Sudden loss

Hello @Wong ,

I’m sorry you had to join this forum in the first place but glad that you realised you aren’t alone. The same happened to my partner almost 4 months ago at home… I was properly tramautised. I couldn’t sleep and eat much and had panic attacks in shops. You are right that support dwindled over time and life goes on at the normal pace for everyone else while we are taking our ‘baby steps’.

You can ask anything here people are generally quite helpful.

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You comment touched me as I feel the same. I am 48 and this Tuesday (19th Jan 2021), Covid stole my husband aged 53. Im devastated. Our hopes and dreams died with him along with part of me. I feel lost and alone. Does it get easier?

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Dear Misty
I feel for you and heart broken for your loss.
I wanted to say you are still in the initial devastating raw, pain and shock that only someone who has faced this great loss can begin to understand . You will find on here many who do understand and know just what you are going through.
It will get easier, but it takes time, at present you get through each day in such turmoil.
I do hope you have some support around you.
Sadly I lost my darling husband last year, I hate saying last year, I still have bad days and its a hard road. I t will get easier, nobody is the same and you need to go at your pace.
How do I know it will get easier ? well I lost my first husband suddenly at 50 years of age, he was my soul mate and I just wanted to die and be with him.
Never thought I’d be happy again, but I was wrong ,
It never leaves you but becomes more bearable. Facing losing my second husband is like a repeat performance, I feel lost, older and very afraid. Lockdown doesn’t help. But it will get easier in time, at the moment that must feel impossible for you , So wish I could take the pain away from you.
Lean on your family and friends,
Thinking of you with love
Christina x

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Hi Christina
Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply.
I am so sorry you had to go through it twice. My heart aches for you.
Everything you said was spot on. That’s exactly how I feel. I do understand that it’s very raw and like your 1st love, John was my soulmate and best friend.
I just hope I can live my life, in a fashion, that makes him proud. Your message gives me hope
Take care
Nikki (aka Misty) xxx

Your welcome, just be kind to yourself, losing the love of your life is devastating, you’ve also lost the life you had. It will, I promise get easier, bit like a yo yo, but you’ll get there.
Lots of love and understanding
Christina x

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@Wong I know its very different for everybody, but I found the return to work helpful as at least you are around other people. The emptiness of the house is where it really hurts. But you are right everyone else moves on with their lives leaving you surveying the devastation of your life

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@Misty1972 I’m not sure it gets easier, I think you get acclimatised to the emptiness and loneliness. Coming home to a dark and empty house rams the point home everyday

Oh this saddens me. I never expect to get over losing literally the other half of me but I hope i can find peace, enjoy life albeit different and not feel this emptiness forever
How long is it since you lost a loved one?

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@Misty1972 Karen died on the 29 August, twenty one weeks ago.
I usually find being around other people helpful, however before this recent lockdown I met a few friends at a local pub, they were all couples and that was NOT at all pleasant. They all went home with their partners and I returned home alone

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It’s been 6wks for me today when my beloved soulmate only 50yrs had a heart attack and miss him so much.

Sorry for your loss
Yes I can imagine I will struggle with that. A friend and her husband fixed my door lock today (John was too poorly last week to do it) and I had to go for a walk after seeing them together and interacting as we used to

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Yes it’s hard misty and anything can set u off like seeing couples walking laughing together I do feel my mark presence around me and that helps and I do talk to him and beleive their is another place that we all meet again that gives me hope .

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@Misty1972 Thank you
I find walking is good for me. The fresh air, the countryside, nature and it gets me out of the house.
It is still very early for you, I imagine you are still in shock, the shock does wear off to be replaced by the realisation that they are actually NEVER going come back through the door
Be kind to yourself, the first few weeks for me just passed by in a unseeing blur

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@Maxkinahan1 I agree it’s watching couples go by holding hands. We always held hands

Yes RichardM it is hard they will forever hold our hands and love never dies the body did not their soul and will love us till we see them again .

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So sorry
I dread getting to weeks since i lost him. Days are bad enough
I hope you have lots of support x

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Me too
John keeps turning the sky box on in our bedroom. I’m sleeping in our spare room
I find comfort in that too. I hope for us both, it gets easier. Im so glad i took the plunge with this group

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Trying to be kind. I feel like i failed him. I should have kept him safe. If he hadn’t gone into hospital, he wouldn’t have caught covid and he’d be here :broken_heart:

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Yes it will as each day passes and our lived ones would want that for us to eventually love and enjoy life again and live it for them to and one day be able to think of all the happy memories we hold of them and not be so upset.

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I am coming to the conclusion being with people a lot is just as lonely but also means I cannot spend time I’d like thinking about my husband or trying to live bits of our life still which makes me feel even further from him.

Our shared life is slipping away and I don’t feel I can hold onto it. I don’t want this new life. It’s not my life.

Talking with people from this forum helps. My god I miss him so much… I keep thinking if he’d left me would it be worse because then I’d love him and he wouldn’t love me, surely that would be worse but I think then there would be a build up wouldnt there so you’d at least have some warning. This was just an enormous shock, I think I still don’t really believe it. Why didn’t I just die of shock that day as I could not be more shocked if a monkey flew out of my ar$e playing the piano.

I hope you can all find peace, I don’t think I ever will because I was in love with him in a way that wasn’t normal. I think I loved him more than he loved me, I didnt ever want to do other things without him and didn’t have my own life. All my self value came from being his wife. Now I’m just a sack of skin with the bones and useful parts removed, how can I ever enjoy that unless I kid myself (which i’m trying to do but never lasts long).
So sorry for all of us… I think about all your stories a lot too. Sorry I cannot be more encouraging today.

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