Hi Debbie i also have flashbacks im going on friday first session (arranged by my doctor) maybe its something you might do ? Colin
Hi Debbie, know just what you mean about being so down for no reason. Will it ever go away ? I think we just learn to manage better love. My husband died suddenly in May and I have times where I think I am coping well and then itās as if someone hits me with a cricket bat. I am still trying to find a way to just get through meal times. We used to talk over everything at dinner now the silence kills any appetite stone dead. I have kept up the swimming , it is hard to swim whilst crying but at least no one notices ! I have to struggle against being agrophobic , I so hate being a āā1āā.
My son gave me a meditation app. ( am not a hippy ) and I am listening for 10 mins a time and in a way it helps. It says to accept the pain, just let it gopast knowing it is still there , not try to put it right, if that makes sense. I suppose I feel less guilty for crying.My house seems so cold, no matter how high I put the heating on. This seems cold comfort to you but My heart goes out to you and all the others, living the life we have been left with and I do get comfort from the fact that others do actually know what I am going through and I do hope you do & everyone else does too. Just reading these posts makes me realise how many people out there are crying. It makes me feel heartsore. Do hope you are feeling less low today.
Hi there, thank you for that lovely message and my heart goes out to you too. We are in a similar timescale in our loss, my husband died April last year. It seems to get harder as the time goes on as the reality of our new lives hits home like a ton of bricks. Itās almost an overwhelming panic of what the future holds. Iāve had my swim today and the tears were flowing just like yours. We did so much together it literally hurts being a ā1ā as you say. Iām like you and have to force myself to do everything these days. I could happily hide behind close doors everyday if Iām honest. I think the app makes perfect sense and hope it gives you some form of release. Itās so weird saying this but talking to you all on this site in the last few days has been of some comfort knowing there are many of us on this sad journey and it didnāt just specifically target me! Hope you are having an ok day today and I hope we can all keep talking and try and support and comfort each other. I feel like I finally have a little āfamilyā that truly understands our loss. Take care for now. I will always listen if you ever need to talk.
Debbie x
His Colin
Sorry for your loss, there are far too many of us grieving sadly. Iāve thought about counselling and as yet have avoided it. But Iāve been in touch with cruise bereavement recently and am seriously considering giving it a go. I hope you find it helps you in some way. Good luck and at least we know we can all voice our felling on this site.
Debbie
Hi Debbie and everyone what a nightmare we are all in.The pain just does not go away I cried so much yesterday that my neighbour came round,it was 2 in the morning i wasnt aware of this until she told me, I had been crying for hours.I had to write a letter to my husbands work as so many from his company came to the funeral and Iām in tears again.I dont want life to go on as normal I stay behind closed doors as often as I can when I go out Iām a mess locked myself out again and had to call locksmith
I have done this twice now.I have been thinking g of things to do but not managed anything yet,itās good that you go swImming Debbie itās so good for you,im not a very good one myself .Dave glad that you seem to be finding ways to try and cope an y luck with the meet up groups,good luck Colin with your meeting with councilor.Thinking of everyone else on.This is so hard to deal with.Debbie
Hi Syklark, just read about you locking yourself out. Iām the other way , I go round and round the house to check everything; even come back from the end of the street to check again. I am becoming compulsive . Going to bed is the same, over and over.We are all finding it so hard to do things we took for granted as a pair.
My daughter in law keeps finding me things to do and join , bless her but she doesnāt understand that I can only cope with things that only take a little time. I have signed up for guitar lessons , only half an hour, to please her and who knows it may help.
You will find your own way love, and donāt worry about the crying, weāre all doing it and how else can we cope. I did think of smashing my husbands greenhouse to bits but then I thought of the mess Iād have to clear ! Thoughts are with you love.Hope today is more bearable.
Thanks for getting back Debbie. It does bring comfort to know someone else actually does understand. Hope you are coping today. I dread the weekends because we did so much together then .Take care
Hello fleurandme,thank you for replying to me. That so sweet of your daughter in law trying to find you things to do but understand you can only do things in your own time she only has your interest at heart im sure you know this. Guitar lessons sounds therapeutic,I played the piano once not for long so Iāve have to start from scratch if ever i take it up again.regards you smashing your husbands greenhouse Iām glad you didnāt as you might of regretted it,but I did something simular,we had a lot of bottles to recycle and I went outside and smashed the lot up when a relative upset me I was lucky I didnāt cut myself as I was throwing the bottles around like a wild woman.hope the guitar lessons help you to cope along this journey that we are on.take care
Hi Debbie
Sorry for your loss my wife passed away October suddenly from a heart attack age 63.My heart goes out to you and all what your feeling that overwhelming feeling of panic and no going back I didnāt realise there was so many tears in me until now .Like yourself found swimming a help felt more motivated and, fights the depression.
