Suicide

Losing a child
1

Hi all. In may 2022 my daughter took her own life she was sixteen.
In Oct 20 it came to light my daughter was accessing right wing extremism on line this led to her arrest after I referred her to prevent. ( I hold so much guilt for this) after six months she ended up in a secure children’s home due to self harming and trying to commit sucide, this was when she was fourteen. After many months the trial was dropped due to her being groomed online and sexual exploitation. This was in December. On may 15th I saw her we had a wonderful day together , on the Monday I called the home to tell them something wrong with her and to make sure they watch her closely ,as with everything else they didn’t and Thursday morning I had three police officers in my living room telling me my daughter was found deceased in a home where she wasn’t supposed to be able to do this at all.
I’m devastated ,guilt ridden, sad beyond your imagination , my daughter was such a vibrant girl and very talented she made costumes for cos play and furry outfits and her art was extraidanairy for her age. She was also autistic had trauma from her past and all this piled on top of her mind . She was tiny only 5’1 weighing just 7 stone . You always knew when she was in the room flouncing around like a fairy ,she never sat still .
The emptyness I feel is just awful , not knowing why she did this makes it even harder . I just want to see her smile once again I’m so lost without her.

1 Like
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Hello @Precious19,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your daughter - it is devastating to lose a child. It sounds like you had both been through so much in the last months of her life and that you tried so hard to protect her. How you are feeling is completely understandable.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. There is a very active support thread for members who have lost a child here: Loss of our son aged 27

where our members will understand some of what you are going through.

Losing a child to suicide can be particularly traumatic. I wanted to share these links with you - they offer support to people in your situation.

A lot of our members have found this organisation supportive, too:

Please do think about getting some counselling for yourself too. Your GP can refer you. We also offer Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat. You can find out more here:. https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling

Take care - keep reaching out,

Seaneen

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I am so sorry to hear what has happened to your daughter and to you. My daughter died tragically and I have gone over and over her life in my mind, looking for where I got it wrong as her mum. It’s devastating to lose someone you brought into the world with high hopes of a happy life. Like you, my daughter was let down by the services that should have been helping her. In the early days I saw nothing but misery and guilt for the rest of my life and it was all I could do to keep on keeping on. It helped me finding this website and it showed me that there are so many other people lost and broken because of losing a child of whatever age. We all have a lot in common, the pain and the irreplaceable person we lost. Life can be more bearable over time and with talking to others who understand. I send you respect and a hug. I hope you keep posting. Things will not always be so overwhelmingly black as they are now. You deserve love and support and understanding. You will get it here. Xxxx