Sunday, bloody Sunday

This is driving me crazy. For the last four days I have been pacing around, looking for things to do. Today I have gardened, painted, thrown some of his stuff away, some of it was rubbish some of it was more personal things that were causing me pain every time I saw them. I have tried reading, watching tv. Just trying to get through the next hour. I made myself eat twice today. I didn’t want anything but have lost an alarming amount of weight in the last 6 weeks and my don’t for me anymore. I had been trying to lose a few extra pounds for a few years, but failed. Until he died. Who needs the F Plan Diet or the Jane Plan Diet when The Widow Plan is so efficient, but it’s a hell of a price to pay.
When you lose your partner you lose your future, your dreams, your sounding board, your support, your bedfellow, your best friend, everything. It’s like losing several people, all at once. Everywhere I look, he is missing. Our sofa, our table, our bed. No reason to shop, no reason to cook, nobody to look nice for, nobody to notice that the garden looks pretty, that the house looks clean and tidy. Nobody to get up for in the morning. Nobody to show the rainbow I can see out of the window.
Having said all that, even with all this pain, I would still choose him and do it all again in a heartbeat.
Nine weeks ago tonight we went to bed happy. Six weeks ago tonight, I was a widow.
Life sucks, and we have no choice but to endure it.
Xx

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Can relate to you so much willow all i can say is it will get easier with time. We will never forget our wonderful partners but we do except our loss and hang on to the good times. Your right this is not what we signed up for but lifes a bitch and we have to pick ourselves up and carry on . I think of Jim all the time and would give anything to see him again but i can’t thanks to the NHS . Sending u a big hug :people_hugging: x

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Have you considered, perhaps, that you may be spending to much time on this forum ?
I only joined this forum very recently and am finding a lot of constant negativity on posts a little unhelpful.
I myself intend to take a break as of this evening.
We are the survivors here. We must go on.

Thank you for your concern and opinion, Tom Tom.
I kind of think that it is up to each of us to spend as much time on this forum as we feel is helpful.
Also, if we do not want to read or respond to posts that is fine, too.
If we decide that we don’t want to visit or to take a break, that’s fine too.
Thanks for your thoughts.

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I really hope that my posts are not too negative. I try to be upbeat when I can. I have always valued this site for being supportive and non-judgemental. Apologies. Xx

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@Willow112
I have sent you a private message.
You are not negative, simply using this site for what it is intended.

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Of course your post are not negative , we are on here because it is a bereavement site we’re it says to share your thoughts , and at a few weeks in most of us are feeling low and down and we see that others are too, we are not at the stage yet to go out climb a mountain and sing “I will survive “!

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Don’t apologise as you have nothing to apologise for. It does get negative on here, it’s inevitable, everyone is in a shit place in the beginning and lots of time during.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal and it’s said by many on here, even me at the beginning. It’s a hard road but there is also a lot of positives.

It’s good to have your feelings validated, it’s good to see post from people further along to let you know it gets better. It’s also good to have a break if you need it. The experience of this site is different for everyone. For me, I’ve made many friends who have been my rock. We’ve met up via zoom and in person, holidays together and we have become lifelong friends.
We have cried and laughed hysterically.

It’s what you make it and take from it what you want. I’ve had a break too but feel it’s important to give support as well from someone further along the road.

But don’t apologise, you can say what you want without judgement. That’s the point of the site.

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Thank you. That means a lot.
Xx

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Willow what you write mirrors my own feelings too. There are plenty of sites where you can go to see jokes or funny pictures but we need this site to be able to say how we’re feeling in the knowledge that others are in the same boat and can understand. Of course we can be negative. It’s the worst thing ever.

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Also sent willow private message ! Sad stories on a bereavement site , who would of thought it hey ! ?

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Thank you. You have been my salvation.
Xx

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Willow dont let people put u off posting. Your not being negative your grieving like all of us. Its a bereavement site so people will be upset and its nice to hear how others cope with the worst thing that has happened to us all. Please keep posting and hope it gives you some comfort. X

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Once again you have echoed my thoughts and feelings Willow. You said everything that is true…there is not a single thing in my life or my home that did not involve David. I cannot wear my favourite perfume anymore because it was Davids favourite, i sprayed a tiny drop one day this week but ended up in buckets of tears because he wasn,t there to nuzzle me and breathe in my scent. I put lipstick on for the first time since he died and it was pointless and made me so sad. Today i went for a walk in one of our places, every step was hard, it was so sad i kept reaching out for his hand…i so so miss holding his hand. X

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Oh, the perfume! When Jeremy was in hospital, having not regained consciousness, every time I visited I sprayed his pillow with my perfume, just in case he could smell it.
I haven’t had the heart to bother with makeup. I shower, wash my hair, and that is it.
I throw on the first clean clothes that come to hand, none of them fit me now.
I look like a scarecrow!
Xx

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Willow you say everything i am feeling lost lonely scared, really unsure of what the future holds. If there is such a thing as a future at this moment i dont think i have any future then this hell hole i am in now. I shower and dress. I havent cleaned or cooked except toast. I want to go back 3 weeks ago and gave my life back. Xxxx

I ate a whole packet of chocolate biscuits for lunch! A tin of soup counts as a balanced meal.
We will get there eventually.
Chin up, and give that little doggy a cuddle from me.
Xx

I sure wilow i love the healthy diet lol. Do you sleep ok i am knackered but can only cat nap. I am hoping you are right and we get there. Xxx

Please don’t apologise, there is absolutely no need xx

Yes i have lost a lot of weight , i have been to the charity shops and bought some more clothes .