Hi Sharon
I am so sorry for your loss and I am always here for support should you need a natter. It’s the loneliness of living on my own which is killing me, I long for a roommate or a lodger just to fill the void that has been left. I know it’s only been a week, but I find the silence deafening. I too have been out and about over Christmas period, but it’s the alone time that is hard
xxx
Hi Lilyboost
Thank you for your wise words. It’s a comfort to hear from someone who is feeling the same pain as myself. I must admit I was ignorant to this emotional state prior to Pauls death and I too may have been flippant towards others who were grieving in the past. I’ve never know anything like this all consuming grief which may or not lessen with time. I’m just thankful for my dogs which do offer some relief. If you fancy a chat I am always happy to listen
Craig xxx
Craig
Even though our daughter lives with me, I still feel lonely. It’s not the same, your partner is someone you share your complete life with. the worst time is when you go to bed and look at their side which is empty. I sleep with the blanket he had when he was in the bed downstairs as he couldn’t manage to get up them.
Take care
Sharon
Yes I’m so grateful for my kids but I miss my husband so much, the bed seems huge, I’ve 3 pillows down the side where he should be and the last t shirt he wore. I used to sleep facing away and he would put his arm around my waist but I can’t sleep like that now.
I miss the trivial day to day stuff, gossiping about work, or the trains being cancelled, his Mum, my Mum or the kids. I have no one who really gets me now, laughing at not understanding what the kids (teenagers) are talking about and feeling ‘old’ or songs that come on that we remember from younger times, films we went to the pictures to see, my entire life from 17 is entwined with his, and now he is gone and at 49 I have the rest of my ‘life’ to be without him.
Craig, I too hate living alone. I lost my husband on 10th November and the physical and emotional pain and the void I feel seem to increase each day, not helped by the “festive” period, the long dark nights and the cloudy, rainy days. I seem to hardly inhabit my house anymore, I feel I am ghost like, not quite here. I just about do basic, routine, everyday things. We didn’t live in each other’s pockets, there were many times I had to think about what I was going to do when he was elsewhere but I knew he would be back. I now feel like a stranger in my own home. I can suspend my despair when I am out and about but the emptiness of the house when I get back! I know he would have coped better because he had a wooden boat that had to be maintained as well as helping on a Thames sailing barge. However I know that doesn’t help to have those sort of thoughts as it’s me that needs to live and go forward but I feel frozen in time. I really do hate living alone.
This really resonates with me, because my partner got the essence of who I am and now that he’s gone, I feel like a lost soul as nobody else quite understands me like he did. We too would talk about all sorts of stuff and I’ve found myself even missing the mundane things we use to do like going to the supermarket. I’m of a similar age to you, as I turned 47 a week before Christmas, so understand that it feels like there’s potentially a lot of years of solitude ahead.
I feel same so empty and miss my husband so very much thought new year with out him is such awful thought take care all xx
Cant Express this feeling of not living just going through the motions of everything. GOD help us all to get through this as best we can xx
It’s agony. I lost my beloved partner suddenly and unexpectedly10 days before Christmas and I’ve never known such pain. Finding little things I’d given him which he’d kept in special box. His Christmas presents are in the bottom of my wardrobe. His slippers still by the bed. I feel broken 
Hi perry,
My partners presents are still in the boot of the car waiting to be wrapped. I can’t bring myself to fetch them into the house. All I’m doing is laying in bed asleep with the dogs. I still have his funeral to attend on the 6th of January and I just feel suspended in time at the minute, I’m not eating and just long to be with him. I just feel alone, isolated and abandoned. I can’t believe how quickly some people have deserted me, not knowing what to say they simply don’t say anything.
I keep saying I will be positive, get up, make myself something to eat and tidy round, but I don’t have the energy, the inclination or purpose to do so.
Craig xxx
@Lilyboost
I feel exactly the same as you as only my partner ‘got’ who I was too. In fact we were kindred spirits and he was my rock who I felt so safe with. I feel lucky to have had a once in a lifetime relationship like this but because it was so special it’s even harder to bear.
We had this Bob Marley quote framed as it was spot on for us xx
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” Bob Marley
@Lilyboost
Very poignant.
There’s lots in that piece that I can relate to.
My partner was the love of my life.
However, we didn’t have the perfect relationship by all means, as we did argue from time to time. But that’s life and we were always able to talk things through, because of our love and respect for each other.
It’s not much consolation at the moment, but at least we’ve experienced love on this deep level.
I know it’s very little/no consolation but your description is me to a tea….I fear/hate being on my own but the effort of keeping the face on in company is exhausting.
I went back to work today and tried to keep busy but it was just awful 
(not my colleagues as they were lovely)
Coming in to the house and out of habit just shouted ‘hiya’….silence which was soul destroying.
I’m not making it about me I just wanted to let you know that we all can empathise with you and are all here for you so please keep posting.
Be kind to yourself x
Suzanne, thank you. I’m alone this evening and finding it so lonely but gaining comfort knowing that everyone who posts here knows what I am going through and understands.
We all totally understand whether we post or not. Sometimes it helps me so much to read what others have said. Thank you x
Dear Sharon, I feel exactly like you. It’s still very early days for you and you are still feeling very raw. I’m 13 months into this horrible journey and visiting my mum and my siblings and their families in Belgium. Trying to appear happy and content but screaming inside. Yesterday, while with my sister’s, had a complete breakdown. Couldn’t stop crying. They were lovely and sat with me in a different room while their guests had to get on with the meal. I hate the person I’ve become. Used to be cheerful and quite good company, I think. Now feeling sad all the time and paying a false smile on my lips. Don’t want to bring them down and prefer to be on my own or just with my mum, who understands. Also find it hard to concentrate and have lost interest in most things. My husband and I didn’t have any children whereas my siblings all have children and grandchildren. Feel so much like an outsider but have to make an effort for my elderly mum who has been missing me and worries about me. The loneliness is unbearable. Miss my husband and don’t know how to carry on without him. Will we ever be happy again? Thinking of you and sending you comfort and strength. Xxx
Ithink we are all feeling life so hard with out our lives partners and friends and famil have just not bothered as they want to enjoy there festive time with there own family’s how are we ever going to get through this I hate the emptiness and terrible pain none of us was ready for this thoughts with you all x
Hi Rita
I’m seven months along this awful road and your feelings echo mine. That overwhelming sense of sadness and lack of interest in anything, including the future. I smile but there is just nothing inside.
I just miss Ian so much and I keep getting this strange feeling that he is only just out of my reach. I feel I just have to do something, I don’t know what, to get him back!
Sounds silly I know but thinking I will never see him again is just too painful.
Take care,
X Julie
Hi Rose,sorry for your loss you are right grief is very painful my husband passed away 13 weeks ago,I still can’t believe he’s not coming back it’s to heartbreaking
We were married nearly 52yrs first time living on my own this is not what we expected ,glad we can express ourselves on here
Take care
Christine x
We wash 46yrs yes a life time and now alone how will we manage this being alone I hope I don’t have to do it for too long although that is selfish my adult son and daughter and two grandchildren would have double loss to deal with it’s is going to awful for us all people really do not understand unless they have lost there partner x