This may sound tripe, but you must eat properly, you cannot live on sandwiches alone in the long term, you have suffered a terrible loss as we all have on this site, the best way you can honour your wife is to make a success of your new life, you have loved and been loved and one day you may love again, it is 8 months since my mother died in my arms leaving me alone in the world and i had to deal with everything my self, I had prearranged for direct cremation followed by a funeral service with the ashes in April, (I have the ashes in a casket under a photograph of my mother in happier times and that is how i will remember her, her casket forming the centre piece of a wall memorial to my family) my garden is overgrown too, i managed to put a steel toe cap through my foot in April and 2 days in hospital with cellulitis, donât try that at home, it is only know i am really getting on my feet again, i am having things done to the house like a modern boiler and better thermal insulation put in and its free because i get tax credits so i am having it done while i can and i am creating a snug in the lounge which i intend to keep warm in winter (>12 centegrade) but not freezing like last winter and there are dozens of jobs to do and the garden will be tackled end of october, keeping busy is part of the answer, we are all suffering from bereavement depression or post bereavement depression, youneed to get busy and sort out your house, it will keep you busy and you need to do it, keep your freezers full and the roof over your head, good luck.
Change is painful pat, it really is, I am 63 and lost my mother to dementie in january effectively leaving me alone in the world and for the first week i just stayed in my sleeping bag in a really cold house wanting to end it and i would have died had i not been found, know I keep my self busy and have come to realise I am transitioning from being my mothers carer to living alone with her gone, I thought the moment of her death would be the end, it was not the end, not even the beginning of the end, but I realise know that it was the end of the beginning, we are all on a journey, at the end of it we will be altogether again in the next life, i went to a medium shortly after my mother passed and the strongest voice coming through was my late father who died in 2008, what she told me about my mother was correct, i think you will find that your husband in spirit form walks with you every day and is always with you, it is a testing time and is especially hard for those of us left on our own and 30% of households have just one occupant so it is not unusual to be alone, it is not the challenges we face in life that matter, its how we deal with them that counts and what does not destroy you makes you stronger, hang in there, one day the sun will shine on you again, I remember my ex boss saying he was getting an office in America so he could claim the sun never set on his empire, I commented âNo, it will never rise on it eitherâ I was not popular for a bit but the analogy is true, we have happy times, we have sad times, that, as the late queen knew full well, is true for each and every one of us, âyou are not aloneâ a book by Julian Lloyd, founder of grief cast, I suggest you read it, have faith and courage, good luck.
@tim007 you are right . I am doing everything to keep me and my son safe . I have made my life easier too . He is upset that I am changing things but he accepts why I am . If I donât keep busy I would just sit and cry
Tell them if they ask you ! I do ! If they dont like it hard lines 
x
When we are hurting we find out who are friends really are, it sounds to me your so called friend was âon the makeâ and frankly out for what she could get and in that case you are better without her, sounds like she wanted to sponge off you
Yes youâre right you certainly find out who true friends are. I honestly donât bother with anyone only speak to people when walking my dog. So far ive had 2 people who are interested in buying my car. Quite strange as Itâs not for sale. I think having to deal with all of this in a way makes you stronger. Hope so. Take care
@Pudding yes I wore black I got a dress from next and new shoes as well . I wanted to look my very best for my Andrew . I was sweating that much my hair wasnât itâs best but my baby would understand . I was sick all day after the funeral ended
My mother passed on the 5th of January and I found my self alone and she had left no plans other then cremation so i went for direct cremation followed by a funeral with the ashes in April, it gave me time to breath and come to terms with things and took pressure of friends and relatives who had to travel long distance(not good in January when over 80) I expressed a wish for smart casual as I did not want to feel I was heading a Mathea convention and it was 3 months later so lighten things up a bit, I arranged a meal afterwards for special friends and relatives and it was a good due, (no point in being miserable, no one likes a cry baby) , I more or less ran the funeral service my self and included a detailed eulogy to my mother, for me it was a time to step up to the plate and show leadership, I think my mother would have been proud off me even though I was wearing a slipper on my left foot having just spent 2 days in hospital with cellulites after putting a steel toecap through it,(donât try that at home!!) thats me, when the going is tough I am a trooper, my mother was the war time generation and hung on till hell itself froze over,I, they did not give into Hitler and neither would I,(I mentioned in the eulogy that with out the sacrifice of what I called âthe greatest generationâ I would at the very least be addressing them in German, I too am a chip off the old block.