So i have been sitting dreading wether i should see my partner before wednesday and it has been said that i can go and sit with him but they advice i dont see him but i can if i choose 
my head is now filled with all sorts of pictures and my choice is final that i am not going,i seriously cant take anymore i really cant,im tired of taking yet another diazepam but if i dont i feel like my head and body is going to blow,so sorry to be writing this on here as you are all dealing with your own loss and pain x
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I am so sorry for your predicament, would an alternative like sitting by his closed casket for half an hour and just talking to him help.
Sending strength.
Ron.
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Thank you for help but dont feel like i can do that all i have is the visions of the night i found him , i cant look at his photos or think of our happy memories as all i do is cry 
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Donât ever be sorry. We are all feeling hopeless, and sad, and angry and a whole host of other emotions. I have never felt pain like this ever. I think this is the best place to share our feelings because we are all going through this hell together and people who have not experienced anything like this, do not understand.
I went to see my husband the week before his funeral. I was advised he was fine to be seen. It could not have been any further from the truth.
My experience is far to horrific to write here. And I did not feel any peace or closeness by going.
Iâm relieved to hear that you will not experience what I did, but maybe as Ron suggested? You could sit with your love, even for a brief moment? We never know how we are going to feel after getting through another tough day. Maybe Wednesday you might feel different.
Sending love and strength 
Jen x
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Thank you so much for taking the time to send this lovely message, i very much appreciate it and i am so sorry that your last memory saying goodbye was not what it should have been. Love and hugs xx
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You are most welcome. Big hugs and thank you 
x
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I was convinced to go and see my wife, but although she was fit to be seen, there was nothing of her left. All that was left was an empty shell. I talk to her all the time, and going to see her didnât bring me peace, didnât help me in any way.
I believe you have made the right decision and donât let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
You donât need to apologise, we have this space to vent, and if venting helps then please go ahead!
If diazepam is helping you get through the day then donât feel ashamed, it wouldnât have been prescribed if it wasnât needed.
You are going through the hardest experience ever, so try to give yourself a break, self compassion is hard but worth it.
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If itâs any help, I was told not to see my husband in an open coffin so I chose to sit with him with coffin closed. I wrote a letter and asked for a single rose to be put in his coffin. For me, I found it so comforting and peaceful and my final private goodbye, just me and him before the funeral. I didnât want to regret it if I didnât go and Iâm so glad I plucked up the courage and I did. I felt his presence as if he knew I was there. It was the one time I felt peaceful.
It is not for everyone as we are all different in the way we cope and grieve. I look back on that moment now with a heart full of love that we had that time after death took him from me
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I never went to see Peter and didnât allow anyone else to either,although his kids werenât there for him when he was alive maybe if they had have been I would have let them.Do whatâs best for you donât try to please anyone else.
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I am so so sorry for your loss.
How dreadful for you.
Thank you to all the wonderful people on here to support us all.
I think going to see your very special loved one
In this way is so hard.
I chose not to go and see my wonderful husband Sam.
I had seen him in hospital he was only in 12 days
and although I never ever thought he was going in to die.They didnât tell me that until the day before and then I had to ask the question
He didnât look very good.
I simply could not face the memories that would live with me for what ever time I have left.
I wanted to remember his handsome face and brilliant blue eyes as they were to me down the years we had together
I left a love note for his pocket and flowers
He knew I loved him and I know how much he
Loved me.
He as a generous and caring man would definitely not want me to be more distraught
than ever.
My advice would be go with what Ron perhaps
suggested I still think hard to do.
Make it very personal in your home with candles.
maybe a photo and some of his and yours favourite music.
What ever you choose be in no doubt of your love for each other.
Much love and comfort x
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Thank you for this it has helped me x
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If his kids had made as many calls as they have done these days thrn he would still be here, he couldnt stand never seeing either of them again and i know this destroyed him as well as other stuff from his past, but never did i ever think for 1 minute he would do what he did and leave me xx
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Thank you xx
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My husband was adopted his 3 grown up kids were his only blood, however they chose the company of their Sep Dad simply because he had more money , he had very little contact with them , not his choice they denied him ever meeting his grandkids , when he was in ICU I got them all around his bed as he said he came into the world alone and would probably leave alone , I promised him that wouldnât happen , the guilt over their faces with their Dad lay there saying âyou canât die yet Dad you havenât met your Grand kids !â And whoâs fault was that ! He died due to a damaged heart , but his 3 kids broke it decades before 
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That is so sad. My partner was also adopted and when he met his biological dad he told my partner he was born put of revenge and he never forgot that , he worshipped his kids, when he was going through seperation/divorce his ex accused him of battery and his daughter lied to the police and he was jailed then put on probation, there was no evidence they took her word , she had no bruises or anything , his son told him he knew he didnt do it but anytime he text his son to meet he had an excuse a simple reply to a text a quick call to say hi would have been good enough but he came to the realisation he had lost them that along with be classed as a result of revenge haunted him loosing his adoptive parents when they were in their 50s destroyed him then in march his little dog who had been by his side had to be put to sleep and everything kept knawing at him, makes me so upset that he felt he had to do what he did to escape xx
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So sad isnât it , and cruel
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It is tragic he used to talk about it to me regular, so why not tell me what he was planning, let me help him find help,thats all that replays in my head feom i open my eyes until i eventually sleep x
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Very difficult to put yourself in someoneâs head , I always say you donât know what someone is going through unless you have experienced it yourself , even after 4 months I still have the image of my husband having a heart attack at my feet , how can I be talking to him one min and the next he is having CPR on our living room floor ?
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I totally understand the night my husband died we had watched a film and i kissed him goodnight as was working early next day an hour later i heard a bang and my son shouting johnnys name i jumped out my bed and mu son was holding johnny and as ee laid him on the floor he died, 7 years on and that night is as raw as when it happened and here i am again. How do you cope, stupid question i know xĚx
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Oh people say I am âcoping better than I think â! Well the simple fact is I type this itâs 5.20am! I havenât had a full nights sleep since , and that is with or without sleeping pills , I go to work , I go on holiday , I go out , I meet friends , people say thatâs coping ? I say I am âpretending â no one wants hear me going on about âhow shit my life was before nick , how perfect it was with Nick , and now how shit it is without Nick !â I am 56 and after two previous abusive marriages, I can honestly say Nick was the one , so if my one has gone , weâll then thatâs the next 30/40 years of my life without a partner ! Couldnât put myself through it again .
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