown about all over the place and wrung out to dey
@Sarlyn -it is really hard, it really is. All of us here know this and that’s why all of us are here for you, for me, for all of us. This is a super power, my friend! Plug yourself in xxx
Hi @Sarlyn
Firstly I’m really sorry you have the need to join here but glad you have found us. You will find, as you have already seen, there are some wonderfully supportive people here who understand what you are going through.
I too lost my 60 year old, seemingly totally fit and well, husband last April when he went out to play his weekly football, suffered a coronary embolus and died less than two hours later.
To say I was in shock is an understatement so I understand where you are at this time with that aspect of what has happened. The disbelief will catch you for quite a while I’m sure and I know some people find that when that begins to ease off the grief can hit harder so don’t despair if that happens.
It was 11 months ago yesterday that I lost my darling husband and whilst I do still cry, sometimes without warning, I also smile and laugh and am making a life.
Your partner is such a part of who you are he will never be truly gone while you are still alive. Think about how much of the way you live your life has been influenced by him and your life together. I know a lot of the ways I have of doing things changed and were moulded to our intertwined lives. I also know I will carry on doing a lot in the same way and live my life to carry on his legacy. I intend to look after all he cared about and created to the best of my ability. In this way he still inspires me so has an effect on both my life and this world.
Sending you love
Karen xxx
I’m sorry you’ve had to join this club. My partner died suddenly on 29th Jan. My partners funeral was 2nd March. You can do it. You will find that hidden strength. I keep a diary to write down everything I want to tell my partner. I find it helps. I wrote to him most days. 8wks for me today, didn’t think I’d get here, but I have. Keep going, just put one foot in front of the other. That’s all you can do for now.
One step at a time is all you can do right now. 8 weeks for me and some days, I don’t know how I got through them but I did and you will too. There’s so many of us here to listen and support you. Let it all out when you need to. Ali
Big hugs for tomorrow and I hope you are surrounded with lots of love and support