6 months since my Joan died, the house we shared for 45 years is a constant reminder of my loss, the feminine touches she left behind stick out like a sore thumb, the fridge and 2 freezers that used to be packed with food are empty, I now live on sandwiches from the garage at the end of the street.
The garden that she loved so much, and tended constantly, are gradually becoming overgrown, although I try my best, I go out for a walk many times during the day to get out of the house but this means coming back into a empty house every time.
Iām trying to survive the passing of enough time so that I might see a future for myself without my girl, this year was to be a year of holidays and ambitions achieved with the help of the funds from our pensions saved for many years, all our plans gone in the blink of a eye.
Sorry for your loss and know what you mean about the feminine touches that turn a house into a home.
Never appreciated it before - now I hold on to it for dear life.
So many things she did I never āgotā and seemed a waste of time and money.
I get it now
I lost my husband 4 months ago. At first I thought of him and what rubbish his life was with advanced Alzheimerās but recently I am so aware of living alone. There has been a leak under the sink. I didnāt realise and now the kitchen floor has to be replaced, he would have noticed and fixed it.
@Missy4
I am so sorry for your loss and your poor husband having had Alzheimerās, what a dreadful time you both must have had.
I lost my husband eight months ago and hate living by myself, the loneliness is absolutely awful.
Coincidentally, I also had a leak not very long after my husband died. It was in the airing cupboard. Luckily, I found it before it became a disaster. Itās these things that happen which our husbands would have dealt with. I get so worried, I am constantly checking everywhere now.
Life is very tough for all of us on this road of grief.
I wish I had taken more notice of the things my Joan did in the house, we had a very old fashioned marriage, she did all of the housework and I sorted any repairs in the house and the car, she once asked me ājokingā if I wanted to know how to work the washing machine, I just laughed, Iām not laughing now.
I believe that if I had gone she would have managed far better than me and would have received far more support.
No she wouldnt have found it easier @bootsie she would have found it as hard as you and she would have missed you just as much !!! Im saying that as a wife who lost her husband and as @Rome18 says life is so tough for us ā¦ ive just had a quiet day today because i was in bits this morning as it was our wedding anniversary yesterday and things like that really bring it home to you 
god do we ever get a break from this flipping hard life !!! xxx
Hi bootsie so sorry for your loss you are an exact copy of me my wife died in my arms 11 months ago now on my own and looking around to what she achieved and done i think every housewife deserves a medal us men are lost without them and this just proves it every man should take more notice of our dear ladies and appreciate what they do for the household and us and look after them they are precious god knows how i am copy
Iām sorry for your loss. As well as grieving Iām pursuing a safeguarding and neglect claim against home he was in for 7 weeks. He would probably say let the claim go but I feel itās my duty to pursue it. Like me you are in the first stages of our grief and I wish you as much peace as is possible.
Hi missy4 yes you must persue it thereās to much of this going on i wish you all the best x
@Missy4
Thank you, much peace to you, too, on this road of relentless misery of grief.
If you feel up to pursuing a claim of neglect against the home, you should go ahead. It may or not be easier than challenging a hospital which I looked into doing.
I had a leak too. Came down to kitchen floor covered in water. My husband was the calm one unlike me. Heās been gone 5 months now znd i was thinking what next. Yesterday my son ended up in hospital after a dog bite. Theyre going to operate on his hand this.morning and .not having my husband to keep me calm and grounded my head is spinning. My son is my top priority now but will try and keep busy and switch off. Itās just not having him here . Itās very hard on your own as everyone on here knows. People tell me things get better in time. But how long does the nightmare go on for. My neighbour told me she thought i was really strong but they donāt see the tears.
I hope your son soon recovers from his hand op. My husband was the calm one as well, and now I find myself getting stressed over so many things.
I had a neighbour say to me yesterday, āyou look so well, youāve obviously turned the cornerā. I was speechless, said āgood byeā and left her. Iāve learned that thereās no point in answering, nobody understands if they havenāt experienced what we are all going through.
Why does everyone keep telling us we are strong? Because we donāt spend all the time crying in front of them and keep living? We donāt have a choice. I donāt feel strong. I feel sad and lonely and scared.
Exactly all my friends and neighbours keep telling me oh you look a lot better but like me we are all putting on brave front but really hurting inside they donāt understand what we are all going through as it hasnāt happened to them " yet "
I think they say youre strong because rhen they donāt have to help you do they ? Persinally i think its just a cop out ā¦ x
Deb5 you areso right stay well
Thanks for that reply. Exactly Iām fed up with people when they say itās my time now! Youāll get used to it. Used to what. Iām not me anymore. I do the motions like a robot. Iāve noticed the phone has stopped ringing now. Iām going through various stages. Sad angry and today bitter. Iām sure we will learn to laugh again. I used to be quite a nice person once upon time but totally numb now. Just surviving. Take care
I find my neighbour across the road best as she went through this 7 years ago. She knows what it is like. She just assures me I will get through it as I am intelligent and resourceful but that it will be painful. She is trying to arrange a girls night at my place with the other women in the cul de sac. That is 2 widows. 1 divorcee and 1 still with husband who she loans out when we have problems ( I.e like my wobbly toilet seat).
Definitely agree. Letās hope it doesnāt happen to them. All my so called friends have done a disappearing act. I just donāt care anymore about them. One came round and told me how awful i looked and Iām going to feel a lot worse. Needless to say i wonāt be seeing her again.
I am beginning to think that people expect us to go around dressed all in black as they used to do in the olden days. Obviously, I had a summer dress on yesterday and the lady who said āI had turned the cornerā, did rather look me over and it has since made me wonder, should I wear black and pearls?