Is there anyone on here that has had to come to terms with a,sudden loss?
My husband was 53 vibrant, happy full of life and plans for us and our three children.
I went to work one Saturday morning and in the afternoon was called by my panic stricken youngestt son to say that he was on his way with my oldest son to where my husband had been in a crash. It looked serious.
I ran out of work that day and I have never felt such terrifying fear.
It turned out that after collecting my Mum to come for dinner, he had a heart attack and cardiac arrest. He never spoke again. He passed away after 6 days in hospital having been airlifted to Kings college London.
I can’t get my head round his loss at all. I still have palpitations when I think about that day.
I feel overwhelmed at having lost him and unbearable sadness about the things he won’t do.
He laughed about being an awesome grandad one day. He had already planned a speech for our daughter should she ever get married. My heart breaks for my children and I can’t get out from under the weight of this sadness.
How have other people coped. Foes anything make it better?
Hi Crooky1
I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden death of your husband. All death is awful but I think sudden death is so cruel as it robs you of opportunities to prepare and say goodbye.
I lost both my parents suddenly. My dad died aged 53 of a massive heart attack. This was 22 years ago though. But last year my fit and healthy looking mum had a massive brain hemorrhage. She was taken to kings college too, but died the following day never regaining consciousness.
I struggle so much with the loss of my mum. I lived with her and I just expect to see her when I get home from work or to be in the kitchen making us a cup of tea.
I dont think you ever get used to it. Life was normal and then its not. It’s been 15months since mum died and I just take each day as it comes, hoping that one day I can accept what’s happened.
I think it’s all you can do really
Cheryl x
So sorry for your loss.
Yes I just get up each day and try to find a new normal but life seems so strange and out of kilter. I feel detached from the world yet rooted in tasks and routine. I suppose that stops me going completely crazy
I think routine is good but just dont put yourself under too much pressure. You have had an awful shock and trauma. Maybe even some PTSD?
Have you discussed this with your GP?
Yes my GP has been really good and we have accessed counselling for my youngest son
I just can’t believe it’s all happened yet I am able to behave to a degree like we are all ok. Yet inside I feel like I am filled with a gnawing sense of unease.
The human body is very resilient. Just be prepared to have good days, bad days and completely terrible days. Even 15 months on, I have a meltdown about once a week and dont know how I’m going to continue in the world without my mum in it. We were extremely close. She brought up my 13 year old daughter with me and I loved nothing more than spending time with her.
I have accepted that tears will still come and this could go on for years.
I am aware that losing a husband is very different though. There are plenty of women here who you can share your feelings with. You may want to put your post in the ‘losing a partner’ category so you can also speak with women who have also lost their husband x
Hi Crooky1
So sorry for your loss.
I too lost my partner suddenly & unexpectedly in April this year. He collapsed onto me in the bathroom. I had to start CPR but sadly he died that evening in my arms. He had cardiac arrest.
I can’t say if it gets any better ,I am having flashbacks and nightmares. I don’t know how I have got this far, Gordon always said I buried my head in the sand,I think he was right.
Sending you virtual hugs.x
That sounds incredibly difficult. It sounds likevyouvare surviving and coping despite such a huge shock; not burying your head in the sand.
I find myself unable to remove his socks and pants from the drawer if the odd sock tub. I keep thinking he might need them. I know it’s silly because I gave his shoes away but I am stuck with this thought. I guess I will sort it out in time but I just want him to come back.
Crooky1
All of Gordon’s things are where he left them. I can’t bring myself to put them away, even though his daughter has told me I’ve had time to process what happened, sorry but thats a no from me. I don’t want anything touched until I am ready.
