Lost the love of my life 5 weeks ago at 52 from a massive cardiac arrest. I had been with him in the hospital for the hours before when he was convinced that back pain was due to his job as a plasterer and years of degeneration. He had been joking in the hospital with me, telling my he loved me
, telling me to tell our family he was OK. On the way to cardiac care in ambulance I told him to try and have a quick nap as he is had been through it
He agreed shut his eyes and less that 30 seconds later it happened
We were already outside a and e when he starting shaking as he laid just beside my chair
They thought he was having a seizure…I moved out of the ambulance to give them room…then I saw it…them shocking him and doing cpr…and I thought to myself this isn’t like in the films…people don’t come back from this type of attack and I wax right
I feel so disjointed
.I don’t know how to be just me.as we had always come as a pair
I assume as you have already signed to this group you have had similar experience…please tell me it does get better… I know it sounds cliche…but I just need to get through the next few weeks
Thanks
Hi Dlt, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and at such a young age, you must all be in shock, I would love to tell you get it gets better, and in some respects it does, you learn to live with it, but you will always love and miss him, I got through the first year by keeping myself really busy and walking my dog in the nearby woods every day, nature helped me, take a day at a time and be kind to yourself, sending love Jude xxx
@Dlt1969 - your story sounds similar to mine. My husband was a builder, fit and strong. He died 15 weeks ago of a stroke, he was 55. No warning and such a shock.
I can’t tell you I’m finding it easier yet. This weekend is particularly difficult - so lonely. I have good family and friends but they only spend short time with me. They can’t fill the massive void left by someone I’ve lived with for 32 years.
All we can do is keep going. Get through each day and hope tomorrow is easier.
I’m not sure I’ve made you feel any better but I just wanted you to know I understand.
Thanks yes so similar being a builder has its disadvantages…must put such strain on body. After 30 odd years it feels so disjointed to be just on my own
I am very strong and quite pragmatic woman so try to look at the positive and think at least I was last person he spoke and looker at.
We had just got a new pup 2 weeks before as we lost our 11yr old lab a few weeks prior and that seemed to hit him really hard…I had never seen him grieve so in all the time I knew him. So I guess this new pup will have to help me get over 2 sudden losses now
Thanks for the reply
I too know how it feels. My husband had a cardiac arrest in 6 days it will be a year. I don’t know how I have managed to get through it. I still cry most days and can’t believe it has happened. It all seems so unreal. One day our lives are ticking along and the next he’s gone. We didn’t even see it coming. No warning I time to day I love you one last time. Keep posting as this forum is my salvation x
Hi
I lost my sons father 25 years ago very suddenly - I felt back then that although it was ok to cry for a bit everyone kept saying life goes on , so that’s what you do and everything’s a blur - and now because I haven’t been able to deal with it all it’s always resurfacing so my advice is don’t listen to those who make you feel guilty for grieving and bring out the cliches - times a healer & life goes on - keep talking about it , feel what you need to feel and dwell on memories of you want and I’ve found some days as time goes on you don’t so much and others you do - so what ? Do what feels comforting and familiar and what gets you through whatever day your in much love
It’s so hard to lose your love especially at our age. My husband was 54,
His cousin has passed this week at 55 ?
You will find your way, there’s no right or wrong way,
Keep sharing and find comfort here xxx
Today I found that I had to remove his picture from the homescreen on my phone as everyone I opened it …he was looking back at me…and it just made my cry again. Did anyone else feel like this…not wanting to feel guilty about taking him off…but realised it was a stimulus to remind me again that he is not here x
I put all my pics away (no mobiles 25years ago ) but recently got sent one by text and the bottom fell out of my stomach - I found not seeing helped because it was more memories in my mind ? Seeing actual real life was hard - don’t feel guilty about doing whatever you feel is comfortable - you don’t erase or forget
You won’t always feel that way, in time you will love looking at photos and one day you will smile.
For me I went the other way, I added his photo to my Facebook profile, my phone home screen, in my purse. Just put up another photo on the wall in our bedroom so I can see him at night
In the early months I cried alot when Iooked at them, but I needed him near me. X 
I lost my son suddenly last June and know how you are feeling…sorry for your loss xx
I did exactly the same thing, I’ve even made little photo tributes to my husband, his glasses are on the wee stand our daughter bought him one Christmas, his whiskey bottle and glass are beside his photo, just little things that constantly remind me of him, not that I will ever forget him, I even had a bear and cushion made from the clothes he last wore!! It just brings me comfort xxx
Hi @Mahi , I’m sorry for your loss, still so new for you.
Yes It does bring comfort to have all their things around, I still have his toothbrush in the bathroom next to mine, dressing gown behind the bedroom door and his walking stick near the bed. I love to be surrounded by him it makes the pain a little easier to bear. xxx
It’s almost two years since I lost my husband, he was admitted to A&E with cardiac problems and three weeks later he passed away on a Covid ward, in those early days visiting wasn’t allowed. Thank goodness I was able to visit for his last hour, I hope he knew I was with him. I find it comforting to have him photos on the wall and my phone and talk to him all the time. I still feel down at times and still get tearful. I dont think there is a right or wrong time for grieving, it’s such a personal experience. Hope this is helpful
Covid restriction made it harder for us all, we couldn’t grieve as we should have been able too.
@Kathq I so pleased you could be with your husband at the end, I was able to do that too. It was important to me and our children to able to comfort him and say goodbye.
The tears never seem stop no matter how long it has been. X X
Yes it’s still raw and I still can’t believe that he’s dead, so I try every day to find something to do, something that will help take my mind off losing him, I’ve decorated the house and completely redesigned the garden and yet I still haven’t got him off my mind 
Thank you for your reply, life isnt great on your own. I have good friends and family but that doesn’t take away the pain of loss. I hope as time passes it will, take care x
We will never forget our loved ones they will never be far from our thoughts, but in time the memories will make you smile.
I do hope so Debbie, we used to video family events and holidays but I dont feel that I can watch those yet. It makes it all too real. x