Morning Sandra, I’ve been hearing songs that meant something to us both quite a lot lately, last night I came upstairs and heard a song playing on the wireless, whilst it wasn’t one of our favourite songs, ig was one we liked and which always reminded us of a holiday in 1986. I knew it was Alan’s way of sending me love and comfort knowing he is still close by.
I still have our son’s cockatiel and I put a radio on low to keep him from squawking all day. If I hadn’t gone upstairs at tgatnprecide moment I would have missed it.
Also, it was only Saturday morning on my way to get Ada’s new dietary food from the vet’s that my mind felt it was shouting out to me to start playing music again, I did start having Gold on but found it upsetting when songs came on that triggered memories I want ready to remember, this was last year and I sank into a very deep depression at the time.
Some days I feel I should be doing something more, other days I feel why bother. One big feeling I get every Sunday night is thinking Monday tomorrow and the week’s wheels start all over again like groundhog day and that upsets me.
I’ve yet to face all the dishes from last night, not a lit of course, but still unwashed, Ada had been poorly since last night. So much so, I brought her upstairs with me to bed. I don’t like doing that but have five a couple of times when she’d been spayed. Anyway I was really busy tending to her I just left the dishes. A big pet hate to see them the morning after. Usually wash everything as I go along.not yesterday afternoon/evening. Want take long once I get up. Not had much sleep again.
Alan and 'them upstairs ’ are really working on helping me through these times. As well as strong beliefs in the spirit world, I also hold an enormous interest in Angelic Numbers, one sequence of numbers that has resonated with me for over 20 years is 737 and if you look at the time I replied to Sheila, it was at 7:37. There is a website I use a great deal when needing confirmation of some number sequences, more so when a specific number or sequence keeps cropping up I check it on there,
It’s been a long time since ‘them upstairs’ have been grabbing my attention so much, I’ve been and still are consumed with grief, but I’m so pleased in open to receiving their messages again, I truly believe Alan has called them in to help him to help me.
Morning family!Lets hope today is reasonable for us all.I am going riding on the mountain later with some friends.They were very supportive when Roy was ill and have continued to be to me,i’ve not seen them since his funeral but they have kept in touch regularly and refused to give up on me which I greatly appreciate.I feel really nervous and jittery as this is the first time I have accepted anyone’s offer to do anything,but Roy is telling me to go,he knows what enjoyment I get from horses,so I shall.I haven’t actually sat on a horse for over a year either,so let’s hope I stay on board!If you don’t hear from me later you’ll know why!Love to all Corinna xxx
I’ve just had a massive meltdown. I’m looking after our son’s cockatiel whilst he’s getting his new house ready to move into. It starts squawking from 6.45 am until well after 11 am constantly, only stops if I go into the back bedroom where his cage is, the stand isn’t steady enough to withstand two bulldozer pugs jumping up at it. Anyway this morning after a sleepless night mainly because Ada was poorly with a tummy upset, I thought I’d be able to grab an hour’s sleep once I’d settled Winston and Ada down. No such luck. I ended up banging the cage, denting the bars and dodging the fittings that hold the end pieces together. All this tim le it’s still squawking, I covered him up, no joy, did everything, in the finish I’d really got to the end, I got a dark throw, put it over his cage, banged on the top of it several times, turned the radio up to full volume and stood there shaking and feeling my face burning up. Eventually he stopped, unturned the radio.down , been leaving over on so hed think there was someone there. I can’t go in the back bedroom without setting him off, once he starts he hies on for hours, so I’ve a washing basket full of clothes outside the door waiting to be put away.
It doesn’t help that the workmen working on our son’s house are way behind schedule which means there’s a knock on effect with his decorator and carpet fitter so I’ve the blasted bird for a further 3 to 4 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I am a bird lover, we had Monty for 22 years until.he escaped last July, he was Alan’s bird even though I.could handle him better, he had free flight in the house but that was before I got Ada, had used to go upstairs out of the way if Henry and Wibston became too boisterous.
Was almost tempted to take an antidepressant my gp prescribed 2 months ago which I didn’t like to take. Became so desperate. I’ve no one i can talk to at present as they’re either away or busy with their own daily plans. So at times like these, have to ride it out as best you can haven’t you?
