I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my fiancé suddenly to a fall down the stairs. I’m 57. It is such a shock. I am 5 months in and I go through periods of questioning what ifs and why. It’s like a bad cycle of thoughts.
Im learning to tell myself I can’t find out the answers and I’ll never know. So no point in wasting energy! Works some of the time!!! It’s helpful to have friends point it out as well. I remind myself he loved me to bits and wanted to be with me. It wasn’t deliberate and he would have hated that I am hurting and sad and furious ( all at the same time) !!
You will get through this. Especially with the dog’s help.
Try and remember you had a lovely evening. I said goodbye to A then was due to see him the next day. I hold onto that last time when we were together and thank God for the time we had, even though it was not long. I am better for having been loved by him and loving him.
I’m so sorry for your loss, I feel your pain as I know its the same as mine. I’m getting through the days as best I can. I’m trying not to wallow in the pain and loss as that will do me no good.
My husband used to get annoyed at my optimism sometimes as I’ve never been down in my life and not going to start now.
The shock of losing someone so quickly is unexplainable but it happens to people all over the world on a daily basis. I can see that on here in the posts and in the newspapers I read on line.
The only thing I can advise is to keep busy busy, plan weeks so you have lots in there and force yourself to go out. We loved going to the pub a couple of nights a week. I force myself to go out once a week to meet friends. I love them all but it is something I force myself into each week. I enjoy it when I’m there but its just getting there.
My three dogs have saved me and I advised a friend of mine who lost her husband three days after me to get a dog to walk to get out and about. She has and walks him two or three times a week. She loves it and the fact that dog walkers stop and chat to each other. I think she may even get a dog of her own eventually.
I’ve said it before but its a choice we have to make to either sink or swim.
That’s very true. Sometimes it is hard to get out but just being in the fresh air is good and as you said going to meet friends is good as well.
As you say it happens to people all over the world and it helps to know that we are sadly not alone. It is almost unseen as we are good at putting on brave faces to the world.
I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. How terrible it must of been for you to find your husband. The shock and numbness lasts for a long time then reality kicks in which is like a ton of bricks hitting you.
My husband died suddenly at Christmas time. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. Just 53 years old. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. He died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer. 20 months previously he had 3 meter fall at work and smashed his elbow to pieces which either cause the kidney cancer or masked his symptoms. I miss him so much and have been robbed of our future plans and dreams. Life is so unfair and cruel. Take care and big hugs xx
I am a great believer that some trauma can cause these kind of diseases. Simon had an accident at work many years ago and within 6 months he had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. We asked the cancer specialist if the accident could have caused it. He couldn’t say yes or no but did say the many cases that he has seen of cancer after a traumatic incident. But they can’t link it scientifically. Simon was treated successfully for that cancer but he had to endure radiation. Which I am sure down the line contributed to his diagnosis and then death from lung cancer. Doesn’t help though. I am just annoyed now that if they had bothered to look at his notes from years ago they would have seen he had already had cancer and when his blood markers were high a year before he died they would have done scans. Instead of putting it down to being his Crohn’s disease. If found a year before it would have been slow growing stage 1. So angry
Oh @Hazel.1966 thats just like me ! My husband was in hospital overnight year before too ! He was supposed to have had a scan and they were queries about confusion … and they did sweet bugger all and a year later hes not bloody here is he … ;( xx it upsets me so much ;( xx
Yes I do wonder if the fall contributed to my husband cancer though his consultant who was dealing with his arm/elbow said no that falls don’t cause cancer. I will never know the answer and just too late now. Such a shame that they didn’t keep a eye on your husband regularly after his first diagnosed of cancer. Wish they could put the money into giving you a body scan once a couple of years instead of cancer research as seems more people are getting cancer. Such a shit life without our lovely partners xx
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my darling husband in April last year, also without warning. I was lucky to be with him for nearly 30 years, we met late in life and I think we both felt very blessed. I think pure shock kept me going through the devastation of the early weeks, then all the stuff that had to be dealt with; perhaps, though, our elderly and very needy little dog has helped more than anything. We muddle along together and I think I feel I need to keep going for her. She had terrible times before we rescued her and I really don’t want her to have another loss. Our furry friends are wonderful.
Yep. When he was diagnosed with lung cancer they didn’t do a body scan to see if it had gone to his brain. It had. But he had to go through being confused and not being able to get up without being in pain with his spinal cord. He then had a fall couldn’t get up and I called the ambulance. Then they did the scan. Put him on steroids and the symptoms disappeared, confused and not being able to walk. But he had to suffer over the Easter holiday! Luckily I was home with him. The amount of antibiotics they gave him caused oral thrush. But they didn’t give him anything to clear it up. So consequently he couldn’t eat. 15 days later he was dead. His poor body just gave up. They had only given him months but we didn’t even get that.
Well woth my husband it was cos his kidneys werent working properly causing his confusion sarme with my husband ! Stopped eating ! Omg its so awful isnt it … breaks my heart … my husband too … given 3/4 months but only had 6 week’s !! its just so awful. My counsellor said some of what i feel is shock cos it was so quick … as well as onvoously losibgove of my life at flipping 60 !!! xxx
I haven’t had counselling. I go to groups but no face to face. I was there when he died. He just stood up said he felt sick he was dead before he hit the bed. Nurses and doctors rushing in but he had already gone. I probably am in shock but I can’t be bothered to deal with it. Hopefully PTSD will finish me off soon. I am 57 and as you say life over. Can’t spend another 20 maybe plus years without him.
Please don’t say your life is over, you are so young. I’m 62 and lost the love of my life of 43 years in January. I’m lost some days but keep busy, it does help. Life isn’t over you just need to take a day at a time. It is sink or swim but please choose to swim. He wouldn’t want you to say your life is over would he?
I am sure he wouldn’t. But there is no way he would want to see me in this much pain sat staring out of a window at the garden and hugging his ashes. He was my life. When he was alive I have always thought that any time spent away from him were wasted.
I took early retirement at 58 and did work from home for three days a week before that as I cared for my Dad who lived with us. I spend most of my time with my husband for years and years. It has only been 6 months for me. I have bad days, crap days and ok days but life goes on. Please look at your week ahead and book stuff in. See friends for lunch, if you have no pets take a friend’s dog for a walk. Plan events.
I force myself to go out sometimes but sitting in watching telly 7 nights a week does me no good.
I only have friends as I have no family as such, as the person said above if we feel we can continue so can you.
sarme with my husband ! Stopped eating ! Omg its so awful isnt it … breaks my heart … my husband too … given 3/4 months but only had 6 week’s !!