The guy that did the funeral came to my house a week before and wanted to tell him about my wifeās life.He is a clairvoyant does councilling and healing so am going to visit him in a week at his house.I am a believer in afterlife and reincarnation so hoping this will help.l respect other peopleās views on the subject but hope this helps .take care Steve
Hi, never thought of smashing the bottles ! something to bear in mind when things are really bleak. You are right about the greenhouse; my 5 year old grandson loved being in there with Paul and so he is going to help me this year. The seed catalogues are arriving now and we had such pleasure choosing what to grow . They make me cry. But then what doesnāt make us cry these days ? I canāt imagine another summer without him. So many happy moments we have all had but it is really , really hard to concentrate on those instead of this awful mess.Like school reports , must try harderā¦
Hi Steve
So sorry for your loss. There are so many of us it seems on this unwanted journey. Each new day seems to get harder, not easier. Itās the reality that you are never going to see your loved one again. I keep thinking āwhatās the pointā in anything anymore. Swimming is a small escape and Iām glad you also find that. Good luck with the clairvoyant. Iām very open minded on the subject. I hope you find some comfort with it.
Debbie
Feeling very low tonight. There is something about weekends that makes it harder! Hope you are all doing better than me x
Oh Debbie how right you are, weekends are so terrible Iām with you all the way on that one. Not sure if itās the time of year or just a stage in our grieving my friend but just lately for me has been terrible as well.
Hope all is well and at least a bit more manageable for you soon.
Take care and always here for a chat if you wish
Dave
Iām sorry itās been hard for you too. Weekends are painful. My Andy and I used to start Saturday with a full English while watching Saturday kitchen . And then by lunch he would drive to see his beloved football team. Wherever in the country they were. And then I couldnāt wait for him to get home so we could enjoy a cozy Saturday night in or out together! As Iām sure you did as well. What a pile of shit this new life is ! And my husband was one of the gentle football fans. He didnāt drink, just love the game ā¦ x
Debbie, oh yes June and I used to have breakfast, would have been boiled eggs mostly and sometimes in bed and as you and Andy watch Saturday Kitchen, not so good now is it now James Martin not on it.
We would then go shopping go out or just do something in the afternoon and even been on weekends away shopping and watch the odd live game of football, who was your Andyās favourite team ?
And yes June and I would be out for dinner or maybe visiting our daughters or with friends and also just cuddling up on the sofa watching TV.
Yes life certainly is a pile of shit and canāt see a way out of it to get some sort of life back.
Dave
Our losses are all so similar! The simple things you just take for granted! I feel for you I really do. My Andy was the most devoted Afc Wimbledon fan there ever was. He supported them from day one and look how well they are doing now! I watch it for him now and it breaks my heart . We were both second time marriages and obviously he was from Wimbledon. I feel so lucky still that he came to Kent to be with me, I miss him so much I could scream
Debbie, yes parts of our losses are similar. I guess your Andy saw his beloved Wimbledon lift the FA Cup in 1988 in that famous win over Liverpool, something I havenāt done with Newcastle who I follow. Yes they have sunk a little and are in same league as Peterborough my local team and around mid table with them.
Such a lovely romantic story of love and affection of settling down in Kent. June and myself were married in our teenage years and had a happy marriage of 33 years we come of different towns but only a few miles away and lived locally all our lives.
Oh Debbie how I know how you feel so much I scream and shout at life being so unfair some days and nights and your loneliness and missing your beloved Andy is certainly a pain that none of us ever thought we would have so early in our lives.
My heart goes out to you take care Dave
You pull my heartstrings understanding football ! . Especially afc . Thank you. Iām here if you need an ear ! Iām off now to babysit my lovely niece and nephew so chat again soon . Have an OK night
Hi my husband a I used to have scrambled eggs for breakfast on a Saturday morning we too would either go shopping or a long walk my husband loved the outdoors he was a real nature lover,he would also take me to the garden centre (even though he wasnāt keen on this)but he enjoyed having a cappuccino there in the cafe.Iām glad itās winter and I can hide away with my memories Iām dreading the lighter days as I wonāt be able to hide and i feel that I will have to face up to all that has happened if that makes sense.I have pains in my chest that wonāt go away Iām just hurting so much and so sad.he gave me cuddles everyday even when we went out,which was a bit embarrassing at the time what I would do for them now
Skylark, that used to be something June and I would do as just up the road at Dobbies they have a cafe or we would be in town at Costa, our choice was latteās but Iām like you Skylark people tell me itās the dark nights that are worse and itāll get better when the clocks change but Iām not so sure Iām like you.
With regard to your chest pains not sure how long it has been for you since your loss but I had chest pains and ended up in hospital overnight in early November which was 10 weeks after June passed and my doctor and counsellors said that this was normal grieving symptoms as they found nothing wrong with my heart, blood pressure etc after all the test I had. They told me make sure you release your grief donāt bottle it up, which like me Iām sure you are as it will help your health so they tell me in the end.
Oh June and I used to cuddle and we would have the occasional kiss in public nothing wrong with showing your love for each other and like you how much Inwould love for even one last cuddle and kiss from June.
Hope this has helped you, take care Dave