My 39 yr old daughter took her own life just 5 weeks ago, leaving her beloved 3 yr old son with caring family members, she left a note of his daily routine and all her bank details, passwords etc and left my house supposedly to visit a gitlfriend in similar circumstances. But instead she drove to a local park, walked miles away from her car to ensure she was not found easily and laid down to die. Next day I raised the alarm and police started their search. All the family and 5 SARS teams searched for 3 days to find her. I knew she was depressed and she was under the care of Mental Health Crisis team after a failed attempt so we believed the new meds and takling therapy, plus family support would help her through as she had so much to live for. But it appears now that she took this time to plan and nothing was going to change her final outcome. I feel so guilty, naive and hopeless that I could not grasp the depth of her illness or see her pain. If only…
Hello @jessie3,
Thank you for bravely starting this thread and reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. There is a very active support thread for members who have lost a child here: Loss of our son aged 27
where our members will understand some of what you are going through. You may want to post there, too.
Losing a child to suicide can be particularly traumatic. I wanted to share these links with you - they offer support to people who have lost loved ones to suicide. Some of this support is peer support, where you can talk to people who have been bereaved as you have.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - http://uk-sobs.org.uk/ 0300 111 5065
- Support After Suicide Partnership http://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/
A lot of our members have found this organisation supportive, too:
- The Compassionate Friends - for families who have lost a child of any age. 0345 123 2304 https://www.tcf.org.uk/
Please do think about getting some counselling for yourself if you feel it could be helpful. Your feelings of guilt and hopelessness are feelings you don’t have to go through alone. Your GP can refer you. We also offer Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat. You can find out more here:. https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling
Take care - keep reaching out,
Seaneen
Dear Jessie, I am so sorry this has happened to your family and so sorry for your daughter.
My beautiful girl also took her own life in very similar circumstances, almost a carbon copy, leaving her beloved boys with requests for their care ‘I know they will be surrounded by love and protected by their loving family. Like your daughter, Gemma had been referred to the Mental Health crisis team. Her GP saw her 3 days before we lost her and says she was the happiest he had seen her … but all the time she was making her plans.
I too have been completely floored by guilt … how did we not know the real depths of her despair? How did we get it so wrong and allowed ourselves to be lulled into false security? How I wish I could turn the clock back and save her. As you said … if only.
Sending you huge hugs this evening xxx
Hi Victoria,
Your kind response brought me lot of relief, I considered myself an open minded and caring mum, we spoke about many things normally not discussed with your mother! I thought I understood her and her issues well but I didnt see this outcome and neither did the professionals!
How are you all doing now, I do hope her boys are thriving again? To think that our girls will never see all those first days, goals, relationships is tragic, what happens to their minds to make them believe this action is the best solution I will never understand…?
Hi jessie3
6 days ago my daughter ended her life. She was 32, beautiful inside and out and had everything but inner peace. You have if only’s and wishing, you are her mum and it was your job to keep her safe and you wanted to be there to save her and you saw what was possible with the hope of medication and treatment. How can this be! xx
Hi Jessie3, so sorry I have only just seen your reply. My grandsons are doing okay thank you, most of the time. The younger one now lives with his daddy and the older one lives close by. I am lucky that I do see them a lot and stay close to them.
I always go downhill at this time of year and I know that most of us feel like that. Christmas will never be the same and I just want to get it over with.
I will always feel guilty that I could not save Gemma and help her to find the peace that she needed. But I try to be happy around the boys as I do not want them to have sad, unhappy memories.
I hope you are doing okay and will be thinking big of you. Big hugs xxx