I am coming to the conclusion being with people a lot is just as lonely but also means I cannot spend time I’d like thinking about my husband or trying to live bits of our life still which makes me feel even further from him.
Our shared life is slipping away and I don’t feel I can hold onto it. I don’t want this new life. It’s not my life.
Talking with people from this forum helps. My god I miss him so much… I keep thinking if he’d left me would it be worse because then I’d love him and he wouldn’t love me, surely that would be worse but I think then there would be a build up wouldnt there so you’d at least have some warning. This was just an enormous shock, I think I still don’t really believe it. Why didn’t I just die of shock that day as I could not be more shocked if a monkey flew out of my ar$e playing the piano.
I hope you can all find peace, I don’t think I ever will because I was in love with him in a way that wasn’t normal. I think I loved him more than he loved me, I didnt ever want to do other things without him and didn’t have my own life. All my self value came from being his wife. Now I’m just a sack of skin with the bones and useful parts removed, how can I ever enjoy that unless I kid myself (which i’m trying to do but never lasts long).
So sorry for all of us… I think about all your stories a lot too. Sorry I cannot be more encouraging today.