I lost my Dad, who was truly a wonderful human - lived for his family, high ranking in the fire brigade, musician, artist, humanitarian, chef, intelligent, rational, patient, and funny, among other good qualities - to suicide. Although he was very troubled by the state of the world (war, corruption, greed, racism etc), he never showed any real signs of being that depressed, and we are a very close family so I don’t believe that he could have hidden it that well. On the day he ended his life my 11 year old daughter, who he adored and doted on, was in his care. Luckily she didn’t find him and still doesn’t know the real cause of his death. I can’t accept that he would have risked her finding him, and I can’t understand why he would do this especially since we’ve lost family members to suicide in the past, and he knows the pain that it causes. I’ve struggled with mental illness myself, and I know how it feels to not want to be here but my family have always kept me here because I could never hurt them like that. I’m so confused.
I am so sorry Lynbug, it must be so very painful for you.
I don’t have any answers, but I just wanted to send you love and strength.
Xx
I lost my fiancé last year to suicide it’s not nice losing someone let alone through suicide my fiancé never showed any signs of depression always smiling he lived for his daughter who is now 16 the best DJ ever lived his music it was only come the end the night we spoke in the phone before his passing he said he was feeling down and scared by the time the ambulance got their etc it was too late he had passed it’s been a year and 2 months I’ve been crying on and off since then no help for mental health or bereavement I feel I’m losing myself life has never been the same but I have to persevere 
because of my own daughters a lot older they say grief is love with no place to go you just learn to carry it with you I’m so sorry for your loss take each day as it comes
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Lynnbug. It sounds like it was such a shock to you. Your dad seems like he was an amazing man.
I’m glad you’ve been able to reach out to the community and I hope you find it to be a support to you. I can see you’ve had some helpful responses already, but I just wanted to share these links with you as I know many of our members who have lost someone to suicide have found them useful.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide. They have a support line on 0300 111 5065 and run support groups nationally.
- Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support.
Take good care and keep reaching out.
Seaneen
Thank you Eveybabes. I’m so sorry for your loss too 
I read somewhere that when we lose a loved one to suicide its like grief with the volume turned up. So many questions that we will probably never get answers to. Sending you lots of love 
Yes my grief is raw and full volume aswell it’s not easy is it every day I look at his photos and think why such a shame I never saw the signs he always seems happy