I still believe I will wake up from this nightmare and he will walk through the door.xxx
Hi crooky 1first sorry for your loss and everyone else on hear I lost my partner unexpectedly last November it happened when I was at work all I know he managed to phone ambulance due to vomiting blood which was caused by lung cancer which we did not know he had he had been to his gp on the Tuesday and died on the friday did not know anything. Till i got home I’m still in shock not been able to move any of his things just trying to take each day as it comes he was 55 been together 21 years the best thing for me was going back to work thoughts with you
I can totally relate to the way you are feeling. I lost my lovely husband very suddenly he was aged 50 we had been married 25 years and desperately wanted to grow old together. It’s been 17 months and I have learnt so much. The most important thing I’ve learnt is not to expect how to feel as no two says are the same. I cry when I need to cry and rest when I need to rest. Sometimes I feel I am just putting one foot in front of the other but I know he would want me to be strong. I lost my dad three months ago very suddenly again he was aged 68. Life is so cruel sometimes but I take comfort in the fact that they are together and I know they are both still looking after me as I’m sure your mum will be too xxx
Hi Sammy74. I lost my husband John in June from Covid. He was 59. His dad died 4 weeks before him. I too am heartbroken and don’t feel I will ever get over it. He died after 25 days on a ventilator. He had no underlying health issues. Some days I wish I had died so I didn’t have to feel this pain. Today has not been a good day.
Hello,
How I feel for you! My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in the first week of lockdown. He was OK at 9.30 am and dead before noon. He did have Parkinson’s and while that could have contributed to his death, the pathologist found another factor which may not have been discovered. I thought we had perhaps another ten years together. It may not have been an easy ten years as his mobility was becoming increasingly restricted but we went on holiday, to the theatre and cinema and we kept up our serious singing. My husband continued with his archive work and his research interests. The past six months have been a mixture of good days and bad days. Our son is the other side of the Atlantic with his wife and three children. He has a demanding job and, of course, they are subject to local movement restrictions because of the virus. Everyone thinks I’m doing wonderfully and in the scheme of things I probably am. I promised myself I would get up, get dressed, keep normal levels of hygiene and eat regular meals. I’m always suitably dressed and made up for Zoom meetings. It took me a long time to cry but now I cry every day. My eyes just fill with tears and I’m crying now while the cat sits beside me washing her paws. I live not far from King’s College Hospital and my husband was under the care of the Neurology Department there. I am consoled that he died at home and I shall not have to see him in the later stages of Parkinson’s which he would have hated. Your situation is different in that you are younger and so are your children but, please, keep in touch, although it’s hard to sit down and write when you have so many other things to do.
So sorry for your loss and thank you so much for responding.
I found it very disconcerting not to be able to cry and I know it was shock…but it made me feel hollow and broken
inside. Now I can’t stop the tears from coming. I find it all exhausting but I find structure in getting up and dressed and staying in contact with my family and friends.
I feel very nervous about going to work. It fills me with dread.
I’m so sorry for your loss, any loss is terrible but sudden death is heartbreaking, I lost my beautiful fiancé almost 6mths ago suddenly, he went out with the dog and collapsed and died in the street so I sort of understand where you are in your grieving process but everyone is different, I am finding being able to post on here a huge help so I hope you find that it may help you too again I am so very sorry for yours and your families loss, take care and much love xxx
Hi crooky1 four weeks ago today my husband of 33years aged 56 was taken very suddenly. My husband ,son granddaughter and myself went out in the car and had been laughing and generally had a good day.
That evening we watched a little tv and Rob complained of heart burn and took some anti acid , he said it had eased the pain . We went to bed and in the early hours of the following morning he woke up and said he had pain in his shoulder but it was like an arthritic pain , as soon as he got the words out his moth he slumped and collapsed. I dialled emergency services straight away and did CPR on him and he began to breath . To cut a long story short 5 hrs later he passed away in resus with me and our son and daughter by his side. This has been the most devastating shock of my life . We had made so many plans and purchased tickets for various events . There will be a special place in my heart for him and I will love him for eternity . I feel so lonely without him
Oh Kazzer, how awful. I can imagine how that has affected you as I had a similar situation three months ago and I am finding it hard too.
I hope you will find the strength to carry on. Each evening, I think, oh well, that’s another day got through.
You don’t say if you have family or friends, but if you have, please accept any help that is offered.
My thoughts are with you.
Hugs, Ann
xxx