I lost somebody very close to me suddenly two weeks ago. The most important thing I have learned in the last two weeks is to be open and honest about how you are feeling in order to heal. I want you to all tell me about your experiences of loss, how you are feeling, how you are coping. Tell me about the person you lost, why they are special to you, why you love them. And finally tell me about any hope you have for the future - for we all need it. I am here and I am listening to you, you aren’t alone.
Hi Teacup im very sorry for your loss ,ill try make it as short as i can because its a very long story The first 7 years with my darling Denise where perfect in every way she was the love of my life (she was my secound wife ) it was love at first sight .We had money troubles then but didnt worry because we had each other.The you know what hit the fan in march 2008 .Denise was in a medically induced coma on a life support machine for 10 weeks (she was given an 80% chance of death )she had Pancreatitus .5 major operations in those 10 weeks and a further 2 weeks in Intensive care .For 3 months after this she was put on a ward .08082008 she came home to a state of the art hospital bed in our living room .15
Colin thank you for sharing. It warms my heart to hear how much you loved and still love Denise. How lucky you were both to have experienced love at first sight and that your love for each other conquered all other troubles in life such as money. That is truly magical and something to be celebrated.
I am so sorry that Denise was so unwell, and I think of her having to go through those operations. Such a strong woman, and you such a loving and caring man to always remain by her side (though I do not doubt that you wouldn’t have had it any other way). I know how gut wrenchingly sad and painful all this is for you, but you gave her the most wonderful gift of love.
How did you both meet? How long was she at home for? Please don’t worry about keeping your responses short (unless you don’t feel up to writing a lot of course). I want this thread to be available to all of us to really open up and share how we are feeling. To know we are not alone, and that we are here to learn of each other’s stories.
oops pressed the wrong button .To continue 15 months later she had to learn to walk again .She always had to use crutches though .Another part of her living nightmare was 2012 out of the 12 Months she was in hospital at least 9 of them .To say she struggled is an understatement .04032016 she passed away in Intensive care with Bacterial Meningitus .From 2008 the woman i loved and married vanished ,her shell came back but she suffered partial brain damage through being in a coma .She changed completely .Am i glad shes not with me anymore yes and no .Yes because she was in a lot of pain ,i joked 1 day if you fall over youll rattle gthe amount of tablets your on .I dont want her back in that way to me its cruel and selfish .I couldnt take the pain away.But this pain for me is horrendous .I sleep downstairs no way will i sleep in our bed.I struggled alone from 2008 to this day (im on medication ) .Shes in a better place out of pain .I darent try and talk to her and all the photos are in a box somewhere.Im not trying to forget her but i dont work any other way .I have no 1 to 1 support (except my doctor once a month).Ive been down the road since she passed of drinking myself into a stuper ,im trying to cut this back .I wish everybody happiness and health.But Christmas is canceled in my house for the third time Future plans i dont know i live in the now most of the time Colin x
I know it’s easier said than done Colin and I know the pain your going through. Drinking really is not the answer … my husbands sister died 2 years ago they were the best of friends…and then this year his mum was diagnosed terminal…he really struggled with the massive loss and we were also worried that he was starting to have mental health issues… 13 weeks ago while the world cup was on my husband started to drink and he couldn’t stop he drank constantly for a week … he was taken to hospital twice by ambulance after being found collapsed. Unfortunately the third time he collapsed was in the street and his heart stopped from alcohol poisoning. He was 36 big strong man 6"7 …and the alcohol killed him…leaving behind his babies . It’s so hard to come to terms with because he was not an alcoholic. He just turned to drink to try and relieve his pain… I imagine this happens all the time but he was the rare case of it going wrong… I cant imagine the suffering you have gone through over the years I really can’t … but to get through it means your incredibly strong man …I too am dreading Christmas…love too you xx
Hi I have days when I can’t stop crying and days when I am ok and take each day as it comes me and James had our ups and downs but we still loved and cared for each other I don’t really think about the future as it frightens and upsets me.
Christine x
Hi teacups1234
My name is lily my husbands name was George I first saw George in a playground when I was 14 and married him when I was 16 we were together for 36 years and he was the most gentle loving man .
He took a massive heart attack on the 11 October and fought to hard to live but he passed on the 26 th November with myself and our 5 kids all with him he never once said he was leaving us he was still talking about our plans and Christmas till the day before he passed .
I work in the hospital that my husband passed in and the staff new me and new George .
I am coming up to the first year off losing the love of my life and that is what he was and still is I am broken .
I have cried screamed prayed begged some days I couldn’t face getting out of bed there were very dark times I just wanted to be with George I had to go to counseling to talk about all that was inside me and it did help it didn’t take this pain away and I don’t think it will ever go .
I am back at work in the ward next to the one George passed in I also have to support family’s who’s loved ones are passing .
I am not the same woman I was before George passed I was happy bubbly saw light in everything and everyone because I had this amazing beautiful gentle man with me when he passed part of me passed with him now I feel old and always looking through sad eyes I do smile but am so aware that the man who held me loved me dreamed with me laughed with me made me safe I miss his arms round me his smell his voice his beautiful smile his amazing blue eyes .
I just live the best I can I hope in time I will see some light .
I am sorry this is so long big hugs to you and I’m truly sorry for your loss .
