Oh I am so sorry to hear that. You must still be in terrible shock. I think that’s what what I struggle with the most. The way our life changed forever so suddenly. No time to say the things you might have wanted to say. I know we loved each other so deeply and were so happily married but I went out to work so early the day my husband had his heart attack and I relive the ways in which he might have been saved if the day had been different. I hope you have plenty of love and support? I hope you can find the strength to support your children and that someone is there to help you be strong.
Thinking of you.
Ann R I have two grown up kids, my mum and a very supportive family and circle of friends and work colleagues I really couldn’t ask for more they have all been brilliant
When I read your original message, I felt so sad for you and totally missed the fact that you have a loving family. I am so sorry. I am sure you could do without twerps like me misreading your message. Anyway, I am so glad you have such great support. I have too and I don’t know how I would cope without it.
Stay strong. X
I’m sorry to hear of the unexpected death of your husband. My husband died unexpectedly six months ago. I continue to struggle day to day especially as I am on my own in a largish house while my son is the other side of the Atlantic with his wife and family. I’m an only child. My two sisters-in-law keep in touch and so do friends and colleagues but I find the days very long. I’m glad you have support. We all need it. X
Ann R you really don’t have to apologise but thank you so much. Yes I couldn’t have got this far without the support ,I can’t imagine how anyone without family could go through something so hard and tragic . Sending virtual hugs x x
Thank you. Hope things get more bearable for you. Virtual hugs to you too xxx
Hi
I can totally empathise with you, I lost my husband in June very unexpectedly and the shock is immense. I don’t think I’ve processed it yet and every day seems to bring a fresh reminder of what I’ve lost. We had been married for almost 31 years and had retired only 18 months before, I’m just so grateful we got that time together. I’m hoping things will ease and everyone says it’s early days…it feels like an eternity to me . Always remember you’re stronger than you think and braver than you feel.
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It really is the sense of shock that hits me afresh every day.
We had been married 29 years and I truly thought we would make it to 60. The night before his heart attack Mark and I were choosing holidays for our 30th wedding anniversary. I try to be so thankful for what we have had. I am grateful for all the happiness and contentment and our children have been totally brilliant always. I try not to let myself think about what he won’t have but the thoughts about what my children won’t have truly undo me. It’s so hard. It’s pure sadness.
I will keep trying to stay positive. Love and strength to you, for all that you have lost. It’s immense.
Hi Hayley123, I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband and welcome to the site nobody wants to be on… but we’re all thankful it’s here. A sudden or unexpected loss is indeed an immense shock to both the body and the mind. It will take some time to find yourself again. Many people say they are grateful for the time they had with their loved ones and I am too… but I’m also angry at the time we have lost. (Those much younger than me have more to be angry about.)
I’ll take your word for feeling stronger and braver… I’m just not sure about it.
Take care, AL x
@Crooky1 you’re so right, my children will miss out on all the dad things, and I cry for the things he’ll miss out on. Like you we had plans in place and at the minute I can hardly face going out the front door let alone thinking of the future. At 52 I never expected to be a widow, who does. I get up everyday so my boys know I’m trying, and still having one at home helps but I feel so cheated, robbed of a future that he so deserved. Keep going, remember the good times and the memories you created together.
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I am 52 As Well. Mark was 53. It seems so rubbish. My friends husband has terminal liver cancer. He has been havingvtreatment for a year. She put it so well when she said that her situation was no worse and no better than mine ( and yours) but just totally different yet equally awful. That summed it up for me. I know Mark didn’t suffer and I would never have wished that on him ( or anybody) but I am sad beyond my ability to express, just how much I wish for more time .
For me it is the speed at which I lost him, here one minute gone the next, despite the air ambulance and all the paramedics he couldn’t be saved. No last kiss or cuddle, no chance to talk about memories. I’m grateful that we told each other every day how much we loved each other but what I’d give to hear him say it one more time. My aunt lost her husband to cancer but as she said they had time to chat, to sort stuff out, to make sure she was going to be okay when he’d gone, neither of us got that did we so it’s ok to feel cheated; but we also need to be grateful for what they left us as they’ll live on through our children. I try to find a little comfort in that, it’s not much and I’d give anything to have him back but I know that’s not an option.
Hello,
Yes it’s the speed. In my case he was OK at 9.30 am and dead before noon. I hope the last thing I said was, ‘I’m here and I won’t leave you.’ I rather think it may have been, ‘You’re not tangled. You’re imaging it.’ What I thought was panic was probably delirium. The GP assures me that he would have just drifted, as in sleep, because when I phoned I said he was peaceful. It was when I looked back at him, I realised he wasn’t breathing. This is the first time I have written this down, although I have been able to talk about it. X
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It sounds like the last words you said would have conveyed your love, whatever the words actually were.
It sounds like a really frightening experience. I hope you have people that love you close by?
Thank you. I am on my own in a largish house. People are very kind but I’m sure some of them think I should be over it by now. An ex-colleague phones every week and my sisters-in-law check up and, of course, I have Facebook, Zoom and email. My son is in the USA . It would be easier if there was not a pandemic as I should get out more. X
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Don’t you worry about other people, we all deal with things differently and no way is the right or wrong way it’s just what works for us. You can only do the best you can. Keep getting up every day and do what feels right .
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Hi everyone. Feel so sad reading everyone’s messages. My husband died in June of Covid 19. He was on a ventilator for a month. He went into hospital in April and I never saw him again. I wasn’t even allowed to be with him when he died. I don’t think I will ever get over it. I think I have cried every day. Some days I wish I had died. My heart is breaking for all the people on this site. Life seems so unfair. 
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Thank you.
I go to a virtual bereavement cafe every week. I am doing well but the suggestion is that it takes a minimum of two years to reach any semblance of ‘normality’. Bedtime now I think. X
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I lost my fiancé in April and they said he died of COVID but he hadn’t been ill but he collapsed in the street but because they said he was positive for COVID and now he’s a statistic and we don’t get to find out what killed him and we didn’t get to bury him either, so although we are both at different points of grief it’s the answers that are missing that are torture, I kind of understand somewhat of where you are, so sorry for your loss, take care
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Honeybee31 you must be out of your mind wondering what your fiancee really died from. It seems so unfair that he was said just to have Covid without further investigation. Why were you not allowed to bury him (I don’t know much about recent rules) You must be so sad and confused. All any of us can do is get one day over at a time but my thoughts are with you. Keep posting - you will get a lot of support here. Take care of yourself.