My husband died very suddenly in January in an accident at home. One minute he was there, next he was in hospital and died shortly after due to the terrible injuries he sustained. Its been nearly 6 months and I get through the day because we have three dogs that need me and I’m keeping very very busy. I know it will never get any better but I don’t believe in wallowing as it is basically sink or swim and I know which one I prefer to do. I have bad days, crap days and ok days.
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Dear lonewife, I also lost my husband suddenly this February to undiagnosed advanced kidney cancer. On Valentine’s Day, I gave him my card and presents and three hours later he was dead. We were about 26 years together and for 15 years and two months married. I am on my own now and have hardly any support from his family and the support from his work colleagues and our neighbours and my friend dwindled quite quickly. I also try to keep busy but since yesterday evening and today is already another cry and sad day. I think we will exist on this roller-coaster for a long time. Some days and nights are bearable, most of the days and nights are just a neverending nightmare. I will try to get counseling but it is nearly impossible to get a doctor’s appointment in our surgery. Do you have any support from your family or friends? Did you try to get counseling? Sending lots of love and hugs.
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That is very sad your situation.
We were together 43 years he would have been 64 next week. Total shock, went into the garage, the jack slipped on the car he was changing the oil on and he died a few hours later.
I am getting a lot of support from a few close friends who have also lost their husbands. One is wallowing a bit so I try to keep her a bit more upbeat. It doesn’t help but I do it too.
I may well go to counselling at some point but I think its a bit too soon.
I’m keeping myself busy. My three German Shepherd rescues have saved me really as I keep going for them now.
I try to meet friends for lunch and also meet my friends in a pub one night a week. I find having stuffing on the calendar each week helps.
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I lost my husband in May 22 very suddenly too. We had been together 47 years. He went on a bike ride, had a cardiac arrest and never came home again, so I do understand what you are going through and how you are feeling.
Now, almost 14 months later I can honestly tell you it does get easier. I won’t say better, I still miss him all the time but you do learn to adapt and live a different life. Go with the flow and ride the rollercoaster of emotions … it happens to us all, but hang on in there. Hugs if you need them x
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I’ve been told by a friend of a friend whose husband died 10 years ago it doesn’t get easier just a different way of living as you say. I’m planning on starting a facebook page for Fylde Lone Wives in the hope a few of us may be able to meet up for a brew nearby to chat. Not yet though.
I am a bit busy at the moment as I’m still dealing with stuff as things keep breaking so as its only me now I have to get people in to help me.
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I know its so much harder doing things by yourself isnt it ? No help from our darling partner. 
xx
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Not sure I understand the end of your post I’m afraid.
What don’t you understand ?
Ah right I just read it again that you are saying we doing stuff on our own with no help from darling partner. Sorry. Read it a bit too quickly. Yes you are right. I miss the bones of my husband and all the things I have to do now on my own or pay ridiculous amounts of money for other people to do.
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I am convinced that my beloved husband helped me to sort out my computer/printer problems. I always panic when it comes down to computer problems because I need my emails etc. I heard his voice and felt his hand on my shoulder telling me to come down and all of a sudden I had an idea and it worked. Maybe it is just my imagination or I just losing my mind but it is not the first time that my husband came to my aid.
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Hi there @lonewife
What a terrible shock for you to lose your your husband in a terrible accident.
I was also told I could sink or swim and it was the best advice I could have had because I decided that I would prefer to swim. Now four years on I think my head is above water the majority of the time.
Dogs are also an amazing help, they seem to understand. I have two rescue of mixed breeding but without a doubt they have helped to heal me. For many years I owned GSD’s, amazing dogs you are very lucky to have them and they will get you through this traumatic time.
Early days for you I’m afraid and it does take time for the shit days to get less. It’s a roller coaster ride for a while expect these times and get through them. Eventually they do become less and less.
Lean on those amazing dogs of yours and keep swimming!!!
P xx
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Thoughtful words thank you.
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Well i was more like thinking i miss doing things with him tbh … xx
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I am so so sorry for your loss.
I lost my husband six weeks ago. It was a tragic accident at home. We’d spent a lovely evening with friends. I came home first with our dog and went up to bed, and he came back a bit later. He lost his balance coming up the stairs and fell and hit his head. He was taken to hospital but we lost him 36 hours later.
The suddenness is so hard to process and the “what ifs” torture me. I can’t bear to move any of his things. I’m trying to take small steps forward every day, but the pain is intolerable.
I have a dog too who has been my saviour. He forces me to get out each day for his walk and gives me a purpose for getting out of bed. We both seem to be waiting for my husband to come home every afternoon, but together we are trying to find a way to survive. My heart goes out to you xx
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So sorry for loss. Another tragic accident leaving those behind in such pain.
My husband was changing the oil. He had the car up on ramps when I saw him at 7.30pm and took him a brew.
I went out at 8.30pm to see how long he was going to be as we were meeting friends in the pub. The car was on a jack then but it had failed an the car had fallen on my husband. The paramedics and police came within minutes. He died around 9.30 at the hospital. Crush injuries.
It’s been 6 months but feels like yesterday.
I feel anyone’s pain who loses a loved so quickly and tragically.
My friend’s husband died three days after mine. He had been ill with cancer for a year. The grief is the same but the trauma of such deaths we have experienced is different.
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Yeh sounds awful for you, such a shock ! Do you think you need one to one counselling ? I think however you lose your husband is awful tbh but i appreciate it must have been so traumatic for you too xxx
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I may look into it at some point in the future
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I lost my husband suddenly to cancer just over five years ago. He died in front of me. I was there on my own in hospital one minute i was talking to him. Then he said he could no breathe, closed his eyes and that was that. It had a great effect on me and only now am i able to deal with life.
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@Mrofe. I am sorry to hear about your husband, but pleased that you are now coping better with your life.
My husband passed away 26 weeks ago, also from cancer and I was with him. I am not coping at all well and feel worse than I did when I first lost him, probably because there was such a lot to get on with. I am a different person and dislike my life now. I am having counselling but I know that nothing will ever be the same.
I miss him so much, the pain is excruciating at times.
Best wishes xx
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I think I know that feeling my husband died Xmas eve from cancer we also have dogs they make me smile every day and they need me good days bad days and very very sad days but I just have to keep going sending hugs to you
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