Dear Julie, we have to hope that we’ll see our husbands/partners again. As long as we think about them they’ll live on in us. Who knows what awaits us when we die! I imagine Steve being with me although I can’t see him. I’m so glad we have this site to confide into one another without being judged. We need to express our grief to feel connected with each other. I know that Steve would be terribly upset if he saw me so miserable and without hope. For him I’ll try to carry on as best I can and not feel sorry for myself. At least I’ll try! Hope you have a good night. Love, Rita
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Hi Sharrona, I know exactly what you mean. I spent Christmas day mostly alone despite many offers from my very large family. I was actually supposed to be with my big brother, his girlfriend and my mum. But my brother tested positive for COVID just before Christmas. I am glad in the end that I was alone, apart from a couple of hours with my sister and her husband. Although it was lovely to see them I did get upset, which upset both of them. I needed this Christmas alone to just be on my own,to get upset if I wanted and not feel I was pretending to be happy. I’d been divorced for only 8 weeks when my husband died in August this year. I still love him. His birthday is in 2 days and I’m going to spend the day alone doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. That way if I want to sit and just cry I can.
If you want to you should take all the time you need, whenever you want, just to be alone with your grief.
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I get that too. I am 51 so a similar age. My husband died with no warning, he was 50. I can’t imagine living for another 30 years without him. There seems to point or meaning to that. Take care
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Rose45,I also have an adult son and daughter and 3 grandchildren and we have to keep going for them,they are grieving to,but it’s so difficult
You are right people can’t understand the grief we feel if they haven’t lost a wife/husband,I didn’t realise how painful this would be
It’s going to be hard going into a new year without them,I have to believe I will see Steve again when it’s my time,hope I can get some sleep tonight,havnt slept properly since Steve passed
Take care
Christine x
Sharrona
When you say you didn’t have the perfect relationship as you argued from time to time, no one could ever say they have never argued. That’s what happens in a relationship you may argue, which me and Gary did but you work through that and understand each other which makes you both stronger. Life would be so boring and it’s always best when you make up.
Sharon
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Julie
I’m with you on the feeling of what I can do to get my husband back, my brain knows that’s impossible but my heart just needs him sitting with me on the sofa, lying next to me in bed or simply walking through the door. If only time could be reversed.
Take care
Sharon
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Those are lovely words and so true, I do feel blessed to have known my husband, to share my life with him and have the wonderful children that we do, and would I give that up to ease this heartbreak? No despite how utterly destroyed I feel, I wouldn’t trade a single second that we spent together. I also think that arguing occasionally and falling out shows that you have a perfect relationship, in that you are comfortable enough to speak your mind and in turn listen when the other one is unhappy. My Steve and I argued occasionally, though less the older we got, but I know I could always say what was on my mind, no matter how silly it seemed and he would listen. I remember that my parents never argued, not one row that I ever saw, or cross word and they divorced when I was 7, that was not a strong marriage, mine was strong and good, he was my best friend long before he was my partner, we were friends from childhood and partners from our teens and I will miss him with every part of me for the rest of my life.
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I really resonate with this too….
Literally no one will get me like he did, and I him. I’m so, so lost as I lay here awake at 2am in the morning yet again.
Christmas has been excruciating, surrounded by family and friends but feeling so, so alone.
I have the funeral to get through yet and this is causing me so much anxiety. We work for a huge organisation and I don’t know how I’m going to face everyone on top of the family or how I’m going to get through it.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, I found the funeral to be a blur and cried through the whole thing. I held tight to my kids and didn’t really care about anyone else.
Don’t worry about your work colleagues, they are there to say goodbye and because you and your partner are loved, but you don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want to. Just take it one step at a time. Do you have friends and family to support you? We are here for you, keep posting, I’ve found this group to be a lifeline x
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Another day to get through hope all on here managed to get a little sleep shame we can not all be together and chat about our partners as we would all be ok to listen to each other as we understand the pain that we are going through take care xx
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Hi Ceebee,
I very much believe in allowing your emotions to flow, as it helps with the healing and for the most part I do.
It was just a bit tricky to do so on Christmas day when I was in company, so I held back.
I’m now back in my bubble, where I can express myself freely and not be in fear of upsetting anybody or hearing those dreaded words ‘you need to get over it’ for example (which has been said on a few occasions in various forms).
I’ve found that people (in general) are uncomfortable with talking about death and grief, so it’s just easier to mask your feelings while in their presence.
I do understand people’s reluctance however, because If all is well in their lives, they don’t particularly want to be reminded of their own or a loved one’s mortality. So, they either glaze over if you bring the subject up or they try and avoid it/you.
Only when they have suffered such a loss, will be when they are able to understand the tremendous pain and anguish that grief brings.
Thanks for reaching out snd I hope all goes as well as it can on your husband’s b’day.x
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Thank you Lily, yes I have friends and family rallying around.
The awful thing is though is the thought of it never being enough regardless of how much love they’re showing me. I just want to be with him.
Nothing is ever going to be the same again and for that I’m sad. I have no direction at the moment.
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I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s just so hard trying to carry on, when the one person that got you has now gone.
I dreaded my partner’s funeral, but I somehow managed to get through the day and even laughed on occasion, when we all remembered the funny antics he use to get up to.
Sending you strength.
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It’s the kindness from family and friends that has helped me through although it can never replace what I have lost but when I’ve been dazed or unsure they’ve guided me and surrounded me to protect me from the outside world but soon I know I will have to get back out there alone without my Lee god help me but surely he is still with me in spirit and living through my sons and grandson, I keep telling myself that !! Hugs xx
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Thanks Sharrona, you sound amazingly together with all that you are going through. People really don’t get it do they? Until it happens to them, wish I don’t wish on anyone. Thank you for your kind words and support.
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Hi
My husband Gary was very well known , it showed at the funeral which I found myself not there, even though I was. My family and friends as well as the funeral directors stated they have never saw as many people at a funeral before, about 800 people were actually in attendance, most of them had to stay outside for the service.
I found myself going between his coffin and photo, The period leading up to the funeral was busy and I sat in the chapel all day every day holding his hand. It’s after the funeral I’m finding so hard as everyone seems to just get on with their lives and I have been forgot about by most. I’m very lonely, even though people visit or contact me I’m still lonely as it’s Gary I need. I really don’t know how or if I will ever get back to myself because half of me has gone, my soulmate 
Just breathe that’s all you can do for now
Sharon x
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.well that’s Christmas over, didn’t think I’d get there dont even know if I did but I’m still here just as lost and devastated as I was 4 months ago when I lost my husband of 53 years, one day at a time is all we can live through and hope and pray one day we will find our way out of this nightmare xxx take care all
Dear Sharrona
I could have written this word for word except this is the second Christmas without my husband. I am also being told that l should get on with life and stops crying. What if l dont want to forget my darling husband. I dont want to forget him.
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Perry,agree with all you have said,my husband passed away 13 weeks ago,we were married nearly 52yrs still find it hard to believe he’s not here,everything in the house has a memory of him,I’ve kept things just how Steve left them,miss him more than ever time passing doesn’t help
Dreading a new year without him never imagined this would happen
Take care
Christine x
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Hi Babs55,
Some people just want us to move on, 'cause they don’t know how to respond to somebody who’s grieving as it makes them uncomfortable.
I understand that to a degree, but I’m not going to move on because it’s convenient for them and nor should you or anybody else for that matter.
I don’t think I’ll ever really get over this, but I hope that in time I’ll learn to accept what’s happened and live with the grief.
That’s all any of us can hope for really.
So, despite what people say we should keep remembering our loved ones, as it helps to keep them near.