It’s a lovely day out, chilly, very very blustery.i don’t take these two out when it’s too windy because it could cause injuries to their eyes. I’ve a big garden so plenty of space for them to run around, and I won’t go for a walk without them, even if I need to clear my head. Thumping headache yet again
Sorry for moaning. Just gone 11am and already my day has been S***.
Hi Jen. I would let that blxxxy bird out of it’s cage and wave it goodbye. No wonder your stressed today. I have found that anything will set me off on the road to stressville of late,. so your not alone. I was trying to renew my Car insurance today on the phone and became so stressed that I had a headache. First when I eventually got an answer it was a voice talking and he went on and on, I nearly fell asleep. Then I had to answer questions by talking to no one. Then I was told I was being put through and twenty minutes later still hanging on with rubbish music. When a human being did come on the other end of the line I vented my anger at having been on the line for so long. Poor man wasn’t English and I couldn’t understand him very well. Then I was told I would have to pay extra to take my husbands name off as a driver. I told the man that 'he’s dead for christ’s sake what is the point of keeping him on but if your going to charge me then he can remain. Then he tried to take my status as ‘married’ off, and that did it, I told him I was still married to my husband as far as I was concerned. I got the insurance at the original price. Poor man must have thought he had a lunatic on the other end of the phone. Then they wanted me to do a questionaire. They must have been joking!!! 45 minutes to make a phone call, ridiculous. My headache got steadily worse.
I have been referred to cardiology for chest pains (gone now) and rang them as I had heard nothing. Told it wasn’t serious and I would hear from them in due course. What’s the point then. So now we have both let off steam, I hope your feeling a bit better now. Thank goodness we have this forum xxxxPat
Hi Pattidot, I received a letter from the tax office today addressed to the representatives of my husband. When I opened it they were fining George for not completing his self-assessment form which was due at the end of January. It clearly said on the letter they knew he was deceased but on the paying in slip put George as the payee and told him how to complete his self-assessment form. I had already sent them a copy of his death certificate and they clearly knew he died in November. I called them and they did apologise and said they will write to me waiving the fine within 30 days but it is so hard to deal with such things on top of everything else. Going back to insurance, when I reported George had died to our car insurance company, because the insurance was in his name, they had to reissue the insurance certificate in George’s name but said he was not allowed to drive!! Sometimes I think the world has gone mad and common sense does not prevail xx
Yes Pat, I don’t know how I’d cooe if it wasn’t for this forum. I was checking the number of times I’ve spoken with the one sister who has kept in touch, and it numbered 5 in total since November and I made each call. I’ve decided I shan’t phone again. I’ve done this with a few friends and relatives. Some may say I shouldn’t stop phoning but why should I be the one to make contact when they never return the favour.
Having another rant.
Yesterday it was 11 months since Alan left our home for the last time, 11 months today (8th) he was put on the pathway as he wasn’t responding in ICU. I stayed with him all day, all night and the following morning he came round. Each day is taking me closer to the 12 month anniversary and it hurts even more.
I really don’t like living without him here, I know I’m not alone in this but it’s like living nightmare and I wish I could wake up and find it all in my imagination and he’s the fit and well Alan I know and love
Sorry, I’m not having a good day today. Really needed to talk to someone today and when I looked at all the contacts on my phone, there wasn’t a single one that I knew wouldn’t be busy.
Think I’d better get something to eat and a cup of tea, may feel better presently.
Hope you feel much better than you did earlier Pat,
hi corinna havent been on her today been running around for family all day been abit of a mad day so havent had time yo think until i say down for tea x then mind went into over drive xx how has your day been today x xx love jo xx
It’s good to have a mixture of busy,and on our own I think.I had a good day,went riding with a friend on the mountain,it’s the first time I’ve taken anyone up on an offer to do anything,but last night Roy told me to bloody well go for it,so I did!Take care,going sleeping now,had a few glasses!and working tomorrow,loads of love Corinna xxx
Hi lovely people, I have just messaged Jo because I was a bit concerned that she has not been on the forum today. She asked me to let you know she has had a bit of a rough day and so has her son, but she will be back online as soon as she feels able xx