Lily
Michelle, thank you for sharing your story. I can imagine the pain your husband went though. It must have been absolutely awful for you to watch him go through that and I would imagine feel quite helpless. My mums partner who passed two weeks ago was a heavy drinker and smoker (he had struggled I think with the loss of his mother, and not being able to see his biological daughter) - I begged him and him to stop but I think he felt it was his only release.
How are your babies? How old are they? Also, is your mother in law still alive?
Lily, the way you talk of your George is so wonderful. What a truly lovely man he sounds, a true gentleman. I am so sorry that he was taken from you.
How wonderful you had five children together. Are any of them like George?
I can imagine it must be difficult working in the same hospital that George passed. It must also be hard to speak with families who are losing someone - I can imagine you give them great comfort however. You can be there for these people in ways that your colleagues maybe cannot. You have likely brought light into peoples lives at moments of darkness.
It’s lovely to hear that you hope that you will see some light. I hope that for you too.
Christine, I can appreciate it when you say that you don’t really think of the future as it frightens and upsets you. I feel it too. If we take every day by day, or hour by way it somehow makes things easier. I think that’s all we can expect ourselves.
Hi teacups1234
Thank you for your reply I hope you have friends and family around you to give you comfort in this time as your loss is so raw .
I have work as a nurse for 30 years and the end off life is always the worst part of the job as you can feel the pain that the family are feeling .
I hope I do give compassion and empathy at a horrendous time in a heartbreaking journey .
I wish you well as I do for all going through this journey and I hope we all find some light .
Lily
I am struggling today. Everyone I speak to seem to have very trivial problems in their lives and are looking forward to things that won’t be possible for me anymore. Everyone I speak to I feel so envious of them. How can I combat these feelings? It’s making me feel so low.
Hi teacups I’m sorry ur having a rubbish day I do know how u feel …on the school run today they were having a big conversation about works nights out and having to buy new out fit to go with there husband on his. .this lady was complaining about how boring it is every year …and that she night just lie to hubby and say she already had plans on that date …I know it’s silly but I got a big lump in my throat how I wished I was in her …situation…it’s all Christmas Christmas at the moment… I’m petrified of Christmas…the school plays fairs …letting my little ones down with what I can afford … having no one to wrap there present s with…feel like screaming at these people …hope u start to feel better …I hope we all do x
Thank you for your response Michelle. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having similar experiences to me. It’s just so hard and so unfair. I know exactly what you mean when you say you wish you were in their shoes - my goodness I feel it!! I so wish I could be concerned about the things they’re concerned with, I wish I could get excited about trivial things. I just wish life seemed hopeful again x
I lost my grandfather(papa) nearly 5 years ago now. A perfectly fit and healthy man, walked miles with the dogs everyday. He started getting bad acid reflux so went to the dr’s fast forward and he was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. We tried to accept his fate. I quit my job to be able to provide 24/7 end of life care for him. My papa was my best friend. I watched how everyday the cancer stripped more life away from him. I watched him wither away to half the man he had always been, I watched his skin turn yellow and the life fade from his eyes. I didn’t sleep, barely ate. I left the house only to tend to my animals. All the while our “family” bar my parents abandoned him in his greatest time of need. He passed away on the one night I left the house for more than an hour and I will never forgive myself for not being there. I wrote my euplogy with tears in my eyes and I try to live my life to make him proud. He was meant to be here to walk me down the aisle and watch my grow into the strong independent woman I am now and for that I hate this world for taking my best friend away from me. I struggle everyday to find the light in the darkness but my solace is horse, my wonderful, beautiful horse who was my papa’s pride and joy. He reminds me everyday that I can be ok without him and that he is always watching over me.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your papa was and is truly truly loved. More so than many grandfathers. By giving up your job to provide end of care life for him was an act of true kindness - bless you for your devotion and love. I can understand your pain when you say that he passed on the night you were out but you must release that pain from your heart. The night my mother’s partner (whom were together since I was 7 years old) passed my partner had planned to propose to me - we were on our way there when I got the call to say that he had stopped breathing. I felt so selfish for going out that night and for thinking of myself. I had seen him earlier that day - I had thought whether to stay with him but he so wanted me to go to be with my partner that night. He was happy knowing I was living an independent life. I wonder if he went because I wasn’t there, because I would have held him back that night had I been there? Possibly.
I hope you achieve peace comforted in the knowledge you did your very very best.
Hello. What an endearing story. What devotion. Please don’t feel bad about not being with your grandfather at the end, you have nothing to admonish yourself for. It could be that your Papa waited until you had gone out before dying - he loved you so much he didn’t want to put you through that. I’m glad you find comfort in your horse. Sending love xx
My sons have both died a d I have no remaining ing children. Pete died, aged 33,six years ago and Jamie died a year ago aged36. I had my hand on Jamie’s chest as he took his last breath in hospital. I feel like my whole future is ripped away a d my life is pointless. My husband has had a breakdown so he is like a different person. I have three grandchildren … Pete would be so proud of his daughter and two sons … but life is such a struggle. They were my life … I love them so much. Hugs to all here x
That is one of the saddest things I have ever read. I could feel my chest tightening and my breathing change as I read. I’m embarrassed to admit that I wouldn’t have a clue what to say to you if you had told me that face to face. I wish you the best of everything for your future and that amongst all that sadness you can find some strength to cope with the ongoing difficulties. I hope you get massive comfort from your grandchildren.